Dr. Cuddy: That's it? You're not gonna argue why this case is beneath you?
Dr. House: No point. We're in an elevator. Can't run away.
Dr. Cuddy: You can't run away anyway.
Dr. House: That's just mean.
Dr. House: Why are we still together?
Dr. Cuddy: We are going into our office.
Dr. House: Pronoun confusion. Starts kicking in when you pass the child-bearing age.
Dr. House: Wow! Muscles AND curves. My penis is so confused.
Dr. Cuddy: Can you do this outside?
Dr. House: I could but that would defeat the purpose of doing it here.
Dr. House: Forget the bypass. Treat her like a fat girl.
Dr. Taub: We treat her like a sixty year old Asian man, too? She's not fat.
Dr. House: Not on the outside. But on the inside, she's still tons of fun.
Dr. House: Have you seen my balls?
Dr. Cuddy: Can you hold on a second.
Dr. House: My balls? Have you seen my balls? The giant one and the red one?
Dr. Cuddy: Your plan isn't gonna work.
Dr. House: Of course it is. I try to make you miserable to make you leave. You deny that it's making you miserable. You try to make me miserable, so I'll stop making you miserable and eventually you will leave. Citing reasons that had nothing to do with misery...
Dr. Cuddy: You're not bothering me.
Dr. House: Step one complete.
Dr. Cuddy: Hey. Yeah, I just had to explain to him that I had his balls and he's not getting them back.
Emmy: My body was like a prison. When I got the surgery, I got healthy. And when I got healthy, I got happy.
Dr. Taub: I'm not sure you're happy. But if you are, being healthy didn't do it, being pretty did. Poop in the bedpan.
Dr. Cuddy: Other doctors actually use their offices for crazy stuff like seeing patients, not throwing a ball against the wall and calling it work.
Dr. Wilson: It's his process. That ball saves lives.
Dr. Wilson: Don't take his office and pretend like all you're doing is taking his office. You chose his room because you want to be there. But, sitting near him and hoping isn't gonna get it them.
Dr. Cuddy: Leave here now, or I'll take your office.
Dr. Wilson: No, you won't.
Dr. Kutner: It's not funny.
Dr. Taub: It is. You just can't appreciate it because it's gonna destroy your career.
Dr. House: What happened? He called Foreman clean and articulate again?
Dr. Hadley: Appreciate the life lesson, but fifteen minutes, give or take, isn't gonna make a difference. Get started on your other patients, I'll be down there when we're done here.
Dr. House: Way to know where your bread is buttered, sister. Up high!
Dr. Taub: Give me your arm.
Emmy: You can ask nicely.
Dr. Taub: I learned at med school that you don't actually cure with kindness.
Emmy: My helping people, my clients are making themselves healthy, better lives. Can you honestly tell me you've never done anything hypocrtitical? [Slight pause.] I'm sure you had good reasons.
Dr. Taub: Give me your arm, please?
Dr. House: I had the weirdest dream. You guys did the test in a reasonable amount of time and came back here before I had the time to fall asleep. You guys still smell that?
Dr. Kutner: Maybe you should just let her have your office.
Dr. House: Or... She sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of hers to the morgue.
Dr. Taub: I don't think sabotaging your boss's office is a wise kind of attack.
Dr. House: All that is needed for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.
Dr. Hadley: I'm well aware of what's gonna happen to my body over the next eight to ten years. I do not need a visual reminder everytime I walk into that place.
Dr. Foreman: It's understandable. It's human. And you need to get over it. You show up ON TIME tomorrow, or you don't show up at all.
Dr. Taub: Why aren't we doing this in your office?
Dr. House: Obviously because it would be stupid to do this in an office without furniture. Cuddy... overreacted to my overreaction.
Dr. House: ... And why are you leaning on a 45 degree angle away from Foreman?
Dr. Hadley: I'm sitting straight...
Dr. House: Trouble in the land of false hope?
Dr. Foreman: Everything's fine. Austrian syndrome.
Dr. House: Nice deflection.
Dr. House: You want to know what happened to the toilet?
Dr. Wilson: She'll be with you where you claim to not want her.
Dr. House: I smashed it with a sledgehammer.
Dr. Wilson: I think in some ancient cultures, that was actually considered a proposal of marriage.
Dr. House: Does Foreman schedule your appointments by numbers on the clock? Or just when I'm in the middle of something?
Dr. House: Sorry, if I'm dying in a bad time for you.
Dr. House: You're not stopping me for medical reasons. You're stopping me because you have the hots for me.
Dr. Cuddy: You're still here because you have the hots for me.
Dr. House: Evidenced by the fact that I'm the one who moved in to your office.
Dr. Cuddy: It's the biggest office, and I'm not the one...
Dr. House: Why are you dressed like that? Why are you trying so hard to get my attention? Are you screwing with me?
Dr. Cuddy: Are you screwing with me?
Dr. House: That depends on your answer.
Dr. Cuddy: Everybody knows this is going somewhere... I think we're supposed to kiss now.
Dr. House: We already did that... [House touches Cuddy's breast.] Seemed like the logical next step.
Dr. House: When you were philandering with impunity, how did that feel?
Dr. Taub: Superficially, I loved it. But, deep down, I think I was miserable. Why? What's going on?
Dr. House: You weren't miserable. You gave something away to make relationship work. You rationalize when you're getting something back.
Dr. House: Sick people don't spontaneously get better.
Dr. Hadley: Yes, they do. It's called the immune system.
Dr. House: Sick people who are sick enough to make it to ME don't spontaneously get better. Not as pithy, but, yeah, technically more accurate.
Dr. House: The best you you can be is a lot more you.
Dr. House: I understand. Not many people have the guts to admit they'd rather be pretty than healthy. Income's better and you get more action.
Dr. Hadley: I wanted her to die. She just yelled so much. With no reason, she just screamed at me in front of my friends. My father tried to explain to me that her brain was literally shrinking, that she didn't mean it; that it was the disease, but I didn't care. I hated her... I never said goodbye... And she died with me hating her.
Dr. Taub: House is gonna kill us.
Dr. House: Slowly... And painfully. You're not only idiots, you're frauds. Fraudulent idiots. Fraudulent idiotic killers, as it turns out.
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