Officer Soltes: These domestic situations, it's not uncommon to get cold feet.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Are you asking me to file charges? Just give me the paperwork. If Greg House steps foot in my hospital again, comes anywhere near me, I want him thrown in jail.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I'm surprised he approved it. I'm more surprised you actually asked.
Dr. Gregory House: I do things like that now. I'm making some changes… like skipping ahead to minute 37.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm not gonna watch a woman get set on fire.
Dr. Gregory House: Philistine.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You forgot about the fourth symptom — being completely crazy.
Dr. Remy Hadley: One man's crazy is another woman's art. Her work explores things like gender politics and self-image.
Dr. Gregory House: And the pressing issue of shaving your entire body in public while wearing a monkey mask.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I still vote for nuts. We should run a resting-state functional MRI to look for increased activity in the dorsal nexus.
Dr. Gregory House: She's not nuts.
Dr. Robert Chase: The monkey-mask-shaving medium really speaks to you?
Dr. Gregory House: What speaks to me is she's elevated being full of crap to a genuine art form and made a fortune doing it. People that pay 20 grand for one of her video stills, on the other hand, really do need their dorsal nexi checked.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Oh, thank God. The ICU isn't being attacked by giant radioactive spiders.
Dr. Gregory House: Did I text you that? That was meant for my dream journal.
Dr. Gregory House: I wanted to return your stuff. Don't worry. I didn't go AWOL. I had my wife-maid bring it over.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: My sweater, a coffee mug, a half-used bottle of lotion, and a DVD of “Marley & Me.”
Dr. Gregory House: Given your thing for Owen Wilson, I thought you might want those last two back asap.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I don't get it.
Dr. Gregory House: You masturbate to Owen Wilson.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh. It's a symbolic gesture. I want things to go back to the way they were before we started dating — no more bad feelings, no more issues, just work. Thanks for coming.
Dr. Gregory House: I think I could avoid putting another hole in my leg without talking about my mother.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Well, I don't want to find out you're wrong by getting another phone call from you in a bloody bathtub.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm a big believer that the best way to get past the past is to shoot it in the head, bury it in a deep pit, and pour lye on it.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm just asking you to talk about it. You owe me... Forget about saving your life. You exposed my daughter to that obnoxious pirate cartoon.
Dr. Gregory House: Bring me lunch tomorrow, and we can plumb my depths.
Luca: Afsoun believes explaining her work limits its potential. But between us, he was real and a total dick.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No sane person would let themselves be burned alive for the sake of art.
Afsoun Hamidi: My work is meant to force the audience to break with the rational and see things in a new way.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Fine. No sane person would let themselves be burned alive to "break with the rational."
Dr. Chris Taub: Congratulations. It's a gestational sac. Can't see anything this early.
Julia: Jerry is cute. He's a senior V.P. He kite-surfs in Costa Rica every winter, and he loves his mother.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Seasonally? Or is that just the kite-surfing?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What? Like I secretly wish I could alter the laws of the universe, change who we are, and magically make it work out?
Julia: Yes, that's exactly what I'm asking.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: My sarcasm indicated no.
Julia: No, your sarcasm indicated you wanted to avoid actually saying anything.
Dr. Gregory House: The reason Luca couldn't decide what to do in the treatment room is the same as in the gallery. He's been told not to intervene. Congratulations. We've become her latest work of art.
Dr. Remy Hadley: It shouldn't have surprised us. All her work is based on personal traumas. She's had Luca taking notes, videotape her treatments, collect things, like sharps and bandages. It'll all go into a gallery installation.
Dr. Chris Taub: Well, then I guess as long as long as the exploitation is properly motivated, it's all okay.
Dr. Chris Taub: Why are we even discussing this case? She lied to us. It's opening us up to malpractice.
Dr. Gregory House: Our practice opens us up to malpractice.
Dr. Eric Foreman: How do we know she's actually sick?
Dr. Gregory House: Her being sick is a clue.
Dr. Remy Hadley: She would have let him set her on fire because of the honesty of her work. Faking an illness doesn't fit.
Dr. Gregory House: Thirteen's right — at least her conclusion was. Everything else was laughably wrong. If the patient induced pancreatitis and a heart attack, she'd be suicidal.
Dr. Robert Chase: Exactly. She's risking her life all the time.
Dr. Gregory House: Exactly. If she wanted to be dead, she'd be dead a long time ago. Pretending to cheat death pays better than watercolors.
Dr. Gregory House: If you really cared about me, you wouldn't be so obvious when you scheme to prove me wrong. You volunteered because you want to C.T. her lungs, not her biliary tree. You want to find fibrosis and prove your "paint thinner" theory. If I don't come with, when you fail, you'll pretend you never tried. I don't really have a choice, now, do I?
Dr. Gregory House: Since I've seen your paycheck, I probably shouldn't. Canned beans aren't so bad... as long as they're cooked over an oil-drum fire under a bridge with the king of the hobos.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You stood me up.
Dr. Gregory House: Sorry. Should have scheduled my patient's internal bleeding for Thursday.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm expressing my anger. You should try it. Right now, let's finally have our fight.
Dr. Gregory House: All we do is fight.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No, all you've done is pull pranks or have temper tantrums with Wilson, never me, marry mail-order prostitutes, make me go to your wedding—
Dr. Gregory House: Wow, I hadn't realized the incredible healing power of lunch.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I know one conversation isn't gonna solve everything, but it is a start.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's a privacy curtain.
Dr. Eric Foreman: It wasn't working.
Dr. Gregory House: She was researching me?
Dr. Eric Foreman: For months. This isn't about creating art in the moment. It's about you. She set you up.
Dr. James Wilson: Knowing him, he'll be in a bar. He'll find one that matches how he feels inside. It'll be the most dark, depressing hole you can find in New Jersey.
Dr. Gregory House: What the hell was the point of this? What personal trauma are you exploiting. I’m... sorry — mining for its artistic potential?
Afsoun Hamidi: My illness. I did the blood doping to intrigue you, but I was already ill.
Luca: Wait. You're really sick?
Dr. Gregory House: Why me?
Luca: Do you know what you have?
Afsoun Hamidi: Yes.
Luca: So tell him.
Afsoun Hamidi: If I do, there won't be any game for him, and then there won't be any art for us.
Dr. Gregory House: You know, there's a lot of games I could play that don't involve dealing with narcissistic, manipulative poseurs.
Afsoun Hamidi: But this is a puzzle tailor-made for you. You don't know which of my symptoms are real, which are fake, which ones I'm not even telling you about. I know that intrigues you. Do you really want to end it now?
