I just watched April 1 edition of Raw. I already know what Bleacher Report said, but I want to see myself and have my own take on it.
Nice opening montage. Look at Heyman go! Didn't know he had it in him. :)) ECW! ECW! ECW!
Great! JBL is in the house with Cole and the King. I can't wait for JBL to rip through Cole in commentary. I think he should be there permanently -- unless of course if he's climbing mountains and stuff for charity.
John Cena promo: Cenacrats? Rockpublicans? Eh. Really? Okay. :| This is my only gripe on this promo. I dunno why they said he's overdoing the tease for a heelturn. I don't see him teasing a turn, much less overdoing it. A few strong words against Rock dies not make heel turn. It's a good promo, Cena selling to the crowd his passion to win over the Rock. Then again, if he does turn, then it's a surprising risky swerve, albeit a pleasant one for Wrestlemania. Many complain that WM28 matches are predictable. Well, this heelturn should be good then.
Orton-Show-Sheamus is next: now this one here, Orton turning heel, is overdoing it. I watched his last segments for a couple of weeks playing the "voice of reason" of the group and... Well... Eeewww... All this hugging, handshaking, cheering, this lovefest from Orton... It looks too rehearsed. Soooo fake. Sooo icky... Soooo turning heel. Orton doesn't do the face very well. Put him out of misery and let him turn heel.
3MB has been the jobber for the stars this WM season. Personally, I prefer just Heath Slater being the jobber for the legends last year, leading up to Raw1000 (Vader, DDP, Lita to name a few). Oh well, at least for them they get televised matches every week.
JBL: (3MB is) what happens when Mean Street Posse went to a karaoke bar.
King: I think 3MB should call themselves 999 Megabytes, coz they haven't had a Gig yet. (Uhh... The inner nerd in me gets it, but really it's a joke that's waaaay too cerebral. Just my opinion. :|)
Orton Lovefest vs 3MB: it's a decent, 3-minute or so match, 3MB really taking it to them. I enjoy Big Show hitting the Spear the best though. Not the best Spear of his life, mind you. Well, 3MB lost as predicted.
SHIELD promo: after the match, SHIELD makes an appearance and cuts a half-decent promo. I dunno. I prefer it when they do their promos backstage with the weird camcorder thingie.
Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger promo: I think I was waiting for a more impactful promo. I'm having my lunch while watching, but I didn't even bother to look up. I had to press rewind to see what I missed... which was not much. They're supposed to be selling Jack as someone who was brainwashed by Colter right? Why not have Jack get that crazed, fanatic look - unkempt hair, wide-open eyes, always loud. Oh well...
Alberto del Rio promo: nothing special. Sorry.
Daniel Bryan vs Dolph Ziggler: match of the night. The world's toughest vegan with the crazy beard gets the biggest pops anywhere! One of the best 10 minutes of this show. Haven't seen the tarantula move for a while now. Yes! Sick kick to the side of the head . Yes! Flying goat headbutt misses! Yes! Sleeper! Yes! Reversal to another sleeper! Yes! Jackknife cover reverse to bridge! Oh Yes! Double crossbody! Yes! That's a match! AJ skips around Kane, leaving him open to Big E Langston. Daniel Bryan kicks him for the save. Dolph pins him with a roll up while grabbing the tights. Big E dominates the ring. Even blocking a chokeslam from Kane, overpowering him and hitting his signature move. Nice build for Big E to go head to head with Kane in WM.
JBL: (AJ's) a few cards short of a full deck, like 52 short. Ha!
King: If looks could kill right now, Daniel Bryan will be pushing up daisies.
DC Crowd: AJ's crazy! AJ's crazy!
Cole: She is a wack job.
JBL: No. She had to be more sane to be a wack job.
Cole: She's a brick shy if a load.
JBL: The Kathy Bates of WWE.
JBL: That nutcase may have the next tag team champions.
Shawn Michaels promo: Mr. Wrestlemania makes an appearance and basically declares he wants Trips to win and that he'll be in his corner. I guess that's one way to ensure more people will tune in amd order the PPV. Shawn Michaels comes out. Then Triple H. Then Brock and Heyman heats things up.
