Joe Dugan: Well, that's great. You can be the most moderate ex-senator in the
country. Hal, the election is seven days away, and even our own internals show
you down six points.
Senator Hal Anderson: We've always been the underdog. And we've always found a way to win.
Joe Dugan: I know. Because you have always let me do what's needed to be done.
Dr. Gregory House: Look at it like this, of all the ways to rupture it, nothing honors the real Achilles more than blowing the dismount on a keg stand.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What's that smell? Onions? Peppers? Oh, I know! It's a sausagefest.
Dr. Gregory House: Sausagefest implies multiples. Now, if you're talking about yardage, I'd have to agree.
Dr. Gregory House: She'll be incredibly useful if my next patient is an Escher drawing. Those things are seriously screwed up.
Dr. Gregory House: Just because my sausage has been filling your bun, it doesn't mean you get to decide what flavor chips I nosh on during the day.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Senator Anderson sent this case to us, and personally requested we take a look. That's reason enough for me.
Dr. Gregory House: Black guy campaigning for the opposition? Does Obama know about this?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I tried calling him on the brother hotline. He didn't pick up.
Dr. Gregory House: Martha M. Masters? I'm Dr. House. This is the rest of the team. Boring, Bimbo, and Bite-size. Martha enjoys quadratic equations, Italian frescoes, and her turn-ons include learning to be a doctor. Take a seat.
Dr. Gregory House: She's like the Internet with breasts. Oh, no, wait! The Internet has breasts.
Dr. Eric Foreman: If patients know we're coming, they can hide something relevant to their illness intentionally or unintentionally. Their knowledge changes things.
Dr. Chris Taub: Are you a vampire? It's okay. We're inviting you in.
Dr. Gregory House: E coli is found in animals. So unless he's drinking pork cider… (Having a
fake epiphany) Pork cider! (Points at Taub) I need the number of the patent
office.
Dr. Chris Taub: Masters refused to go on the search with us.
Dr. Gregory House: Interesting. Which raises the question, what is your problem with her?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He is intimidated by her intelligence.
Dr. Gregory House: Why would that bother Taub? He's been working with people smarter than him for a long time. I think perky new girl makes him feel old.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, but she's a student. Makes you contemplate your med school days. Back when you had hair, muscle tone, and no need for a regular prostate exam.
Martha Masters: How can we ask our patients to trust us if we're not honest with them?
Dr. Chris Taub: How can we ask the patient to trust us after we tell him he can't trust us? Fine. Tell him. Clear your conscience, because that's what's important.
Joe Dugan: Medicine's like politics. At the end of the day, all that matters is results.
Martha Masters: That's not true. Respect matters. Honesty and integrity matter.
Joe Dugan: Have you ever thought about running for public office? Because I would love to have someone like you as an opponent.
Dr. Gregory House: Hooray! You popped your cherry, diagnostically speaking. Unfortunately, the first time always sucks. Pitch doesn't make any sense. Dugan's cornea was normal. You're obviously brilliant. So why would you hide your mind?
Dr. Gregory House: Rules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't make up their own mind. You obviously don't fit into that category, so why put yourself
there?
Dr. Gregory House: Masters. If lying to a patient saved their life, would you do it?
Martha Masters: No.
Dr. Gregory House: That's a lie. If your grandma gave you a really crappy tea cozy for Christmas, would you tell her you liked it?
Martha Masters: Yes, but that's different.
Dr. Gregory House: So, you lie when it doesn't matter but you won't when it does. How'd you get so screwed up?
Dr. Gregory House: Never mind, then. She's got principles. She's like the love child of Einstein and Mary Poppins. Didn't even get Einstein's hair.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's worth having someone on the team who doesn't see the world entirely
as shades of gray.
Martha Masters: I wasn't looking for encouragement. It's a fact. Growing up, my whole life, really, I spent a lot of time by myself. And no one in high school wants to hang out with a kid that's three years younger than them. And studying Anosov diffeomorphisms, determining whether an unattributed landscape is a blakelock or a ryder or... I'm actually boring you right now.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We gotta give Masters some pointers, help her figure out how to deal with House.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why would I do that? The entertainment factor is off the charts. It's like watching a bunny hop into a buzz saw. Repeatedly.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And if we don't help her, she's out of here.
Dr. Robert Chase: No, something else is stopping House from firing her. I'm guessing it's his desire to keep having sex with Cuddy.
Joe Dugan: You say fears. I say rational, protective instincts. And judging by your accent, immigration probably isn't an issue you can be real impartial about.
