Dr. Gregory House: Look at how much fun she's having.
Emily: That's because he has two functioning legs, capable of supporting her body weight.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Define okay. And just because I don't see bleeding doesn't mean it's not there.
Darrien: There was a raid. Andre needed to do something to slow the cops down.
Dr. Remy Hadley: He stabbed you as a distraction?
Darrien: Didn't work. Cops called an ambulance, left me lying there.
Dr. Remy Hadley: According to this, you're dead. You have no blood pressure. Barely have a pulse.
Darrien: Am I dying?
Dr. Remy Hadley: You're talking and alert, so your brain is getting blood.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Great. Uh, can you do me a huge favor? I need you to go to the hospital and check out a portable ultrasound machine for me.
Dr. Robert Chase: Who's the father?
Dr. Remy Hadley: I have a leak in my bathroom, and my guy won't come take a look at it till tomorrow morning, and an emergency plumber's 200 bucks an hour.
Dr. Gregory House: Figures you'd be wrapping up the trial by now. I just wanted to give you a hearty mazel tov.
Dr. Riggin: And don't forget the Nobel Prize for developing an incredibly expensive rat poison.
Dr. Riggin: Just some cramping. Their legs would stiffen up. They were having trouble moving around. We just thought their bodies were adjusting to the increase in muscle mass, but within a day or so they just started dying. Oh, well, get a new compound to play with next week.
Dr. Robert Chase: One portable ultrasound, extra pepperoni.
Dr. Robert Chase: Your socks are dry. And, unfortunately, so is your shirt, which means you either just changed to greet me, or you need this for something medical.
Dr. Robert Chase: Have you talked to anybody about it? I mean, are you okay?
Dr. Remy Hadley: No, I may have an aortic arch aneurysm. Oh, wait, that's her. Either help me or leave.
Dr. Remy Hadley: She saved me. There's a culture in prison. If you don't have someone to show you how to get the stuff you need and stay away from the stuff you don't, you're screwed.
Dr. Chris Taub: I don't know why she's even considering having my kid. She barely knows me. All she knows is I'm a short, balding guy. It doesn't even make evolutionary sense.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You want her to keep it?
Dr. Chris Taub: No.
Dr. Eric Foreman: 'Cause you'd make a crappy dad.
Dr. Chris Taub: I said, "no."
Dr. Eric Foreman: The only reason you're sitting in a strip club, ignoring the strip club, is because you actually are considering it.
Dr. Remy Hadley: All we'll do at the hospital is stick her in a patient bed and give her IV clotting factor. We can do that right here.
Dr. Robert Chase: We could also embalm her right here.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I'll call the drugs in. You go pick them up. If I'm right, she'll be fine. Look, I know you don't know her and you don't care about her, but I do. Please.
Stripper: Your lap is vibrating.
Dr. Chris Taub: Oh, sorry. Uh, it's my boss. (He puts the phone back in his pocket) Probably drunk. Wants a ride home. He can take a cab. Do you have any kids?
Stripper: Why? You like moms? I could be your mommy. Spank your little ass.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What are you watching?
Rachel Cuddy: TV, you bloody scallywag.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Someone better be dying.
Dr. Gregory House: I tried calling everyone else. You were the last one on the list.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Any reason why 911 wasn't on the list?
Dr. Gregory House: It's not an emergency.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Right. Are you suicidal?
Dr. Gregory House: Surgeons are idiots. They'd just hack away at the muscle until they get worn out.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Or you're just ashamed you've been injecting a drug that hasn't even gone through safety trials. It's never even been in the human body.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: This isn't about making your leg better. It's about making your life better.
Dr. Gregory House: Here we go. Wish I had called 911.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Don't blame our breakup for this. You're not unhappy because of me. You're just unhappy. Unhappy people do reckless things.
Dr. Gregory House: There are no cars coming. Just go.
Rachel Cuddy: The light is red, ye bloody scallywag.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Stop with the pirate talk.
Dr. Gregory House: If you don't want Brownbeard to end up with two wooden legs, better get yer ma to move this ship, you mangy bilge rat.
Dr. Gregory House: If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there would seem to be more relevant examples.