Paul Heyman promo: as usual, he's gold on the mic. :)
Paul Heyman: My client, Brock Lesnar, whether you like it or not, is going to beat you into retirement this Sunday at Wrestlemania (huge heat from the crowd).
And I understand how much how that disappoints all of you and that's the point if us being here. You, sir, are going to have to learn to live with all that disappointment. Think about it. Triple H, you're going to disappoint your father-in-law the chairman of the board, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, because you won't be able to fight his battles anymore. You are going to disappoint the board of directors because you're not going to be able to fulfill your duties as chief operating officer anymore. You're going to disappoint your wife... but you're probably used to that anyway (huge ooohs from the crowd)...
Paul Heyman: You should have walked away like Shawn Michaels walked away when he got beat at Wrestlemania but now, I assure you, you won't be able to walk away. When Brock Lesnar is done with you, you're going to crawl away with your tail between your legs, a beaten, battered, emasculated retiree that has disappointed the entire WWE Universe because you were never man enough to beat Brock Lesnar. The very same Brock Lesnar who after all these years has forced the Cerebral Assassin to commit professional suicide.
The sound guys missed their cue. They played Brock's theme like 5 seconds after Paul's promo.
Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett vs Zack Ryder (The Miz in commentary): Zack Ryder has been in a downward spiral the last few months, losing match after match. This time at least in this 4 minute match, he gave Wade a run for his money. Or at least that's what I tell myself. Zack gets the upperhand early on before getting derailed by Wade. Wade then had a verbal confrontation with the Miz, giving Zack the chance to control the match. Shortly though, Wade regains momentum and hits Zack with the Bullhammer.
This build up to the Miz-Barret IC match has done as much as it can to build the WM pre-show. Not that anyone appears to be interested in it anyway. IC title match? In a pre-show? Oh well...
Team Brickie-Santino Marella backstage segment: it's supposed to be an April Fools "I fooled you" segment. I dunno. Came off as weird. Awkward? But hey, let's go to the worked shoot match next...
Santino Marella vs Mark Henry: Mark Henry's eclipse entrance is awesome! (Camera still focused onthe lights or the ring, working it's way back to the ramp then boom! Lights out... Mark Henry's massive frame blocks out the light. Hehe) Santino makes the most if this 1 minute squash match to sell how unstoppable Mark Henry is while still being a little humorous. A little. Success for him on that one, I think. World's strongest slam wins Henry the match. Ryback makes his way to the ring, while Goldberg chants ring out through the arena. No contact clause.
Mark Henry to Ryback: Nobody wants to get their hands on you like I do. And I know you want to put yours on me. But tonight is not the night. There's only thing that's going to happen tonight. And that's smile... (Is it me or does this sound like a line from some sleazy flick?)
Ryback: I didn't touch you. (To Santino) Are you okay? (Then picks up Santino, then throws him over the top rope to Mark Henry. Hilarious.)
CM Punk interview: not his best promo, but still better than most. (I think he gives his best promos while on stage or in the ring. )
CM Punk: I think the better question is "Do I give a damn if I'm disrespecting the memory if Paul Bearer?" You see, what I'm trying to do is get in the Undertaker's head. Because I'm trying to win. And the only legacy or memory or career I care about is my own. And I'm fixing to do something that nobody else has been able to do at Wrestlemania and that's beat the Undertaker's streak. And Undertaker right now is more concerned with Paul Bearer's streak of waking up every single morning and the fact that that's now over... And that's a bad omen for the Undertaker and his streak. And the stark difference between myself and every other opponent of the Undertaker's at Wrestlemania is I will do whatever it takes to win. And the Undertaker's coming for my soul. He's coming to break my bones, scar my face and the only thing I'm concerned about is beating him. So if he loses his temper and gets disqualified, I win. If he takes his eyes of the prize for just one single second, maybe I'll tap him out. Maybe he'll find himself on the floor for just a second too long. Either way, he still loses! I will do whatever I have to do. I will walk on graves, I will spit in faces, I will do whatever it takes to beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. And I promise you, at the end of this year's Wrestlemania, everytime somebody thinks about the grandest stage of them all, everytime somebody thinks of Wrestlemania, they're gonna think of CM Punk.
