Dr. Eric Foreman: Whoever did this has a bone to pick with you. Ironic, since your bone is...
Dr. Robert Chase: is not in that picture. My proof is right here. You really want to see it?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He slept with three women there.
Martha Masters: Oh, you're a whore!
Dr. Gregory House: Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic. There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance. What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying. Which means that your parents either disciplined you too much or too little ... I'm guessing too little.
Martha Masters: It's hardly surprising you agree with our patient's philosophy. You run your department like a boot camp. As if cruelty ensures performance.
Dr. Gregory House: ... Oh, is this where I'm supposed to disagree with you?
Dr. Gregory House: Fascinating... without misdirect. Cath him and see what's stopping him from emptying his bilge. Oh, not you, Chase. Sending Captain Micropenis to deal with what is probably normal-sized equipment, it's too cruel, even for me.
Driscoll: The kids I work with at the camp are there because a judge sent them. I can't teach them good behaviors without first getting rid of all their bad ones. That's not gonna happen unless I push them.
Dr. Robert Chase: My password was "password."
Martha Masters: You're a dumb whore.
Dr. Chris Taub: Listen, this is a tough time for me. Breaking up with Rachel, moving into a hotel. I want you to know how much your humiliation has eased my burden.
Dr. Gregory House: I all but ignored your assault, showed you no compassion whatsoever, but you came up with a good idea. Score one for tough love.
Dr. James Wilson: Go away, House. I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view.
Dr. Gregory House: But it's been working so well!
Dr. Eric Foreman: So there are no bad kids, only bad parents? Then why is my brother an ex-con?
Martha Masters: Treating kids decently doesn't mean identically. Some kids need more structure or discipline.
Dr. Chris Taub: We could enhance the image. Maybe her face is reflected in that gleam off your butt cheek. Or maybe it's time to chalk this up to the hazards of being a player.
Dr. Robert Chase: Your zipper problems just blew up your marriage.
Dr. Chris Taub: Don't move. Unlike me, you've had the decency not to cheat on anyone, but you haven't been giving much thought to who these women are, how they might feel. Obviously, you hurt one of them. Emotionally, you hurt her, because physically, how would you even know?
Dr. Chris Taub: Looks like your shorty is a shorty.
Dr. Gregory House: That means he's running out of time. It means you are too. Your campaign to soften him up so he would go easier on the kids... All in a pointless attempt to validate your own upbringing.
Dr. Gregory House: Cancel your credit card, find that girl, and marry her.
Dr. Gregory House: Dog training clicker. Gives immediate positive reinforcement, bridging the precious seconds between desired behavior and treat delivery.
Dr. James Wilson: House, she's not a dog... It really seems to be working... Does Cuddy know that Rachel's here, and that you're turning her into a schnauzer?
Dr. James Wilson: The sacrifices we make for our children's education.
Dr. Gregory House: ... And conversations with moralizing strangers do not make people change their behavior.
Martha Masters: Why is it impossible to believe I made a compelling argument, and he...
Dr. Gregory House: If he changed, it's because something besides you made that argument compelling.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm Dr. House. And that boy is the spitting image of his mother. Of course, I've never seen her, but his care worker told my lackey that you paid his enrollment fee at the camp. That could mean that you're a family friend, but then, why hide it? The only person who'd want to hide it... is his deadbeat dad, who has decided not to be a deadbeat anymore.
Dr. Chris Taub: Soon, he won't have to worry about his kid finding out. Being dead makes keeping secrets much easier. Neither one was responding to botulism treatment, and the boy started having seizures.
Martha Masters: You'll apologize to me for something done in a psychotic state, but you won't own up to being his father. What happened to "actions have consequences, a man accepts them"?
Driscoll: I'm in his life, and I am working to get him on the right path.
Martha Masters: He doesn't need a drill instructor. He needs a dad.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's so sweet of you coming to this.
Dr. Gregory House: Just trying to be supportive. I've heard that's what boyfriends do.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Hi, honey. Hi. Did you have fun? Yeah?
Dr. Gregory House: She seemed so dumb, but when the pressure was on, she knew what had to be done, and she did it.
Clinic Patient: You're pumped 'cause your kid lied?
Dr. Gregory House: She's not my kid. She's a pain in the ass. And she's a better liar than you are. You didn't cut your leg getting into your truck. The abrasion has dirt and gravel in it. A bit of fertilizer too.
Dr. Gregory House: She didn't hesitate. She didn't oversell. Took me years to learn how to lie like that. And Rachel has it on instinct.
Clinic Patient: Sounds like you're real fond of that kid.
Dr. Gregory House: You're really not good with nuance, are you? I admire her talent. I'm just gonna numb you up... I gotta go.
Dr. Gregory House: You don't think a white guy can be a bad father? Happy to check your DNA. Do you really think he'd say he's your dad if he isn't? It's not like you're a catch.
Dr. Robert Chase: Do you seek vengeance on every guy who acts like an ass? Could be a
full-time job.
Ali: When we were talking, you seemed like a nice guy. So either you're a great actor, or you're a nice guy who lost his way. Whatever the reasons, a little negative reinforcement seemed to be warranted.
Ali: Oh, currently, your password is "great big ho." Change it back to anything but "password."
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