Dr. Eric Foreman: There you are. You were in the VIP room so long, I thought you were gonna pay off that girl's mortgage.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You think you're a screw-up because you got a girl pregnant and you deserve to suffer. You don't. You just need some sleep and you'll handle this mess. Let's get in the car.
Dr. Robert Chase: You were defending your friend beyond all rationality, granting her the right to die in your bedroom. Was it really all because of a promise?
Dr. Remy Hadley: That word means something to some people.
Dr. Robert Chase: Not that much.
Dr. Robert Chase: You promised your brother you'd euthanize him and you think you won't feel bad about it as long as you can blame it on the promise. That's why you have this twisted obligation to keep all promises... or your carefully constructed defense mechanism could crumble down.
Dr. Gregory House: Did you see the new Brownbeard episode?
Rachel Cuddy: It was so funny.
Dr. Gregory House: No, it was so lame. Got a boat full of guy pirates and they make the girl pirate walk the plank.
Rachel Cuddy: She floated.
Dr. Gregory House: That's 'cause she had big boobies. That's why he should have kept her.
Dr. Gregory House: You've completely run out of ideas and you're calling me to bail you out. I'm touched. Hit me.
Dr. Gregory House: She on any medication... besides crack?
Dr. Gregory House: Can I guess stuff too? 'Cause that's gonna make the diagnosis really easy.
Dr. Gregory House: It's more relevant than what you got now, which is squat.
Dr. Gregory House: Three chicks just came into my bedroom. I got to go.
Dina: You think you're the first guy who thought he was special? You think you can do whatever you want? I am not going through that again!
Dr. Robert Chase: Find anything?
Dr. Remy Hadley: Shockingly... a punk kid getting shot pulling a gun on a cop did not make national news.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm not a surgeon. There's nothing I can do.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, you can make sure that... idiot butcher doesn't cut more than he needs to.
Dr. Gregory House: ...if that involves chopping off my leg… I want to be sure that that's damn well necessary. (He sighs)
Dr. Gregory House: I don't trust him. I trust you.
Darrien: I told you I couldn't go back. I shouldn't have trusted you. I never liked you. I killed time with you 'cause I was locked in a cage. You were a distraction. Someone to talk to so I didn't have to think about... everything else.
Dr. Remy Hadley: You're lashing out… I get it. But in a month, you'll thank me... Or maybe you won't. I don't know. But… I know I saved your life.
Dr. Chris Taub: Back when I still had my practice, this patient came in, 50-year-old guy, wanted a tummy tuck. But when we do some prelim work, we discover that his stomach is filled with cancer. So instead of telling him that he's gonna look great at the beach, I got to tell him that he's dying.
Ruby: Were you at a strip club?
Dr. Chris Taub: Please. The weird part was I was more upset about the whole thing than he was. He actually had to calm me down. Said he had great kids, raised them right, knew that because of them, he was leaving the world a better place. I thought I might die last night.
Ruby: At a strip club?
Dr. Chris Taub: Yes, I was at a strip club. And while it was happening, I kept thinking about that patient and how I wish I was like him. I want to have this baby.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Darrien had to shoot that kid. It was the right thing. Completely justified. But it didn't matter. She destroyed her life trying to forget. I'm afraid that's what's gonna happen to me.
Dr. Robert Chase: You really should talk to someone.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I've talked to a therapist. It didn't help.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, maybe you should talk to someone who isn't a therapist.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Do you really think you have any idea what it's like to live with something like this?
Dr. Robert Chase: Let's grab a coffee.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Ooh! Amish kid collapsed while picking up a hooker. Top that.
Dr. Gregory House: What are you doing here?
Dr. James Wilson: You hoping for someone else?
Dr. Gregory House: Hot nurse, candy striper... Someone who doesn't speak English. Someone who doesn't speak judgmental.
Dr. James Wilson: You've got mail.
Dr. James Wilson: "I hope your leg feels better and I hope we can be friends again soon, you bloody scallywag."
Dr. James Wilson: You're an ass.
Dr. Gregory House: What, for trying to walk on a freshly mangled leg? Performing surgery on myself? For thinking I could solve my emotional problems with rat medicine? If you're gonna nag, at least have the decency to be specific.
Dr. James Wilson: Come on. Listen to me. You can't keep going like this. Something has to change.
Dr. Gregory House: Can I pee first? .... I know.
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