Today, my son had his first experience with the death of an animal. It's not his pet, as we don't have one, but it might as well have been one for him.
It was raining hard the past few days, and as such, snails are coming out of the woodwork. Today was exceptionally sunny, so they took the opportunity to go to the playground. While playing, he came upon a very very small snail. Having just watched Turbo the previous week, he wanted to play with the little snail, which he admiringly called Baby Turbo. He wanted to feel it's tiny shell. But -- as most 3-year-olds -- he does't have full control of his hands and fingers' strength and crushed the poor thing.
He was shocked and asked his Ate "Fix natin si Baby Turbo" (Let's fix Baby Turbo.) He cried. A lot. The same cries he makes when he is emotionally overwhelmed when he knows he did something he shouldn't have done. It was the cry of guilt and sadness. As his dad, I felt and heard the pain in his cries. (Parents, you know this.) And whenever he is reminded of the incident, he cries again. I hugged and comforted him, telling him that it's okay. I tried to redirect his attention first, as it was time for his bath.
While he was taking a bath, I searched the internet for some advise. Most of the things I found are related to kids dealing with death of their pets. While not technically a pet, these are definitely something I can use.
Later, I asked him again what happened to Baby Turbo. He's trying to hold back his tears but is clearly upset. With a sad face and eyes winking back the tears, he tries to change topic. Staying on course, I asked him to look into daddy's eyes. (We're training him to look into our eyes whenever we have to say something serious or important.) I said that I know that he is upset because Baby Turbo died. (Yeah, those internet advise said no sugar coating -- use the word "dead" instead of "passed away".) I said that it's okay to be sad and to remember next time to be more careful. I asked if he wanted to pray for Baby Turbo, to which he immediately clasped his hands in the praying position. (We teach him to pray every day and every night and every meal.) After that I asked him to give me a hug. It took a few tries but when he finally did, I knew that he found a certain amount of comfort in it.
He felt better at least for a bit, but I knew that he is still upset. This experience was weighing heavily on his mind, as it shows in his face and his body language. It's expected, I guess, as he is still in that grieving mode. This is his first grief so I have no idea yet how long his grieving period is going to last. All I can tell is that his crankiness level has increased tenfold but I'm extending my rope; after all, this is a traumatic experience for him. I just let him be and let him express it and deal with it on his own way. I'll just stay on the sidelines for now and observe how he progresses.
11:58 AM, he is about to eat his lunch. Before that he prayed on his own. (Normally we need to remind him to pray first before eating.) He prayed to Papa Jesus to bless the food, the "rice na may sabaw" (rice soaked in soup), and to take care of Ate Keizha (his cousin who just got out of the hospital) and Baby Turbo. As he ate, his crankiness went done several notches. So he was hungry and upset, never a good combination. :))
I'd say things are looking up, taking a turn for the positive. All things considered, something good has come out of this experience. A hard lesson in life (and death) introduced at an early age, and slowly reinforcing the praying habit. And I'm blogging again after another extended hiatus. :D
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