House M.D. quotes

I'm a big fan of House. In case you haven't been watching much TV, you can find more info about this TV show here.



Here are some quotes from the show, taken from this link. (Some quotes here are, I guess, somewhat applicable to my line of work. Same line of thinking, just different fields):
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Dr. House: Everybody lies.
Dr. Cameron: Dr. House doesn't like dealing with patients.
Dr. Foreman: Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?
Dr. House: No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable. _______________________________________________

Dr. House: Patients always want proof. We're not making cars here, we don't give guarantees.

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[House arguing with Cameron]
Dr. House: But you didn't have to. People choose the paths that grant them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort. That's the law of nature, and you defied it. That's why I hired you. You could have married rich, could have been a model, you could have just shown up and people would have given you stuff. Lots of stuff, but you didn't, you worked your stunning little ass off.
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Dr. House: I take risks; sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die, so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.
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Dr. House: We're a bit of a specialized hospital. We generally only deal with patients when they're actually sick.
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Dr. Foreman: You have no evidence to support a poisoning diagnosis.
Dr. House: Which is why it's gonna be so cool when I turn out to be right.
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Dr. House: Just 'cause he says I hit him doesn't make it true. Watch. [Shouts to the heavens] I am surrounded by naked cheerleaders! [Nothing happens] See?
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Dr. House: He thought he was dying. Dying people lie, too. Wish they'd worked less, they'd been nicer, they'd opened orphanages for kittens. If you really want to do something, you do it, you don't save it for sound byte.
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Dr. House: Work smart, not hard. That's my philosophy, boss.
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[Dr. Wilson is examining Dr. House's leg with the MRI]

Dr. Wilson: [gruff disguised voice] House, this is God.
Dr. House: [in MRI chamber] Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time Thursday?
Dr. Wilson: Let me check. Oh! I got a plague. What about Friday?
Dr. House: You'll have to check with Cameron.
Dr. Wilson: Oh! Damn it! She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I'm gonna come up with a new answer this time.

[Cuddy bursts in]

Dr. Cuddy: House...
Dr. House: Quick, God, smite the evil witch! [Wilson wisely says nothing]
Dr. Cuddy: Are you sitting on evidence that your patient was sexually abused by her father?
Dr. House: God, why have you forsaken me?
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Dr. Cuddy: These are your big ideas? Somebody's lying?
Dr. House: Hasn't let me down yet.
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Dr. House: Isn't it interesting... religious behaviour is so close to being crazy that we can't tell them apart.
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[House makes ghost-like sounds to amuse a child patient]

Little Girl Patient: You're a goof.
Dr. House: Takes one to know one, loser. [Patient's mother looks at House in shock] Wait, that means I'm a loser. Scratch that.
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Dr. Cameron: I can handle a simple consent form.
Dr. House: Okay, I'll be Crandall. Dr. Cameron—
Dr. Foreman: House, from what you say this guy will trust you—
Dr. House: Are you in this scene? Go.
Dr. Cameron: I need to talk to you about a procedure we'd like to do on Leona.
Dr. House: Like to do? Is this fun for you?
Dr. Cameron: He's not you; he's not going to mock me.
Dr. House: Stay in character. I'm so scared; hold me.
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Dr. House: Can you believe what Cuddy tried to pull?
Dr. Wilson: What now?
Dr. House: She lied to me. She cured my patient with my diagnosis, then lied to me about it.
Dr. Wilson: That doesn't sound like her.
Dr. House: You're right. Does sound like you, though.
Dr. Wilson: What exactly did Cuddy tell you?
Dr. House: Nothing that your body language isn't telling me right now. So what was the plan? I'd feel so horrible by missing a case that I'd re-evaluate my entire life, question the nature of truth and goodness and become Cameron?
Dr. Wilson: Something like that. More that if we'd told you the truth, that you'd solved it based on absolutely no medical proof, you'd think you were God, and I was worried your wings would melt.
Dr. House: God doesn't limp.
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Dr. House: Infectious or environmental...all we have to do is check out parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, prions, radiation, toxins, chemicals, or it's Internet porn related. I'll check the Internet, you guys get the rest of the stuff.
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Dr. Wilson: Well, I've seen House be rude to you a thousand times, but I've never seen it get to you.

Dr. Cuddy: People think House has no inner censor. But the fact is he holds himself back, because when he wants to hurt, he knows just whereto poke a sharp stick. I have been trying to get pregnant, and House knew. He told me I would fail as a mother.

Dr. Wilson: And you're this upset because you think he's right?
Dr. Cuddy: I've had three separate implantations. The first two never took. The last one I lost.
Dr. Wilson: I'm sorry. You didn't fail. Those where physical events.
Dr. Cuddy: A little girl is... scared and in pain. I was awkward, terrified of doing the wrong thing.
Dr. Wilson: That's normal. That's —
Dr. Cuddy: [crying] I didn't hug her. I didn't even reach out and hold her hand. I told her it was gonna be okay.
Dr. Wilson: She needed reassurance.
Dr. Cuddy: I told her her folks might get back together. When I see people with their kids, it's so natural. It's like they have an instruction book imprinted on their genes. Maybe I just didn't get a copy. Maybe my wanting to be a mother is like a tone-deaf person wanting to sing opera or a paraplegic who wants to —
Dr. Wilson: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, I see what you mean about House poking in the right spot.

[Cuddy chuckles wryly]
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Dr. House: RIGHT! She's SIX! She's CUTE! She CAN'T have flesh-eating bacteria! It's just WRONG! Let's cure her with sunshine and puppies! Cute kids die to terrible illnesses! Innocent doctors go to jail! It's because COWARDS like you won't stand up and do what's required! You can sit around and moan about who's the bigger weakling, and I'm gonna' do my job.
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Dr. House: You see, that's what's called a faulty syllogism; just because you call Bill a dog doesn't mean that he is... a dog.
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Dr. Foreman: [to Cameron] People who avoid commitment are people who know what a big thing it is.
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Dr. House: You want third-world treatment? [Turns up the thermostat] You got it. Boy, is it hot here in Jani!
Dr. Cameron: What are you doing?
Dr. House: What am I doing? [He knocks Sebastian's things onto the floor] Putting everything on the floor of the hut. Uh oh, wicked magic box with the moving pictures!
Dr. Cameron: You think he's a hypocrite?
Dr. House: [Unplugging the TV] Hypocrite? No, everyone in Africa's got cell phones or running water. [He has dropped Sebastian's cell phone in the toilet] This thing just will not flush.
Sebastian: Do you really think that if you come in here and make it a little hot, make it smell a little, that I'm just going to fold and abandon everything that matters to me?
Dr. House: [Wiping his cane on Sebastian's blanket] Lousy sanitation over there, too. You are not the same as them; your life is not the same. And you are cheapening everything they're going through by pretending you are.
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Whoa! I think I got into this thing just a bit too much. It's 4AM already. Hehe..

See you! :-)