Zeb Colter vs Alberto del Rio: Zeb quickly gets disqualified after hitting ADR with Ricardo's crutch. Zeb and Jack quickly dispatch ADR ripping through his back with the broken crutches. Reminds me of the old school hardcore matches back in the day. I just think the segment was just a tad bit too short. ADR had the chance to sell the welts on his back to the crowd but was quickly cutoff by the John Cena promo recap and the Rock Up Next announcement.
I thought the commentary was great on this one as well. I love JBL ripping through Cole on this one:
JBL: Oh yeah, you love Freedom of Speech until somebody uses it!
Cole: Somebody get that crutch away from him.
JBL: You weren't yelling that when Alberto del Rio had a crutch last week. BE CONSISTENT!
Cole: You want to be a part of Jack Swagger's so-called America if he wins the World Championship on Sunday?
JBL: No, I don't. But I grant them the right to be part of whatever America they want to be part of.
JBL: You media types love freedom of speech until it's actually used!
Cole: Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger have been spewing this mindless propaganda...
JBL: Propaganda? Would you stop with the World War II, Cold War references! It's not propaganda, it's freedom of speech!
Cole: It's garbage is what it is.
JBL: And you have the right to say that Michael, just like they have the right to say what they say!
That verbal tirade between Cole and JBL was what I was waiting for. And one of the more successful parts of this entire segment.
The Rock promo: maybe it's just me but I think the Rock's promo was a bit... strange? He wants to be president? And his usual schtick is really grating. (Finally, the Rock has cone back to blah blah blah...) Gets old everytime he dies that. For me at least, I think the promo would have been better if he just went straight to the point and addressed John Cena. None of that decade-old catchphrase, and the president Rock bit.
Chris Jericho vs Antonio Cesaro: was the Rock a tough act to follow? Not really. Especially if it's the calibre of Y2J. They had a great long match, long enough to warrant a commercial break - about 10 minutes more or less. Early during the match, Fandango makes his grand entrance. He started scoring Jericho's moves, giving mostly 2s, clearly not impressed. Since them, Antonio has taken control of the match showcasing his unorthodox skills and... yodelling?? Favorite spot was Cesaro's gut-wrench suplex counter to the walls of jericho. Eventually though, Jericho scores the submission victory with the Walls. Cesaro did look good despite the loss. Quickly, Fandango hits the ring and lays Jericho to waste. Funny how the DC crowd keeps chanting "you can't wrestle!" Hehe.
Surprisingly, at least for me, the commentary was entertaining here as well. Not as fierce during the last match, but it was fun nonetheless.
JBL: You once took ballroom dancing, Michael...
Cole: Yes, I did.
King: Ha! Michael "3Left Feet" Cole!
Cole: I did! My wife and I did a chacha. We actually won an award back in New Jersey...
JBL: I was joking, Michael, I was joking. I was hoping you didn't do that.
King: The only reason you were never on Dancing with Stars... not because you can't dance, because you're not a star.
JBL: Jericho was the only WWE Superstar to be in Dancing with the Stars to not date George Clooney.
Cole: There's still a match going on guys.
King: Oh wait, there is?
Funkadactyls vs Bella Twins: the ladies will have their match while the guys are on ring side playing cheerleaders.
It's actually a surprisingly great match. I think this is originally just on this card just as a 5 minute filler, but the divas brought it all in the ring. The rear-view, hurricanrana, enziguiri, split leg drop (?)
JBL: The round mounds of get down.
Cole: The problem is since the Bellas returned to WWE, they rubbed everybody the wrong way.
King: They can rub me any way.
JBL: Tons of Funk sponsored by Sea World.
JBL: They're like the Natural Disasters plugged into an ipod.
King: We are in Washington DC, and the Bellas are here and the Funkadactyls... Pretty good bet that Bill Clinton is somewhere around too, right.
King: I swear that's how they look like at the dinner table when they're asking for seconds. (On Tons of Funk pounding both fists on the ring apron.)
JBL: We want cake! We want cake!
JBL: They look like large, rythmic tomatoes.
Cole: Obviously the Bellas love facial hair. The beard on Damien and the live-stache on Cody Rhodes. Maybe I should bring the goatee back.
JBL: How about a ski mask?
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