Martha Masters: He already jumped off of a hotel balcony. Who knows what he'll do next?
Dr. Robert Chase: Ride some kind of prostitute chariot to work?
Dr. Gregory House: First person to offer me an interesting case gets to ride her... single or double-team. My scooter, which, now said out loud, sounds even more inappropriate.
Dr. Gregory House: Before I forget, I want you to meet Dominika. She's about to become a
permanent member of Team House.
Dr. Robert Chase: Doing what exactly?
Dr. Gregory House: Me. We're getting married on Friday.
Dr. Gregory House: Living on the edge, baby doll!
Danny: I didn't ask to come here, okay? I'm not paying for any of this.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Don't worry. I don't think the collection agency has an office in the park.
Danny: I don't have a medical history. I've always been healthy.
Danny: Never. He was good at it. Made sure he never did anything that couldn't be covered up by a sweatshirt.
Danny: The past is the past. That's why I don't like talking about it.
Dr. Gregory House: Speaking of things, I'm having one on Friday. If you want to drop by, we'd love to have you. No pressure.
Dr. Gregory House: Perhaps you're not familiar with New Jersey handicap ordinances.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Or perhaps I am. They apply to wheelchairs and powered scooters only, not toys.
Dr. Gregory House: I hear a strange voice.
Dominika: A very soft-looking man. Must be the Wilson.
Dr. James Wilson: You're trying to screw with Cuddy.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, it's the classic "You dumped me, so I'm gonna get married a week later" ruse. 'Cause not only is she that stupid, but apparently I'm that stupid.
Dr. James Wilson: And what, you're openly mocking marriage... trying to prove it means nothing?
Dr. Gregory House: It doesn't. But you proved that yourself years ago.
Dr. James Wilson: So you're just doing some random stranger a favor? It's illegal. People go to jail for that... Pay huge fines.
Dr. Gregory House: Have you seen me practice medicine? You know how much it costs to have a live-in maid, personal assistant, cook, massage therapist, whore? I do. She's willing to work four days a week for free. It's gonna save me about $33,000.
Dr. Gregory House: Iron-clad prenup... We go our separate ways. Your stunned look, I take it, is your way of saying, "Brilliant idea, House."
Danny: I kind of like that one. Peppermint?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It's extremely bad body odor.
Danny: Well, you got to admit, that one's kind of a good deal for me.
Danny: My backpack. Oh, where'd you find it?
Dr. Robert Chase: In the park, right next to a big pile of questions.
Dr. Gregory House: ...'Cause unlike Santa and the Easter Bunny, homeless, non-mentally ill twenty-somethings without drug problems don't exist. He was a heavy user sometime in the last five months.
Dominika: No, thank you. I like a man with the big, strong, sexy feet.
Dr. Gregory House: He really puts the "mani" in the "pedi."
Dr. Chris Taub: House, you buying this?
Dr. Gregory House: Not usually. But this guy's been sleeping on a bed of dog poop. I wouldn't be surprised if he's got six different symptoms for six different reasons.
Dr. Gregory House: See what happens when women don't have to serve men to stay in the country? They get all uppity. This is why we invented green cards. Go. X-ray the guy's abdomen, if it'll make you feel all equal.
Dr. Gregory House: She wanted me to bribe you, like they do back in the old country. Tell her what I said.
Dominika: This is America... the land of the home and the free of the braves.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, I just get teary-eyed every time I hear her say that. She brought you a gift.
Dr. Gregory House: North, Miss Teschmacher!
Dr. Robert Chase: How'd you kick it?
Danny: I had to die first. I O.D.'d back in November, and they said I was clinically dead for several minutes. It was like God gave me a second chance to do things right this time.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're saying God cured you?
Danny: No. State rehab cured me. But, I should be dead, but I'm not. It has to mean something. I mean, I-I must be here for a reason, right?
Dr. Gregory House: Once an addict, always an addict.
Martha Masters: Can you... please not do that in front of me?
Dr. Gregory House: Doubt it. You're the main reason I'm on the stuff.
Martha Masters: We think you have pica, a craving for nonfood items that's caused by a chemical imbalance...
Danny: I didn't crave them. I kind of... volunteered to eat them.
Danny: There's this great Italian restaurant I like to frequent. And by "restaurant," I mean their dumpster out back. The cook is kind of a friend of mine. He challenges me to eat stuff. Sometimes it's raw squid, or, you know, I have to chew on a chicken bone. But if I do it, then he hooks me up with real food, not just the garbage.
Dr. Chris Taub: And we believe the lying liar why?