Dr. Gregory House: [quietly] No.
Dr. Eric Foreman: This is the new House — half the leg power, twice the irresponsibility?
Dr. Gregory House: The new House is about making my life healthier. Never said anything about yours. Go get her blood.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I'll do it. He's going through a tough patch right now. If this is the distraction he needs to keep him in his hospital bed, I'm sure it's better than any of the alternatives.
Dr. Gregory House: That was incredibly condescending. Did it work?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Why do you keep ducking your wife's calls? I'm sure she just wants to congratulate you about knocking up a 22-year-old nurse.
Afsoun Hamidi: How many projects have we done together? You're always so worried. Have you ever gone wrong trusting me?
Dr. Gregory House: There is another explanation. The reason she didn't react isn't 'cause she wants to die. It's 'cause she knows she can't do anything about it. Whatever she has is fatal. That should narrow it down.
Dr. Gregory House: See that tumor-ish thingamajig near her "brainamabob"?
Luca: Oh, God.
Dr. Gregory House: Are you getting this? Game's over. I won. Primary CNS lymphoma with associated paraneoplastic syndrome.
Afsoun Hamidi: We were having a fling. It wouldn't have been fair to involve you.
Luca: I'm involved now. You just didn't want to open up.
Afsoun Hamidi: Luca, my mind was not clear then.
Dr. Gregory House: ...You realized you could use your death to make your magnum opus. Maybe you wanted to show that no one can cheat death, even an entire team of doctors with unlimited resources. Or maybe your first doctors didn't treat you like a person — just a series of symptoms. You wanted to re-create that depersonalization. And I was the man to see.
Afsoun Hamidi: If that was what I thought, I don't any longer. You spent time with me. You took this personally.
Dr. Gregory House: No, I didn't. And I don't actually think your piece is about anything. I think you just figured out that you're mortal. You're just a bag of cells and waste with an expiration date. You wanted to act out. You wanted people to notice. Maybe you even prayed for a different answer this time. I got a title for your piece — "It Doesn't Mean Anything."
Dr. James Wilson: You're forging my name on prescriptions again.
Dr. Gregory House: No... What you just said implies that I stopped at some point.
Dr. Gregory House: You've chosen this moment to give me crap about my Vicodin use?
Dr. James Wilson: You filled this three days ago. Now it's almost half gone.
Dr. Gregory House: So is my leg.
Dr. Gregory House: Okay. So maybe I am trying to numb myself a little, because I'm trying to change, trying to stop being self-destructive.
Dr. James Wilson: So you can only handle not self-destructing by being self-destructive?
Dr. Gregory House: What do you want from me?
Dr. James Wilson: I don't know how many times I can watch you cut off pieces of yourself. Now it's the ICU, next time it'll be the morgue. You're miserable. And you're angry. And I want you to actually deal with that and not just try to medicate the issue away.
Dr. Gregory House: No. You know what I feel right now? I don't feel miserable or angry. I don't feel good or bad. I feel... nothing... which feels great.
Afsoun Hamidi: Radiation? On my brain? But it made me fuzzy last time. It was harder to work. I am still slowed down from it.
Dr. Gregory House: And it'll get worse. But, you know, dying can also do a number on your ability to think.
Afsoun Hamidi: This is my brain, my work, and my life...
Luca: You have more. This is not some great performance piece anymore. This is just crazy.
Luca: I can't watch you die... not when you can save yourself. Good-bye, Afsoun.
Dr. Gregory House: You think I have unresolved issues, and you are the unresolved issues.
Dr. Gregory House: I did it to fix my life. No, wait. No, I did it because I'm a deeply unhappy person. No–no, I did it to get sympathy from you. I did it to piss you off. I did it because I'm not over you. Or I was over you, and I was moving on. I did it because I wanted to know what it's like not to be in pain. I did it because I want to feel more pain. Whatever the reason, it was a bad reason and a bad idea. That's all that matters. Good lunch.
Afsoun Hamidi: Did I make the wrong choice? Five years, through every opening, every installation, every day and every night, he was there the whole time.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Except the first time you were diagnosed. You broke up with him, and you had to go through all of that alone. Maybe that's the real reason you're doing this piece — so that this time you can have him with you. You still could.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No. On a scale from one to creepy, you were maybe mildly unnerving.
Dr. Gregory House: Sorry. Just checking the stitches on my penis.
Dr. Gregory House: You made a decision.
Afsoun Hamidi: I changed my mind.
Dr. Gregory House: Why?
Afsoun Hamidi: Because there are more important things than—
Dr. Gregory House: Than what — than your brain, your abilities? It's where everything comes from — any meaning in your life, any happiness.
Afsoun Hamidi: Not all happiness—
Dr. Gregory House: He's already left once. He's gonna leave you again. You don't need to depend on people who are gonna let you down. If you do this, you're a pathetic hypocrite. You're saying that your whole life, all your work up until him was a pointless—
Afsoun Hamidi: Why are you doing this?
Dr. Gregory House: You're right. I feel much better.
Bartender: You want another one?
Dr. Gregory House: No, I think I've had enough. What do you think I should do today?
Bartender: I don't know. Go home?
Dr. Gregory House: Not tonight. Cheers.
Showing posts with label House. Show all posts
Showing posts with label House. Show all posts
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 22 - After Hours
Dr. Gregory House: Look at how much fun she's having.
Emily: That's because he has two functioning legs, capable of supporting her body weight.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Define okay. And just because I don't see bleeding doesn't mean it's not there.
Darrien: There was a raid. Andre needed to do something to slow the cops down.
Dr. Remy Hadley: He stabbed you as a distraction?
Darrien: Didn't work. Cops called an ambulance, left me lying there.
Dr. Remy Hadley: According to this, you're dead. You have no blood pressure. Barely have a pulse.
Darrien: Am I dying?
Dr. Remy Hadley: You're talking and alert, so your brain is getting blood.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Great. Uh, can you do me a huge favor? I need you to go to the hospital and check out a portable ultrasound machine for me.
Dr. Robert Chase: Who's the father?
Dr. Remy Hadley: I have a leak in my bathroom, and my guy won't come take a look at it till tomorrow morning, and an emergency plumber's 200 bucks an hour.
Dr. Gregory House: Figures you'd be wrapping up the trial by now. I just wanted to give you a hearty mazel tov.
Dr. Riggin: And don't forget the Nobel Prize for developing an incredibly expensive rat poison.
Dr. Riggin: Just some cramping. Their legs would stiffen up. They were having trouble moving around. We just thought their bodies were adjusting to the increase in muscle mass, but within a day or so they just started dying. Oh, well, get a new compound to play with next week.
