Dr. Gregory House: For now. We're in the honeymoon period. Our brains are flooded with endorphins. Once she snaps out of it, where does that leave us?
Dr. James Wilson: House, you don't actually think she'd dump you because you, what, don't do yoga? Listen to the B-52s?
Dr. Gregory House: Not right away. We'll fight, makeup sex, fight, maybe sex, and then she'll dump me. With possible goodbye sex.
Dr. James Wilson: So, instead of enjoying the honeymoon phase, you've decided to skip it entirely.
Dr. Gregory House: No, then she'll start pretending to like things that she really doesn't just to make me feel better, which will make her feel even worse, which won't be my fault, so I'll resent her, and that won't be her fault, so she'll resent me. At least with my plan I get my one a day with iron till the bitter end.
Dr. Gregory House: This woman is on a 72-hour psychiatric hold. If she tries to run, shoot her. With a sedative, if that's more convenient.
Dr. Eric Foreman: So we're taking this case 'cause you're a fan?
Dr. Gregory House: No, that would be crazy and unprofessional. You're taking this case 'cause I said so.
Dr. Chris Taub: I have plans with my wife.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, nice try, but you hate your personal life. And you obviously don't have one.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No. She's the woman you put on the psych hold. This isn't a date. We're on a case.
Dr. Gregory House: Ever hear of multitasking?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Did you steal her keys?
Dr. Gregory House: Think I'd take the Dean of Medicine on a “B” and “E”
Dr. Robert Chase: Good morning, gentlemen. Well, if it's any consolation, I didn't get any sleep either.
Dr. Gregory House: Put some lipstick on Chase and start chelation therapy. Confirm with another urine test... Okay. I'll go talk to Cuddy. Maybe she'll let us borrow a dress too.
Dr. Gregory House: I need some help with Alice Tanner. She wants a vagina.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm pretty attached to mine.
Dr. Gregory House: I've been busy.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Doing what?
Dr. Gregory House: You.
Dr. James Wilson: Huh. This is actually good, House. She's committing crimes. What does that tell you?
Dr. Gregory House: I'm a horrible influence.
Dr. James Wilson: True. A horrible influence she's reaching out to. She's looking for ways to connect. Sure, they're self-destructive, juvenile, and insane, but so are you. You do have something in common. You're both trying to find things you have in common.
Dr. Gregory House: And not finding them.
Alice Tanner : It's a writer thing. We're also good at reading people. Like you, for instance. Recently divorced. You slept with a girl last night. Her place, not yours. You probably won't return her calls.
Dr. Robert Chase: That... How?
Alice Tanner : The tan line from your former wedding ring. You stink of smoke, but no yellow on your fingers or teeth means she's the smoker. And you either didn't shower or change. Either way, her place.
Dr. Gregory House: She wants to die. You cannot trust anything she says.
Dr. Gregory House: We need to make her cooperate. We have to offer her something she wants.
Dr. Eric Foreman: She wants to kill herself House.
Dr. Gregory House: I can work with that.
Alice Tanner : I'm done writing Jack Cannon's adventures. And when I get out of here, I'll just be done.
Dr. Gregory House: Now don't you say that, you dirty birdie. You know, there are easier ways to go than shooting yourself in the head or tearing apart a limb. And this is one of them. The best part, you'll feel so good, you won't even notice you're dead.
Alice Tanner : You expect me to believe you're going to help me kill myself?
Dr. Gregory House: You're the perceptive one. You tell me.
Dr. Gregory House: No. I know pain. You think you can handle it, and one day you can't. When that happens, you either find reasons to go on, or you don't.
Alice Tanner : I'm... I'm all out of reasons.
Dr. Gregory House: Now. When you're pain free, you're gonna want to live and start writing again. And if I'm wrong, got a backup plan to take home with you.
Sam: I drove across town to treat a ribbon?
Dr. Gregory House: That's why I prefer lying. It makes things easier.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You used a 3 million dollar piece of hospital equipment so you could read a novel?
Dr. Gregory House: Cool, right?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What is her problem?
Dr. Gregory House: She hates Jews!
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Never... again.
Dr. Gregory House: I avenged my Lady.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Seatbelt nearly broke my neck. I'm done for the night.
Dr. Gregory House: It's not my fault Wilson's attracted to psychos.
Dr. Chris Taub: We're dead on our feet. I've barely slept in four days.
Dr. Gregory House: Aw... that's sad. You know what's even sadder? Thirteen was the only man on my team.
Dr. Gregory House: As your boyfriend, I'm grateful for the effort. As your employee, I'm disappointed at your ineffectiveness.
Dr. Gregory House: She wants to punish herself... for something that happened before she was famous, before she even started to write. I think the answer's in her old medical records. But dopey, sleazy, and uptighty can't find them.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: As your boss, I am opposed to you lying to a patient. As your girlfriend, I'm glad you care.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm not gonna dump you because we like different food or books or music. On the other hand, I might dump you if you don't talk to me when you have a problem with our relationship.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Who cares about common? Common is boring. It's... common! I like being with you. You make me better. Hopefully, I make you better. What we have is... uncommon. And I've never been happier.
Alice Tanner : How many answers do you get in real life?
Dr. Gregory House: This is a book. Books have beginnings, middles, and ends. You can't just leave it on a cliffhanger — who does that?
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