Danny: (from inside the MRI) M-my dad used to lock me in a closet, and it... and it feels like I can't breathe.
Dr. Robert Chase: He believes God gave him a second chance. That kind of belief can be powerful.
Dr. Chris Taub: Masters doesn't surprise me. He plays the fellow med student who dreams of being a doctor and reels her in. But you, falling for his deep connection with God?
Dr. Robert Chase: He has hope. After all he's been through, it kind of makes me root for him.
Dr. Chris Taub: He's a punk. Probably got into a lot of fights. And he sucked you in using the dad story.
Dominika: In your head!
Dr. Gregory House: It's "face."
Dominika: On your face!
Dr. Gregory House: Close enough.
Dr. James Wilson: You two spent months trying to figure out a way to date and not have it affect your working relationship. Now you need to do the same thing for not dating.
Dr. Gregory House: She's dying of guilt and feels horrible for dumping me. It's great. I mean, not the dumping part, but the part where she'll now let me do whatever I want.
Dr. James Wilson: You're a lot of things, House, but you've never been a sadist. You're pummeling an opponent who isn't fighting back.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Would you slow down! You're gonna get us arrested.
Dr. Chris Taub: I wouldn't worry about it. We'll probably die first.
Dr. Chris Taub: It's a fake marriage, but a real honeymoon?
Dr. Gregory House: Most are.
Dr. Gregory House: He's a homeless ex-junkie. Are you telling me that you four geniuses can't outwit him?
Dr. Gregory House: The "well done" was for making it quick. Now I'm gonna have to take that back.
Dr. Chris Taub: Why didn't you ask me to be part of your wedding?
Dr. Gregory House: You are genuinely upset at being mockingly snubbed by a mock wedding?
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, my God! W-what did you think she was doing? She's just installing the cable. That's not a euphemism!
Dominika: Oh, I feel sorry for the little one. Isn't there something we can do?
Dr. Gregory House: The important question is, who are you? Danny Jennings is dead, which means that Danny Jennings has no pulse. You, on the other hand... do. Ergo, you are not Danny Jennings. (House leans his cane against the bed) Or I did the test wrong. So why don't you cut the crap and tell me your real name.
Dr. Gregory House: Hiding your identity... Well, either you're a criminal or a superhero.
Danny: I'm not a criminal.
Dr. Gregory House: Awesome. What color is my underwear?
Martha Masters: Did you find out his real name?
Dr. Gregory House: Cerebellar ataxia.
Martha Masters: That's a weird name.
Dr. James Wilson: He's gone too far. He's taking up six handicapped spaces with a monster truck.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's only four... And he's gonna get rid of it after the wedding.
Dr. James Wilson: You're the first boss he's ever had who could handle him. Before you, he was either fired or buried under a mountain of malpractice suits. He needs someone to say no. He needs someone he'll listen to, when they say no. If you really care about House, you'll stop feeling sorry for him and get out there and start kicking him where he needs kicking.
Danny: You should just let me die. The world's better off without me.
Danny: I... I had a girlfriend in college... And I almost killed her. I just snapped. And I started hitting her. And if her roommate hadn't come home... I'm evil. I am just like my dad. We're both monsters. I deserve to die.
Dr. Chris Taub: We know nothing about this kid.
Dr. Robert Chase: Except that he's gotten worse since we admitted him.
Dr. Gregory House: Why?
Dr. Chris Taub: Most of our patients tend to do that, unless we cure them.
Dr. Gregory House: It's his healthy diet of green vegetables that's killing him.
Dr. Robert Chase: They say true love doesn't exist anymore. Maybe it never did. So without further ado...
Dr. Robert Chase: Do you, Dominika Patrova, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Dominika: I do.
Dr. Robert Chase: And do you, Gregory House, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Dr. Gregory House: Yep.
Dr. Robert Chase: Then by the power vested in me by the state of New Jersey just for today, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Dr. Robert Chase: Those of you with cameras, please feel free to provide legal documentation.
Danny: Thank you... for not giving up on me.
Martha Masters: You're not a bad person. You made mistakes, but we all do. Maybe when you get out of here, you can... go talk to someone... A professional.
Danny: Yeah. Yeah, some of those places you suggested had people on staff. You know, I think God really does have a plan for me. And all this... It was just his way of, testing my resolve. And I wouldn't have passed it without you.
Dominika: I know this is not real marriage... but I really like you.
Dr. Gregory House: I like you too.
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's linked to 13 unsolved murders in ten different states.
Dr. Robert Chase: He's a serial killer who eats his victims.
Dr. Chris Taub: And we saved him.
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