Dr. Robert Chase: One portable ultrasound, extra pepperoni.
Dr. Robert Chase: Your socks are dry. And, unfortunately, so is your shirt, which means you either just changed to greet me, or you need this for something medical.
Dr. Robert Chase: Have you talked to anybody about it? I mean, are you okay?
Dr. Remy Hadley: No, I may have an aortic arch aneurysm. Oh, wait, that's her. Either help me or leave.
Dr. Remy Hadley: She saved me. There's a culture in prison. If you don't have someone to show you how to get the stuff you need and stay away from the stuff you don't, you're screwed.
Dr. Chris Taub: I don't know why she's even considering having my kid. She barely knows me. All she knows is I'm a short, balding guy. It doesn't even make evolutionary sense.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You want her to keep it?
Dr. Chris Taub: No.
Dr. Eric Foreman: 'Cause you'd make a crappy dad.
Dr. Chris Taub: I said, "no."
Dr. Eric Foreman: The only reason you're sitting in a strip club, ignoring the strip club, is because you actually are considering it.
Dr. Remy Hadley: All we'll do at the hospital is stick her in a patient bed and give her IV clotting factor. We can do that right here.
Dr. Robert Chase: We could also embalm her right here.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I'll call the drugs in. You go pick them up. If I'm right, she'll be fine. Look, I know you don't know her and you don't care about her, but I do. Please.
Stripper: Your lap is vibrating.
Dr. Chris Taub: Oh, sorry. Uh, it's my boss. (He puts the phone back in his pocket) Probably drunk. Wants a ride home. He can take a cab. Do you have any kids?
Stripper: Why? You like moms? I could be your mommy. Spank your little ass.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What are you watching?
Rachel Cuddy: TV, you bloody scallywag.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Someone better be dying.
Dr. Gregory House: I tried calling everyone else. You were the last one on the list.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Any reason why 911 wasn't on the list?
Dr. Gregory House: It's not an emergency.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Right. Are you suicidal?
Dr. Gregory House: Surgeons are idiots. They'd just hack away at the muscle until they get worn out.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Or you're just ashamed you've been injecting a drug that hasn't even gone through safety trials. It's never even been in the human body.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: This isn't about making your leg better. It's about making your life better.
Dr. Gregory House: Here we go. Wish I had called 911.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Don't blame our breakup for this. You're not unhappy because of me. You're just unhappy. Unhappy people do reckless things.
Dr. Gregory House: There are no cars coming. Just go.
Rachel Cuddy: The light is red, ye bloody scallywag.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Stop with the pirate talk.
Dr. Gregory House: If you don't want Brownbeard to end up with two wooden legs, better get yer ma to move this ship, you mangy bilge rat.
Dr. Gregory House: If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there would seem to be more relevant examples.
Dr. Eric Foreman: There you are. You were in the VIP room so long, I thought you were gonna pay off that girl's mortgage.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You think you're a screw-up because you got a girl pregnant and you deserve to suffer. You don't. You just need some sleep and you'll handle this mess. Let's get in the car.
Dr. Robert Chase: You were defending your friend beyond all rationality, granting her the right to die in your bedroom. Was it really all because of a promise?
Dr. Remy Hadley: That word means something to some people.
Dr. Robert Chase: Not that much.
Dr. Robert Chase: You promised your brother you'd euthanize him and you think you won't feel bad about it as long as you can blame it on the promise. That's why you have this twisted obligation to keep all promises... or your carefully constructed defense mechanism could crumble down.
Dr. Gregory House: Did you see the new Brownbeard episode?
Rachel Cuddy: It was so funny.
Dr. Gregory House: No, it was so lame. Got a boat full of guy pirates and they make the girl pirate walk the plank.
Rachel Cuddy: She floated.
Dr. Gregory House: That's 'cause she had big boobies. That's why he should have kept her.
Dr. Gregory House: You've completely run out of ideas and you're calling me to bail you out. I'm touched. Hit me.
Dr. Gregory House: She on any medication... besides crack?
Dr. Gregory House: Can I guess stuff too? 'Cause that's gonna make the diagnosis really easy.
Dr. Gregory House: It's more relevant than what you got now, which is squat.
Dr. Gregory House: Three chicks just came into my bedroom. I got to go.
Dina: You think you're the first guy who thought he was special? You think you can do whatever you want? I am not going through that again!
Dr. Robert Chase: Find anything?
Dr. Remy Hadley: Shockingly... a punk kid getting shot pulling a gun on a cop did not make national news.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm not a surgeon. There's nothing I can do.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, you can make sure that... idiot butcher doesn't cut more than he needs to.
Dr. Gregory House: ...if that involves chopping off my leg… I want to be sure that that's damn well necessary. (He sighs)
Dr. Gregory House: I don't trust him. I trust you.
Darrien: I told you I couldn't go back. I shouldn't have trusted you. I never liked you. I killed time with you 'cause I was locked in a cage. You were a distraction. Someone to talk to so I didn't have to think about... everything else.
Dr. Remy Hadley: You're lashing out… I get it. But in a month, you'll thank me... Or maybe you won't. I don't know. But… I know I saved your life.
Dr. Chris Taub: Back when I still had my practice, this patient came in, 50-year-old guy, wanted a tummy tuck. But when we do some prelim work, we discover that his stomach is filled with cancer. So instead of telling him that he's gonna look great at the beach, I got to tell him that he's dying.
Ruby: Were you at a strip club?
Dr. Chris Taub: Please. The weird part was I was more upset about the whole thing than he was. He actually had to calm me down. Said he had great kids, raised them right, knew that because of them, he was leaving the world a better place. I thought I might die last night.
Ruby: At a strip club?
Dr. Chris Taub: Yes, I was at a strip club. And while it was happening, I kept thinking about that patient and how I wish I was like him. I want to have this baby.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Darrien had to shoot that kid. It was the right thing. Completely justified. But it didn't matter. She destroyed her life trying to forget. I'm afraid that's what's gonna happen to me.
Dr. Robert Chase: You really should talk to someone.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I've talked to a therapist. It didn't help.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, maybe you should talk to someone who isn't a therapist.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Do you really think you have any idea what it's like to live with something like this?
Dr. Robert Chase: Let's grab a coffee.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Ooh! Amish kid collapsed while picking up a hooker. Top that.
Dr. Gregory House: What are you doing here?
Dr. James Wilson: You hoping for someone else?
Dr. Gregory House: Hot nurse, candy striper... Someone who doesn't speak English. Someone who doesn't speak judgmental.