Joe Dugan: He doesn't. You know that picture of him with the Mexican flags that seems to be from a pro-amnesty rally? That's from an amnesty international speech protesting the imprisonment of priests in Oaxaca. Yes, you did just prove that that ad is even more disgusting than you thought. You also proved that ad is effective. You still think my judgment is off?
Dr. Gregory House: So this guy spends his entire life campaigning against bleeding hearts. And it turns out he has one.
Dr. Gregory House: She can't diagnose a joke, but she's making progress on the patient.
Dr. Gregory House: The road to dead patients is paved with "or"s. Chemo is the more effective treatment, which means it'll confirm our diagnosis more quickly.
Martha Masters: I agree, but there is another option.
Dr. Gregory House: There are lots of other options. There's bloodletting, crystals, prayer...
Martha Masters: Another medically accepted option.
Dr. Gregory House: Which is both less effective and less scary. So the patient might just choose it. Unless, of course, we don't mention it to him.
Senator Hal Anderson: Doctor, can you talk some sense into him?
Dr. Gregory House: Would that I could, but ethics dictate that it's his decision. So all I can do now is return to my office knowing, even as my patient endangers himself, my integrity remains unblemished.
Dr. Gregory House: No, you're not. (he takes off his glasses) I don't mind your morality in theory. But in practice, you're risking my patient's life. So you're fired.
Martha Masters: As I recall, you have three actual doctors you haven't fired today.
Dr. Gregory House: They're in jail.
Martha Masters: What? Why?
Dr. Gregory House: Prostitution. So you're rehired.
Dr. Gregory House: He screwed you.
Joe Dugan: That was a hell of a move. Use the ad to shore up the base, fire the extremist to hold the center.
Dr. Chris Taub: We talked for an hour. She didn't remember me. She remembers the 20th digit of some math constant, but she doesn't remember a guy she had a one-on-one meeting with.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, I barely remember you.
Dr. Chris Taub: Mystery solved. Now we can all go back to our lives.
Dr. Gregory House: Come on, stop pretending you're not gonna do this. As much as you hate me, you hate failing more.
Martha Masters: I didn't fail. You fired me. Repeatedly.
Dr. Gregory House: But if you walk away now, after I just rehired you, that's quitting.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's not an approved treatment and exposes us to liability. There's no way I can let you do this.
Martha Masters: That's an extremely cowardly position.
Dr. Gregory House: Listen to the genius.
Martha Masters: It's proper protocol for an unconventional treatment. But we shouldn't compromise patient care just to avoid lawsuits.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You'll figure something out. The two of you have combined I.Q. North of 300.
Dr. Gregory House: That's also true of five morons.
Dr. Gregory House: The world changes when you're on the inside. You just gotta roll with it once you get out.
Dr. Gregory House: Evidence, not proof.
Dr. James Wilson: You got two choices: To be honest and face the medical consequences, or lie and face the personal consequences.
Senator Hal Anderson: Now that you're my doctor, you can't tell anybody, right?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Thank you. There was a time when you would have completely ignored my request. That means a lot that you respect me enough to do this.
Dr. Gregory House: I've come a long way, baby.
Dr. Gregory House: How'd you like to come work for me?
Martha Masters: It's like I'm on a Mobius strip.
Dr. Gregory House: We've had this conversation. You want this job.
Dr. Gregory House: Prove yourself to me, no more games. At least, the current game ends. Others may start. You have my deeply-flawed word.
Martha Masters: What do I have to do?
Dr. Gregory House: Get Dugan to let us give him hep A. And while you're figuring out the best way to coax a patient into a treatment that has an 85% mortality rate, here's some advice: Don't.
Dr. Gregory House: You have a math degree. So let's see if you can follow along here. You lie to him, he definitely consents, he might live. You tell him the truth like last time, he might not consent, he definitely dies. Remind me what's so wrong about lying?
Martha Masters: He's risking his career to give you this chance. He wouldn't do that if there was any other choice.
Martha Masters: You can pretend you wanted me to lie, but you didn't. You want the people on your team to challenge you otherwise you'd just be a bully instead of a great doctor. You hired me because I don't compromise my principals.
Dr. Gregory House: Or I want a front row seat when you wake up and realize how useless your principals are. I don't want you to just lie to a patient. I want you to want to lie to a patient.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: And miss the ultimate admission that I was right about Masters all along?
Dr. Gregory House: She had me when she called you a coward. You gonna hang out?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I have to work late. Gloating requires a lot of paperwork.
No comments:
Post a Comment