Cyrus Harry: Seriously, you gonna complain? How many limo drivers are making six figures?
Dr. Chris Taub: He just won $42 million in the state lottery. I think I read about this lucky bastard in the paper.
Dr. Gregory House: You sure you don't mean the lucky bastard whose grandkids snorted his winnings till he drank himself to death with drain cleaner? Or the lucky bastard who was found naked and penniless in a strip club parking lot with his winning number tattooed on both testicles?
Dr. Chris Taub: Sure, some people will screw up anything, but some won't. That kind of cash, he has a chance to turn a miserable life around.
Dr. Gregory House: Miserable stays miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets in the first place.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout's gonna change that.
Dr. Gregory House: It's like there's two of me.
Dr. Gregory House: You know,I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Fine. We're both on the line, but she won't discuss this with me alone. She and her lawyer want to meet with both of us for settlement talks. I need you in that meeting acting nice and respectful while I defuse this stunt.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah well, I'm not going to that meeting, so I'm guessing you're cool if I'm not nice and respectful either.
Dr. Eric Foreman: House thinks I'm a robot. You think I'm a wuss?
Dr. Robert Chase: No, no, no, no. I think you're repressed. Well, it's out of your control. Tough childhood, strained relations with your family. Can't be easy trying to succeed in a white man's world.
Dr. Eric Foreman: First of all, white man, I've done at least as well as you have. Second, I didn't think you take House's view that life sucks and we're stuck.
Dr. Robert Chase: I think you're stuck. Last month or so I've turned my life around. I'm happier than ever.
Dr. Robert Chase: I challenge you to go one differential without House or anyone else getting under your skin.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Since I say nothing gets to me and you won't take me at my word, how am I supposed to prove you wrong?
Dr. Robert Chase: I guess you can't. I hope that doesn't eat at you.
Dr. Robert Chase: Off-brand solvent. From China. (Throws it to Foreman.) Made of God knows what.
Dr. Gregory House: If we chelate, we're not gonna know what disease he had, which means we're not gonna know if the problem was in his lousy old job or his still-lousy new life. Which for the purposes of a metaphorical argument is very important.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Pointless to argue. He's the boss. He needs his puzzle solved. Why bang our heads against the wall?
Dr. Remy Hadley: She won't let us make a move until you agree to a sit-down with the godmother and her consigliere.
Dr. Gregory House: Bitch to king four.
Dr. Chris Taub: Checkmate. Patient can't use his leg. You have to concede.
Dr. Gregory House: Or I could just knock all the pieces onto the floor.
Cyrus Harry: I'm not better, but you're kicking me out?
Dr. Remy Hadley: Which is why it'll only be 20 minutes. See, the Dean of Medicine acts tough, but she's not really. She'll step in, readmit you.
Dr. Gregory House: That was totally courageous of Khloe to Tweet about her weight gain.
Dr. Chris Taub: House, I've got a patient with a seizure disorder who can't walk.
...
Dr. Gregory House: What are you doing? We got a patient with a walking disorder who can't seize. No, wait. I'm close, though, right?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He claims he can swear off sex indefinitely. Also claims that I am a boiling cauldron of repressed rage. (Taub smiles slightly.)
Dr. Gregory House: Your theory is idiotic. The patient's antibody titers were negative for Lyme disease. And I shared a motel room with your ex-girlfriend.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You make a good point about the antibody titers.
Dr. Gregory House: He's a rock.
Dr. Gregory House: That's strange, since I unplugged the lead 30 seconds ago. Admirable effort... And I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm scared you might turn green and rip through your own clothes.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I love being back, having every theory you and I share used as proof of my own personal damage.
Dr. Gregory House: Why haven't you been yelling at me about the Cuddy twins?
Dr. James Wilson: Because you're doing the right thing.
Dr. Gregory House: Are we talking about the same issue? Is there something I don't know about that I'm responding to appropriately?
Dr. James Wilson: Cuddy wants you in the middle of this. So does Arlene. Because they don't want to face their own problem. Somehow, in your knee-jerk, juvenile way, you tripped and fell into an actual adult response to this.
Arlene Cuddy: Maybe I've got a medical thing. Maybe I just think I'm talking, but no one can hear me, not just my uncaring daughter.
Arlene Cuddy: House.
Dr. Gregory House: Ex-not-mom-in-law.