Dr. James Wilson: You've got mail.
Dr. James Wilson: "I hope your leg feels better and I hope we can be friends again soon, you bloody scallywag."
Dr. James Wilson: You're an ass.
Dr. Gregory House: What, for trying to walk on a freshly mangled leg? Performing surgery on myself? For thinking I could solve my emotional problems with rat medicine? If you're gonna nag, at least have the decency to be specific.
Dr. James Wilson: Come on. Listen to me. You can't keep going like this. Something has to change.
Dr. Gregory House: Can I pee first? .... I know.
Emily: That's because he has two functioning legs, capable of supporting her body weight.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Define okay. And just because I don't see bleeding doesn't mean it's not there.
Darrien: There was a raid. Andre needed to do something to slow the cops down.
Dr. Remy Hadley: He stabbed you as a distraction?
Darrien: Didn't work. Cops called an ambulance, left me lying there.
Dr. Remy Hadley: According to this, you're dead. You have no blood pressure. Barely have a pulse.
Darrien: Am I dying?
Dr. Remy Hadley: You're talking and alert, so your brain is getting blood.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Great. Uh, can you do me a huge favor? I need you to go to the hospital and check out a portable ultrasound machine for me.
Dr. Robert Chase: Who's the father?
Dr. Remy Hadley: I have a leak in my bathroom, and my guy won't come take a look at it till tomorrow morning, and an emergency plumber's 200 bucks an hour.
Dr. Gregory House: Figures you'd be wrapping up the trial by now. I just wanted to give you a hearty mazel tov.
Dr. Riggin: And don't forget the Nobel Prize for developing an incredibly expensive rat poison.
Dr. Riggin: Just some cramping. Their legs would stiffen up. They were having trouble moving around. We just thought their bodies were adjusting to the increase in muscle mass, but within a day or so they just started dying. Oh, well, get a new compound to play with next week.
Dr. Robert Chase: One portable ultrasound, extra pepperoni.
Dr. Robert Chase: Your socks are dry. And, unfortunately, so is your shirt, which means you either just changed to greet me, or you need this for something medical.
Dr. Robert Chase: Have you talked to anybody about it? I mean, are you okay?
Dr. Remy Hadley: No, I may have an aortic arch aneurysm. Oh, wait, that's her. Either help me or leave.
Dr. Remy Hadley: She saved me. There's a culture in prison. If you don't have someone to show you how to get the stuff you need and stay away from the stuff you don't, you're screwed.
Dr. Chris Taub: I don't know why she's even considering having my kid. She barely knows me. All she knows is I'm a short, balding guy. It doesn't even make evolutionary sense.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You want her to keep it?
Dr. Chris Taub: No.
Dr. Eric Foreman: 'Cause you'd make a crappy dad.
Dr. Chris Taub: I said, "no."
Dr. Eric Foreman: The only reason you're sitting in a strip club, ignoring the strip club, is because you actually are considering it.
Dr. Remy Hadley: All we'll do at the hospital is stick her in a patient bed and give her IV clotting factor. We can do that right here.
Dr. Robert Chase: We could also embalm her right here.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I'll call the drugs in. You go pick them up. If I'm right, she'll be fine. Look, I know you don't know her and you don't care about her, but I do. Please.
Stripper: Your lap is vibrating.
Dr. Chris Taub: Oh, sorry. Uh, it's my boss. (He puts the phone back in his pocket) Probably drunk. Wants a ride home. He can take a cab. Do you have any kids?
Stripper: Why? You like moms? I could be your mommy. Spank your little ass.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What are you watching?
Rachel Cuddy: TV, you bloody scallywag.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Someone better be dying.
Dr. Gregory House: I tried calling everyone else. You were the last one on the list.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Any reason why 911 wasn't on the list?
Dr. Gregory House: It's not an emergency.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Right. Are you suicidal?
Dr. Gregory House: Surgeons are idiots. They'd just hack away at the muscle until they get worn out.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Or you're just ashamed you've been injecting a drug that hasn't even gone through safety trials. It's never even been in the human body.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: This isn't about making your leg better. It's about making your life better.
Dr. Gregory House: Here we go. Wish I had called 911.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Don't blame our breakup for this. You're not unhappy because of me. You're just unhappy. Unhappy people do reckless things.
Dr. Gregory House: There are no cars coming. Just go.
Rachel Cuddy: The light is red, ye bloody scallywag.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Stop with the pirate talk.
Dr. Gregory House: If you don't want Brownbeard to end up with two wooden legs, better get yer ma to move this ship, you mangy bilge rat.
Dr. Gregory House: If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there would seem to be more relevant examples.
Dr. Eric Foreman: There you are. You were in the VIP room so long, I thought you were gonna pay off that girl's mortgage.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You think you're a screw-up because you got a girl pregnant and you deserve to suffer. You don't. You just need some sleep and you'll handle this mess. Let's get in the car.
Dr. Robert Chase: You were defending your friend beyond all rationality, granting her the right to die in your bedroom. Was it really all because of a promise?
Dr. Remy Hadley: That word means something to some people.
Dr. Robert Chase: Not that much.
Dr. Robert Chase: You promised your brother you'd euthanize him and you think you won't feel bad about it as long as you can blame it on the promise. That's why you have this twisted obligation to keep all promises... or your carefully constructed defense mechanism could crumble down.
Dr. Gregory House: Did you see the new Brownbeard episode?
Rachel Cuddy: It was so funny.
Dr. Gregory House: No, it was so lame. Got a boat full of guy pirates and they make the girl pirate walk the plank.
Rachel Cuddy: She floated.
Dr. Gregory House: That's 'cause she had big boobies. That's why he should have kept her.
Dr. Gregory House: You've completely run out of ideas and you're calling me to bail you out. I'm touched. Hit me.
Dr. Gregory House: She on any medication... besides crack?
Dr. Gregory House: Can I guess stuff too? 'Cause that's gonna make the diagnosis really easy.
Dr. Gregory House: It's more relevant than what you got now, which is squat.
Dr. Gregory House: Three chicks just came into my bedroom. I got to go.
Dina: You think you're the first guy who thought he was special? You think you can do whatever you want? I am not going through that again!
Dr. Robert Chase: Find anything?
Dr. Remy Hadley: Shockingly... a punk kid getting shot pulling a gun on a cop did not make national news.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm not a surgeon. There's nothing I can do.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, you can make sure that... idiot butcher doesn't cut more than he needs to.
Dr. Gregory House: ...if that involves chopping off my leg… I want to be sure that that's damn well necessary. (He sighs)
Dr. Gregory House: I don't trust him. I trust you.
