Dr. House: Why are Foreman's breasts suddenly starting to droop.
Dr. Hadley: Large breasts are a classic symptom of you letting Foreman take vacation days so he can finish his FDA reports before the end of the year.
Dr. House: Why aren't you taking a vacation?
Dr. Cuddy: I'm bringing in a case. You may have noticed I've been doing that before.
Dr. House: I've noticed you a lot recently. It's almost as if you have a sexual interest in someone here. Let's say, Taub.
Dr. Cuddy: Well, Taub might think I like him if I stayed which is why I'm gonna do this. [Cuddy walks away.]
Dr. Taub: Somehow I don't think that was really about me...
Dr. House: When did teachers ever know how to motivate their students?
Dr. Kutner: This place actually smells of evil.
Dr. Taub: Where do you work again?
Dr. Taub: Why would House throw out a book worth hundreds of dollars.
Dr. Kutner: To make you ask that question. Can you really put a pricetag on screwing with people?
Dr. Wilson: Irene Adler. Christmas 2001. Sarcoid symptoms, but, she didn't respond to methotrexate. I've never seen him so obsessed. He saved her with a last minute Wegner's diagnosis, but the hours he put in, I though it would kill him. And then... Well, he fell for her. But, it was too soon after Stacy and... It sounds so silly, but Irene was the one who got away.
Dr. Kutner: Really?
Dr. Wilson: No you idiots. House is just screwing with you. You think there's some woman with mysterious green paper wrapping trademark?
Dr. House: And you... Standing there... Beseechingly.
Dr. Cuddy: Yes, I was gonna stalk you at home, but it was a busy week and your office is closer.
Dr. Taub: Just tell her how you feel. If you won't, then I will. I'll walk right down there. Damn it... Love like this needs to fly free.
Dr. House: You talked to Wilson?
Dr. Taub: He has very girly handwrriting, by the way.
Dr. Wilson: It's too bad you can't just be nice to people. You can get a real present that way.
Dr. House: If I wanted gifts, I would just look deep into my patient's eyes and act like you: Oh I'm so sorry, you're dying, Mrs. Moron. Of course, I'll sleep with you. What I lack in skill, I can make up for...
Dr. Wilson: You'd just wind up insulting her. Perhaps, calling her Mrs. Moron...
Janice: He told me, "Get over it." With or without these drugs, I don't have a long time. I'm not gonna spend it as his guinea pig.
Dr. Hadley: You're not acting like House. You are like him.
Dr. House: There was a reported case of a civil war soldier. Shot in testicles and... the musketball carried the... non-musketball into the uterus of a woman working in a neighboring field. Nine months later, miracle child was born.... Also, maybe she cheated on you.
Whitney: We do other stuff in bed. Could some of the sperm have made it up there somehow?
Dr. House: More likely it came from the guy whose penis made it up there somehow. But... Sure, anything's possible.
Dr. Cuddy: Remember when you asked me if I had kids? I don't. And I don't know, maybe it has nothing to do with it, but I was good at school, good at work, lousy in life. I screwed every relationship I ever had. I thought why would I want to bring a child into this. But then I got older. And... How you feel now will pass. Don't let it screw up your whole life.
Natalie: It's already screwed up.
Foreman's Partner: You can't see the patients as people. You can't even see them as patients. They're numbers.
Foreman's Partner: Any personal stake we have seduces studies. Science is not about human relationships. It's about results. But you know that. You work for House. Why do you think I brought you in as my partner?
Dr. Cuddy: You faked a scientific miracle just to win a bet with Wilson?
Dr. House: More an argument. I realized it would have been simpler if I just faked the maternity test. Hey, Christmas spirit and all that.
Dr. Cuddy: I think you're confusing nice and evil again.
Dr. Kutner: Jonathan?
Jonathan: Yeah.
Dr. Kutner: I'm Lawrence Kutner.
Jonathan: Why are you here?
Dr. Kutner: I wanted to apologize for all the hurtful stuff I did in high school. I'm sorry.
Dr. Hadley: I heard Janice is back on the trial.
Dr. Foreman: My Christmas gift to you.
Dr. Hadley: I was wrong. You're not House.
Dr. Foreman: Yeah, well, that's my Christmas gift to myself.
Dr. Hadley: We should go to the party.
Dr. Foreman: We should....
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