Using a Timer to Sway your Child to Do Something Else

Its night time, almost time for bed. You tell your kids while they're playing that it's time to clean up, brush teeth, and go to sleep.  Guess what happens? Tantrums. No end to it.

After sometime, we learned something: kids don't follow you just because you said so. At least that's how I see it. Shift your point of view to your kid's for just a minute: would you like it if you're busy saving the world (or blowing it up) when your mom or dad told you that it's time to go to bed? Not likely. You're finally winning and enjoying your time in the spotlight then all of that stopped when your mom or dad steals your thunder and tells you to go to bed. That's not right! We won't stand for it! We need justice! :))

No one likes force directed at them, especially one that forces a change in whatever they are currently enjoying. The natural response is to resist; and for some kids, they have an endless list of what that means. Tantrums. Crying. Shouting. Scratching. Clawing. Kicking (my son has some pretty nasty kicks, powered by those big beefy legs of his). Shouting louder. Destruction. Mayhem. You name it.

When kids enjoy something they're doing right now, they won't stop, and they don't want to stop. At least not right now. Inertia.

At this age when your kids have been socializing a bit, they recognize their self-worth. And they want to have their own authority. And they exert their will to anything and anyone! :) It makes them feel important (because they are but they're just grasping that concept now) and they want to do things their own way and at their own time.

Forcing a change against their will is catastrophic. Believe me I know. Been there, done that, still doin' it from time to time. So no, don't force a sudden change to your kid. Ease him into it. Give him some time to prepare for this change.

That's when we stumbled on this gem of simplicity: a timer.

As playtime is about to end, we told him that he still has 10 minutes which we set on our timer. The next steps that he wanted was that after the alarm goes off, he is to brush his teeth, then weewee, then read one bedtime story book, then listen to a made-up "once upon a time" story, pray, kiss mommy and daddy, milk, then go to sleep. When timer expires and the alarm goes off, he excitedly drops whatever he's doing (as if he's been waiting eagerly for the alarm to sound off finally -- because at this point, he is now READY) and goes to us to brush his teeth.

You don't give in to him and he doesn't give in to you. You compromise. Your kid feels you recognize his/her self-worth by respecting his/her to continue playing for 10 minutes more, giving them enough time to say goodbye to their toys (although they don't actually say it out loud).  And you don't have to suffer through a pointless gauntlet of tantrums, crying, shouting, scratching, whatever.

Just sharing for fellow parents who might be running out of ideas. :)

First Encounter with Animal Death; Turning Guilt to a Positive Experience

Today, my son had his first experience with the death of an animal. It's not his pet, as we don't have one, but it might as well have been one for him.

It was raining hard the past few days, and as such, snails are coming out of the woodwork. Today was exceptionally sunny, so they took the opportunity to go to the playground. While playing, he came upon a very very small snail. Having just watched Turbo the previous week, he wanted to play with the little snail, which he admiringly called Baby Turbo. He wanted to feel it's tiny shell. But -- as most 3-year-olds -- he does't have full control of his hands and fingers' strength and crushed the poor thing.

He was shocked and asked his Ate "Fix natin si Baby Turbo" (Let's fix Baby Turbo.) He cried. A lot. The same cries he makes when he is emotionally overwhelmed when he knows he did something he shouldn't have done. It was the cry of guilt and sadness. As his dad, I felt and heard the pain in his cries. (Parents, you know this.) And whenever he is reminded of the incident, he cries again. I hugged and comforted him, telling him that it's okay. I tried to redirect his attention first, as it was time for his bath.

While he was taking a bath, I searched the internet for some advise. Most of the things I found are related to kids dealing with death of their pets. While not technically a pet, these are definitely something I can use.

Later, I asked him again what happened to Baby Turbo. He's trying to hold back his tears but is clearly upset. With a sad face and eyes winking back the tears, he tries to change topic. Staying on course, I asked him to look into daddy's eyes. (We're training him to look into our eyes whenever we have to say something serious or important.) I said that I know that he is upset because Baby Turbo died. (Yeah, those internet advise said no sugar coating -- use the word "dead" instead of "passed away".) I said that it's okay to be sad and to remember next time to be more careful. I asked if he wanted to pray for Baby Turbo, to which he immediately clasped his hands in the praying position. (We teach him to pray every day and every night and every meal.) After that I asked him to give me a hug. It took a few tries but when he finally did, I knew that he found a certain amount of comfort in it.

He felt better at least for a bit, but I knew that he is still upset. This experience was weighing heavily on his mind, as it shows in his face and his body language. It's expected, I guess, as he is still in that grieving mode. This is his first grief so I have no idea yet how long his grieving period is going to last. All I can tell is that his crankiness level has increased tenfold but I'm extending my rope; after all, this is a traumatic experience for him. I just let him be and let him express it and deal with it on his own way. I'll just stay on the sidelines for now and observe how he progresses.

11:58 AM, he is about to eat his lunch. Before that he prayed on his own. (Normally we need to remind him to pray first before eating.) He prayed to Papa Jesus to bless the food, the "rice na may sabaw" (rice soaked in soup), and to take care of Ate Keizha (his cousin who just got out of the hospital) and Baby Turbo. As he ate, his crankiness went done several notches. So he was hungry and upset, never a good combination. :))

I'd say things are looking up, taking a turn for the positive. All things considered, something good has come out of this experience. A hard lesson in life (and death) introduced at an early age, and slowly reinforcing the praying habit. And I'm blogging again after another extended hiatus. :D

Proof that kids grow in the blink of an eye

Here's our proof that kids can grow quickly in a few short weeks.

Reviewing Pororo The Little Penguin

Not many people know this, but I really don't like Pororo the Little Penguin shown in Disney Junior (formerly Playhouse Disney). However, I do like the musicals, which I guess is the big draw here. (Great; now I'm using wrestling slang for a show/parenting-related post.)

I have some hesitations about posting this online and I'm going back and forth as to whether I should proceed or not -- Pororo's a very popular character, and I haven't met anyone yet who doesn't like the character. But, I guess I have to say my piece sooner than later, so I just finally went ahead and posted it.

The Bad: The "Moral" Story Episodes

I've watched several episodes and to be honest I find them quite disturbing.

Case in point: the "Let's Play Together" episode (Season 1 Episode 11). This is the very first episode I've seen and it has caused me to worry about this show since. Here's the summary (from the tvdb.com):

Pororo was playing on the swing. When Eddy came and asked him for one ride, Pororo ignored him and didn’t let him ride it. Eddy trying to persuade Pororo to come off the swing and Pororo resisting, they both hear their friends having a good time. Looking over, they find Loopy, Crong, and Poby having a wonderful time on the swing taking turns…

You can review the video in Youtube here.