Darrien: I told you I couldn't go back. I shouldn't have trusted you. I never liked you. I killed time with you 'cause I was locked in a cage. You were a distraction. Someone to talk to so I didn't have to think about... everything else.
Dr. Remy Hadley: You're lashing out… I get it. But in a month, you'll thank me... Or maybe you won't. I don't know. But… I know I saved your life.
Dr. Chris Taub: Back when I still had my practice, this patient came in, 50-year-old guy, wanted a tummy tuck. But when we do some prelim work, we discover that his stomach is filled with cancer. So instead of telling him that he's gonna look great at the beach, I got to tell him that he's dying.
Ruby: Were you at a strip club?
Dr. Chris Taub: Please. The weird part was I was more upset about the whole thing than he was. He actually had to calm me down. Said he had great kids, raised them right, knew that because of them, he was leaving the world a better place. I thought I might die last night.
Ruby: At a strip club?
Dr. Chris Taub: Yes, I was at a strip club. And while it was happening, I kept thinking about that patient and how I wish I was like him. I want to have this baby.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Darrien had to shoot that kid. It was the right thing. Completely justified. But it didn't matter. She destroyed her life trying to forget. I'm afraid that's what's gonna happen to me.
Dr. Robert Chase: You really should talk to someone.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I've talked to a therapist. It didn't help.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, maybe you should talk to someone who isn't a therapist.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Do you really think you have any idea what it's like to live with something like this?
Dr. Robert Chase: Let's grab a coffee.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Ooh! Amish kid collapsed while picking up a hooker. Top that.
Dr. Gregory House: What are you doing here?
Dr. James Wilson: You hoping for someone else?
Dr. Gregory House: Hot nurse, candy striper... Someone who doesn't speak English. Someone who doesn't speak judgmental.
Dr. James Wilson: You've got mail.
Dr. James Wilson: "I hope your leg feels better and I hope we can be friends again soon, you bloody scallywag."
Dr. James Wilson: You're an ass.
Dr. Gregory House: What, for trying to walk on a freshly mangled leg? Performing surgery on myself? For thinking I could solve my emotional problems with rat medicine? If you're gonna nag, at least have the decency to be specific.
Dr. James Wilson: Come on. Listen to me. You can't keep going like this. Something has to change.
Dr. Gregory House: Can I pee first? .... I know.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 21 - The Fix
Dr. Remy Hadley: Karma's a bitch.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You think her seizures are the result of bad karma?
Dr. Remy Hadley: I think if you spend your days designing ever more effective ways to blow people up, stuff's bound to come back to you.
Wendy Lee: Bombs are tools, just like anything else. You can use it to make things better or you can use it to make things worse. I also like romantic poetry and picnics. Is there anything else you want to know before we do this MRI?
Terry Foley: You ever been barely touched by a guy who weighs 230 pounds? Look at me. Look where I am, what I'm wearing. Now, do I look like a guy who just got a payday? I didn't throw the fight. I just suck.
Dr. James Wilson: You know that just because I was right about this one fighter doesn't make you any less of a man?
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, it would, if you were right.
Dr. James Wilson: ... And one possibly Photoshopped cell phone pic does not a diagnosis make.
Dr. Gregory House: See, this is what I don't care about. I don't care who cares about her. Used to care about her. Either one you falls down dead, you can drop me a note.
Dr. Gregory House: Apparently our mad scientist is also a slutty scientist whose milkshakes got all the nerds in the yard fighting over her.
Dr. Remy Hadley: She's a slut because she's dated two different guys at work?
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were still judging her.
Dr. Gregory House: You know what else wouldn't hurt? This case is getting interesting. Let's add a little danger.
Dr. Robert Chase: Just because he has guns doesn't make him a murderer.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Tell that to the bear.
Dr. Robert Chase: Look in the desk. See if he's got a diary or a journal.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Something tells me he's not exactly a diary kind of guy. Maybe a manifesto.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Looks like she actually was being poisoned, but she's been doing it to herself.
Wendy Lee: I'm not an alcoholic.
Dr. Chris Taub: I know. I know the whole label thing is so limiting. You're a person who happens to suffer from alcoholism.
Dr. Gregory House: One normal EKG does not a healthy person make.
Terry Foley: Look, I told you I just suck.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, you make me so sad. Don't talk like that.
Terry Foley: Why do you care so much?
Dr. Gregory House: Kill me for loving my patients. It's just what I do.
Dr. Remy Hadley: She's under a lot of stress. She's got two guys fighting over her and she got done with the final test of a new bomb. Her guilt is killing her.
Dr. Eric Foreman: As far as you know, she likes being the center of attention and loves her job.
Dr. Remy Hadley: As far as you know, she doesn't drink.
Dr. James Wilson: If he's ignoring you, it's because he trusts you.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No, it's not.
Dr. James Wilson: No, it's not, but he does.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Thanks. I feel warm inside. Right now I'm debating which bad idea I should pretend is a good idea and force everybody to implement.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Obsessing over a bet is good? And doing his actual job, treating actual patients, that's bad?
Dr. James Wilson: House only doing what House wants is the only way he can function. Since the breakup, he's been seeking out crazier and crazier things to do because they're crazy. This is — well, it's not crazy.
Dr. James Wilson: By House standards, it's dull. This he's doing just because he's interested. I think House getting back to doing... stupid House stuff for stupid House reasons is the best thing that could happen to him.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'll go explain that to the patient.
Dr. Gregory House: Who's the real bad guy here? The guy who doesn't care enough to help or the four guys who are not competent enough to help? He works out too much, gets pounded too much, and not in the romantic way. His pupils—
Dr. Gregory House: Your patient? No. Plenty of time to save her life after we save my money.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You ignore us all the time. You go on crazy joyrides all the time. But you answer pages, you sleep. I know I'm gonna regret doing this, but I'll ask anyway. Is there anything I can do to help?
Dr. Gregory House: All you need is a chin. And a heart, apparently. Then you can go back to being the guy who won 20 of his first 20 instead of the guy who lost 5 of his last 5. Although, technically, I count the last one as a "no contest."
Terry Foley: And you save 50 bucks.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm a doctor. I don't tell a fat guy to lay off bacon for less than 300.
Dr. Eric Foreman: My theory is that he's only avoiding us because he really wants to avoid you.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Ma nishtana?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm not sure it is. But usually when push comes to shove, he shows up.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: If the patient's still alive, then push hasn't met shove yet.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm expanding my theory. He's avoiding you and you're avoiding him and this patient is gonna die.