Dr. Gregory House: After you said pretty please with sugar on top? Problem is we only give store credit, so I say we put your old, cracked poisonous hip back in. Here and now. I saved your life. Happy to un-save it.
Dr. Chris Taub: Read the studies. The fewer partners you have, the happier you are with your ultimate partner.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Hmm. Then you're gonna be miserable.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm happier without her. I'm not stupidly expecting her to make me happy. I'm happier with my unhappiness. (Pops Vicodin.)
Dr. Eric Foreman: You want to grow more and bigger cancers?
Dr. Gregory House: We can't figure out what three small ones have in common, maybe can figure out what eight big ones have in common?
Dr. Remy Hadley: He dumped me after I hooked up with his sister.
Dr. Gregory House: Would you mind letting him down gently? I might have made promises you can't keep.
Dr. Chris Taub: She turned down a proposal. How long a game you think she's playing?
Dr. Remy Hadley: I think if she said yes after 14 hours, even he'd be suspicious.
Dr. Chris Taub: You're lucky you're hot and smart, because — well, you're just lucky you're hot and smart.
Dr. Gregory House: Forget yoga. Embrace Zen. You're a repressed idiot. He's a horny idiot. Neither one of you can do anything about it. Pretty sure that's Zen.
Dr. Gregory House: I had good reasons.
Dr. James Wilson: You had lame rationalizations.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. That we saved your life. (A beat.) In the way that we did.
Dr. James Wilson: B-plus.
Dr. Gregory House: I know. Told my seconds to tell her seconds that she gets no second chance. Well, technically, it's a third chance, but I don't have thirds.
Dr. James Wilson: You didn't start it, but you had the chance to end it, and you didn't. You love her, House, and it's human to hang on, but you're blowing up not just your job but any chance of any kind of relationship with her again.
Dr. Chris Taub: His long lost love is a fraud. Thirteen figured that out.
Dr. Gregory House: Good for her.
Dr. Chris Taub: Decades of menial work, three cancers couldn't make him die miserable. She just did.
Dr. Remy Hadley: The truth made him miserable.
Dr. Gregory House: It's like there's two of me.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You have to be destructive. You have to tear things apart. God forbid you should say what's really on that twisted mind of yours?
Arlene Cuddy: And you're the great peacemaker? Single mom, can't keep a man long enough to cook a meal.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You'd be dead if it weren't for our mistreatment. And somehow you'd still find something to whine about.
Arlene Cuddy: Look at you idiots. Who else is gonna put up with either of you?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I asked you to move in. That meant we weren't gonna reconcile. I'm sorry, mom. Some things take more than a common enemy.
Arlene Cuddy: Then you're an idiot with impossible standards.
Dr. Gregory House: Common enemy. One way to trigger brain symptoms when there's nothing wrong with your brain have something else turn your brain into a common enemy. You have a teratoma, a usually harmless congenital growth which can be filled with almost any kind of tissue. And, unusually, not at all harmless. If I'm right, yours is filled with primitive cells, some of which developed into brain cells. These foreign cells leaked into your bloodstream. Now, the body is a little xenophobic. It creates antibodies. The problem is, there's not much difference between brain cells in your abdomen and brain cells in your brain. To make matters worse, primitive cells can become almost anything. Grow like weeds. Which means they can turn into tumors, destroy whole organ systems.
Dr. Gregory House: Cut out the teratoma, what's left of your cancer, you should be fine. Think of it as your second luckiest day.
Dr. Gregory House: No, actually a fraud was a fraud. You fell for her just the same. You may stay miserable, but your long lost love is not gonna be the reason why.
Dr. Remy Hadley: It's the real Jennifer. Or at least the only one to show up who actually has the birthmark. He's renting her an apartment.
Dr. Gregory House: It'll end horribly.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Not for him. She may take all his money, and he may be a naive idiot, but… he'll always be hopeful, so he'll always be happy.
Dr. Gregory House: You lost your mother. You euthanized your brother. You got the life expectancy of a pretty good sitcom. If you can convince yourself that you'd be miserable no matter what even without all that stuff, then maybe you don't have to hate the universe for dumping a giant turd on you. Fatalism is your survival mechanism.
Dr. Remy Hadley: And you? Dumped by everyone you've ever loved. Rehab was a bust. Your leg feels like somebody took a giant bite out of it. We are who we are. Lotteries are stupid.
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