Dr. Remy Hadley: This experiment was done on rats.
Dr. Gregory House: It's groundbreaking. Huge success.
Dr. Remy Hadley: In rats.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, they got four legs. Think how fast it should work on one.
Dr. Remy Hadley: You're an idiot.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Is it possible something got perforated during surgery?
Dr. Chris Taub: Is that an accusation?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Sounded like a question. Just a straightforward inquiry that only someone with serious insecurities would take issue with.
Dr. Chris Taub: Okay, so in answering, I have to decide between the only two possibilities. "No" and "yes, we might have screwed something up, but are intentionally hiding it because we're incompetent and we're asses."
Dr. Chris Taub: No one is rational about emotion. That's why they're emotions.
Dr. Gregory House: But if it's worthy of the preface "obviously," then obviously it only needs to be explained to idiots. Do I look like an idiot? Sorry. Cranky. What I meant to say was: Why don't scientists have groupies? 'Cause I'd do you right now if society wasn't telling me that you're just an underpaid dork.
Dr. Gregory House: I'll give you two minutes. But first, I'm gonna tell you that I'm off the drugs and you'll feel silly 'cause you've got nothing to say for two minutes.
Dr. James Wilson: Hmm. Why are you off them?
Dr. Gregory House: Because they don't work.
Dr. James Wilson: Why were you on them?
Dr. Gregory House: Because they come in banana flavor. You know the answer.
Dr. James Wilson: You think fixing your leg will fix your life.
Dr. Gregory House: I think that my life will be somewhat better if part of my life, specifically my leg, is somewhat better.
Dr. James Wilson: I think you want everything to be physical, tangible, simple. You want unhappiness to have a cure.
Dr. Gregory House: I hate that word. I have to go now. Actually, I don't, but it would be rude to walk out without saying anything.
Dr. Remy Hadley: We found reports that your company was developing tactical nuclear warheads for bunker-busting bombs.
Cesar: Where? On Wikipedia? Some paranoid idiot's blog? I don't care where you read it. It's not true.
Terry Foley: So in other words, nothing's gonna prove you wrong. You're just gonna keep making me miserable because you're too miserable—
Dr. Gregory House: You're an idiot...
Dr. Gregory House: No, you're not gonna hit me… 'Cause somewhere deep in that way-too-thin skull of yours you know that you're full of crap. That's why you stopped jogging for me. That's why you drank eight bottles. Because even though you want to think that I'm wrong 'cause it's simpler, you also desperately want me to be right. I'm only an ass for building your hopes up if I'm wrong.
Terry Foley: You're an ass.
Dr. Gregory House: Nothing to talk about. That was my point.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yes, she's gonna die in considerably less discomfort thanks to you treating a few of the symptoms instead of the disease.
Bartender: You're drunk.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, whose fault is that? Give me another scotch.
Bartender: I can't serve you.
Dr. Gregory House: This 'cause I'm black? 'Cause I'm not, so...
Dr. Gregory House: Look, you can't get me drunk and then give me crap for being drunk. That's like dumping someone and then giving them crap for being upset. That's just not decent. Let me explain why people come here. They come here to drink. Which causes us to ask, why do people drink? Hmm? Is it sustenance? No. Is it taste? No. Is it the company of stout-hearted men? I don't think so. Is it killing pain? Yes... Seven and a half percent life duller. That's the business you're in. You're in the "screw the world" business. You're in the "reality sucks and fantasy temporarily appears to not suck" business.
Dr. Gregory House: Have you no pride? Either serving me is a good idea or it's a bad idea. Shutting me up is a crappy reason for compromising what you believe.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're either suicidal or you know we're wrong. And the only way you could know for sure what wasn't killing her is if you knew what was. And you do, don't you?
Dr. Remy Hadley: Because you've been poisoning her and the reason she's getting better is because you haven't been near her.
Dr. Gregory House: Ahem! What's this? A palm. Hmm, useful for many things. Slapping, greasing, probably some other applications too. Right now it's ready for $50 and humiliation.
Dr. James Wilson: What happened to your eye? You okay?
Dr. Gregory House: Better than okay.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You think her seizures are the result of bad karma?
Dr. Remy Hadley: I think if you spend your days designing ever more effective ways to blow people up, stuff's bound to come back to you.
Wendy Lee: Bombs are tools, just like anything else. You can use it to make things better or you can use it to make things worse. I also like romantic poetry and picnics. Is there anything else you want to know before we do this MRI?
Terry Foley: You ever been barely touched by a guy who weighs 230 pounds? Look at me. Look where I am, what I'm wearing. Now, do I look like a guy who just got a payday? I didn't throw the fight. I just suck.
Dr. James Wilson: You know that just because I was right about this one fighter doesn't make you any less of a man?
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, it would, if you were right.
Dr. James Wilson: ... And one possibly Photoshopped cell phone pic does not a diagnosis make.
Dr. Gregory House: See, this is what I don't care about. I don't care who cares about her. Used to care about her. Either one you falls down dead, you can drop me a note.
Dr. Gregory House: Apparently our mad scientist is also a slutty scientist whose milkshakes got all the nerds in the yard fighting over her.
Dr. Remy Hadley: She's a slut because she's dated two different guys at work?
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were still judging her.
Dr. Gregory House: You know what else wouldn't hurt? This case is getting interesting. Let's add a little danger.
Dr. Robert Chase: Just because he has guns doesn't make him a murderer.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Tell that to the bear.
Dr. Robert Chase: Look in the desk. See if he's got a diary or a journal.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Something tells me he's not exactly a diary kind of guy. Maybe a manifesto.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Looks like she actually was being poisoned, but she's been doing it to herself.
Wendy Lee: I'm not an alcoholic.
Dr. Chris Taub: I know. I know the whole label thing is so limiting. You're a person who happens to suffer from alcoholism.
Dr. Gregory House: One normal EKG does not a healthy person make.
Terry Foley: Look, I told you I just suck.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, you make me so sad. Don't talk like that.
Terry Foley: Why do you care so much?
Dr. Gregory House: Kill me for loving my patients. It's just what I do.
Dr. Remy Hadley: She's under a lot of stress. She's got two guys fighting over her and she got done with the final test of a new bomb. Her guilt is killing her.
Dr. Eric Foreman: As far as you know, she likes being the center of attention and loves her job.
Dr. Remy Hadley: As far as you know, she doesn't drink.
Dr. James Wilson: If he's ignoring you, it's because he trusts you.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No, it's not.
Dr. James Wilson: No, it's not, but he does.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Thanks. I feel warm inside. Right now I'm debating which bad idea I should pretend is a good idea and force everybody to implement.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Obsessing over a bet is good? And doing his actual job, treating actual patients, that's bad?
Dr. James Wilson: House only doing what House wants is the only way he can function. Since the breakup, he's been seeking out crazier and crazier things to do because they're crazy. This is — well, it's not crazy.
Dr. James Wilson: By House standards, it's dull. This he's doing just because he's interested. I think House getting back to doing... stupid House stuff for stupid House reasons is the best thing that could happen to him.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'll go explain that to the patient.
Dr. Gregory House: Who's the real bad guy here? The guy who doesn't care enough to help or the four guys who are not competent enough to help? He works out too much, gets pounded too much, and not in the romantic way. His pupils—
Dr. Gregory House: Your patient? No. Plenty of time to save her life after we save my money.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You ignore us all the time. You go on crazy joyrides all the time. But you answer pages, you sleep. I know I'm gonna regret doing this, but I'll ask anyway. Is there anything I can do to help?
Dr. Gregory House: All you need is a chin. And a heart, apparently. Then you can go back to being the guy who won 20 of his first 20 instead of the guy who lost 5 of his last 5. Although, technically, I count the last one as a "no contest."
Terry Foley: And you save 50 bucks.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm a doctor. I don't tell a fat guy to lay off bacon for less than 300.
Dr. Eric Foreman: My theory is that he's only avoiding us because he really wants to avoid you.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Ma nishtana?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm not sure it is. But usually when push comes to shove, he shows up.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: If the patient's still alive, then push hasn't met shove yet.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm expanding my theory. He's avoiding you and you're avoiding him and this patient is gonna die.
Dr. Remy Hadley: This experiment was done on rats.
Dr. Gregory House: It's groundbreaking. Huge success.
Dr. Remy Hadley: In rats.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, they got four legs. Think how fast it should work on one.
Dr. Remy Hadley: You're an idiot.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Is it possible something got perforated during surgery?
Dr. Chris Taub: Is that an accusation?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Sounded like a question. Just a straightforward inquiry that only someone with serious insecurities would take issue with.
Dr. Chris Taub: Okay, so in answering, I have to decide between the only two possibilities. "No" and "yes, we might have screwed something up, but are intentionally hiding it because we're incompetent and we're asses."
Dr. Chris Taub: No one is rational about emotion. That's why they're emotions.
Dr. Gregory House: But if it's worthy of the preface "obviously," then obviously it only needs to be explained to idiots. Do I look like an idiot? Sorry. Cranky. What I meant to say was: Why don't scientists have groupies? 'Cause I'd do you right now if society wasn't telling me that you're just an underpaid dork.
Dr. Gregory House: I'll give you two minutes. But first, I'm gonna tell you that I'm off the drugs and you'll feel silly 'cause you've got nothing to say for two minutes.
Dr. James Wilson: Hmm. Why are you off them?
Dr. Gregory House: Because they don't work.
Dr. James Wilson: Why were you on them?
Dr. Gregory House: Because they come in banana flavor. You know the answer.
Dr. James Wilson: You think fixing your leg will fix your life.
Dr. Gregory House: I think that my life will be somewhat better if part of my life, specifically my leg, is somewhat better.
Dr. James Wilson: I think you want everything to be physical, tangible, simple. You want unhappiness to have a cure.
Dr. Gregory House: I hate that word. I have to go now. Actually, I don't, but it would be rude to walk out without saying anything.
Dr. Remy Hadley: We found reports that your company was developing tactical nuclear warheads for bunker-busting bombs.
Cesar: Where? On Wikipedia? Some paranoid idiot's blog? I don't care where you read it. It's not true.
Terry Foley: So in other words, nothing's gonna prove you wrong. You're just gonna keep making me miserable because you're too miserable—
Dr. Gregory House: You're an idiot...
Dr. Gregory House: No, you're not gonna hit me… 'Cause somewhere deep in that way-too-thin skull of yours you know that you're full of crap. That's why you stopped jogging for me. That's why you drank eight bottles. Because even though you want to think that I'm wrong 'cause it's simpler, you also desperately want me to be right. I'm only an ass for building your hopes up if I'm wrong.
Terry Foley: You're an ass.
Dr. Gregory House: Nothing to talk about. That was my point.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yes, she's gonna die in considerably less discomfort thanks to you treating a few of the symptoms instead of the disease.
Bartender: You're drunk.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, whose fault is that? Give me another scotch.
Bartender: I can't serve you.
Dr. Gregory House: This 'cause I'm black? 'Cause I'm not, so...
Dr. Gregory House: Look, you can't get me drunk and then give me crap for being drunk. That's like dumping someone and then giving them crap for being upset. That's just not decent. Let me explain why people come here. They come here to drink. Which causes us to ask, why do people drink? Hmm? Is it sustenance? No. Is it taste? No. Is it the company of stout-hearted men? I don't think so. Is it killing pain? Yes... Seven and a half percent life duller. That's the business you're in. You're in the "screw the world" business. You're in the "reality sucks and fantasy temporarily appears to not suck" business.
Dr. Gregory House: Have you no pride? Either serving me is a good idea or it's a bad idea. Shutting me up is a crappy reason for compromising what you believe.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're either suicidal or you know we're wrong. And the only way you could know for sure what wasn't killing her is if you knew what was. And you do, don't you?
Dr. Remy Hadley: Because you've been poisoning her and the reason she's getting better is because you haven't been near her.
Dr. Gregory House: Ahem! What's this? A palm. Hmm, useful for many things. Slapping, greasing, probably some other applications too. Right now it's ready for $50 and humiliation.
Dr. James Wilson: What happened to your eye? You okay?
Dr. Gregory House: Better than okay.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 20 - Changes
Cyrus Harry: Seriously, you gonna complain? How many limo drivers are making six figures?
Dr. Chris Taub: He just won $42 million in the state lottery. I think I read about this lucky bastard in the paper.
Dr. Gregory House: You sure you don't mean the lucky bastard whose grandkids snorted his winnings till he drank himself to death with drain cleaner? Or the lucky bastard who was found naked and penniless in a strip club parking lot with his winning number tattooed on both testicles?
Dr. Chris Taub: Sure, some people will screw up anything, but some won't. That kind of cash, he has a chance to turn a miserable life around.
Dr. Gregory House: Miserable stays miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets in the first place.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout's gonna change that.
Dr. Gregory House: It's like there's two of me.
Dr. Gregory House: You know,I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Fine. We're both on the line, but she won't discuss this with me alone. She and her lawyer want to meet with both of us for settlement talks. I need you in that meeting acting nice and respectful while I defuse this stunt.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah well, I'm not going to that meeting, so I'm guessing you're cool if I'm not nice and respectful either.
Dr. Eric Foreman: House thinks I'm a robot. You think I'm a wuss?
Dr. Robert Chase: No, no, no, no. I think you're repressed. Well, it's out of your control. Tough childhood, strained relations with your family. Can't be easy trying to succeed in a white man's world.
Dr. Eric Foreman: First of all, white man, I've done at least as well as you have. Second, I didn't think you take House's view that life sucks and we're stuck.
Dr. Robert Chase: I think you're stuck. Last month or so I've turned my life around. I'm happier than ever.
Dr. Robert Chase: I challenge you to go one differential without House or anyone else getting under your skin.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Since I say nothing gets to me and you won't take me at my word, how am I supposed to prove you wrong?
Dr. Robert Chase: I guess you can't. I hope that doesn't eat at you.
Dr. Robert Chase: Off-brand solvent. From China. (Throws it to Foreman.) Made of God knows what.
Dr. Gregory House: If we chelate, we're not gonna know what disease he had, which means we're not gonna know if the problem was in his lousy old job or his still-lousy new life. Which for the purposes of a metaphorical argument is very important.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Pointless to argue. He's the boss. He needs his puzzle solved. Why bang our heads against the wall?
Dr. Remy Hadley: She won't let us make a move until you agree to a sit-down with the godmother and her consigliere.
Dr. Gregory House: Bitch to king four.
Dr. Chris Taub: Checkmate. Patient can't use his leg. You have to concede.
Dr. Gregory House: Or I could just knock all the pieces onto the floor.
Cyrus Harry: I'm not better, but you're kicking me out?
Dr. Remy Hadley: Which is why it'll only be 20 minutes. See, the Dean of Medicine acts tough, but she's not really. She'll step in, readmit you.
Dr. Gregory House: That was totally courageous of Khloe to Tweet about her weight gain.
Dr. Chris Taub: House, I've got a patient with a seizure disorder who can't walk.
...
Dr. Gregory House: What are you doing? We got a patient with a walking disorder who can't seize. No, wait. I'm close, though, right?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He claims he can swear off sex indefinitely. Also claims that I am a boiling cauldron of repressed rage. (Taub smiles slightly.)
Dr. Gregory House: Your theory is idiotic. The patient's antibody titers were negative for Lyme disease. And I shared a motel room with your ex-girlfriend.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You make a good point about the antibody titers.
Dr. Gregory House: He's a rock.
Dr. Gregory House: That's strange, since I unplugged the lead 30 seconds ago. Admirable effort... And I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm scared you might turn green and rip through your own clothes.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I love being back, having every theory you and I share used as proof of my own personal damage.
Dr. Gregory House: Why haven't you been yelling at me about the Cuddy twins?
Dr. James Wilson: Because you're doing the right thing.
Dr. Gregory House: Are we talking about the same issue? Is there something I don't know about that I'm responding to appropriately?
Dr. James Wilson: Cuddy wants you in the middle of this. So does Arlene. Because they don't want to face their own problem. Somehow, in your knee-jerk, juvenile way, you tripped and fell into an actual adult response to this.
Arlene Cuddy: Maybe I've got a medical thing. Maybe I just think I'm talking, but no one can hear me, not just my uncaring daughter.
Arlene Cuddy: House.
Dr. Gregory House: Ex-not-mom-in-law.
Dr. Gregory House: After you said pretty please with sugar on top? Problem is we only give store credit, so I say we put your old, cracked poisonous hip back in. Here and now. I saved your life. Happy to un-save it.
Dr. Chris Taub: Read the studies. The fewer partners you have, the happier you are with your ultimate partner.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Hmm. Then you're gonna be miserable.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm happier without her. I'm not stupidly expecting her to make me happy. I'm happier with my unhappiness. (Pops Vicodin.)
Dr. Eric Foreman: You want to grow more and bigger cancers?
Dr. Gregory House: We can't figure out what three small ones have in common, maybe can figure out what eight big ones have in common?
Dr. Remy Hadley: He dumped me after I hooked up with his sister.
Dr. Gregory House: Would you mind letting him down gently? I might have made promises you can't keep.
Dr. Chris Taub: She turned down a proposal. How long a game you think she's playing?
Dr. Remy Hadley: I think if she said yes after 14 hours, even he'd be suspicious.
Dr. Chris Taub: You're lucky you're hot and smart, because — well, you're just lucky you're hot and smart.
Dr. Gregory House: Forget yoga. Embrace Zen. You're a repressed idiot. He's a horny idiot. Neither one of you can do anything about it. Pretty sure that's Zen.
Dr. Gregory House: I had good reasons.
Dr. James Wilson: You had lame rationalizations.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. That we saved your life. (A beat.) In the way that we did.
Dr. James Wilson: B-plus.
Dr. Gregory House: I know. Told my seconds to tell her seconds that she gets no second chance. Well, technically, it's a third chance, but I don't have thirds.
Dr. James Wilson: You didn't start it, but you had the chance to end it, and you didn't. You love her, House, and it's human to hang on, but you're blowing up not just your job but any chance of any kind of relationship with her again.
Dr. Chris Taub: His long lost love is a fraud. Thirteen figured that out.
Dr. Gregory House: Good for her.
Dr. Chris Taub: Decades of menial work, three cancers couldn't make him die miserable. She just did.
Dr. Remy Hadley: The truth made him miserable.
Dr. Gregory House: It's like there's two of me.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You have to be destructive. You have to tear things apart. God forbid you should say what's really on that twisted mind of yours?
Arlene Cuddy: And you're the great peacemaker? Single mom, can't keep a man long enough to cook a meal.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You'd be dead if it weren't for our mistreatment. And somehow you'd still find something to whine about.
Arlene Cuddy: Look at you idiots. Who else is gonna put up with either of you?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I asked you to move in. That meant we weren't gonna reconcile. I'm sorry, mom. Some things take more than a common enemy.
Arlene Cuddy: Then you're an idiot with impossible standards.
Dr. Gregory House: Common enemy. One way to trigger brain symptoms when there's nothing wrong with your brain have something else turn your brain into a common enemy. You have a teratoma, a usually harmless congenital growth which can be filled with almost any kind of tissue. And, unusually, not at all harmless. If I'm right, yours is filled with primitive cells, some of which developed into brain cells. These foreign cells leaked into your bloodstream. Now, the body is a little xenophobic. It creates antibodies. The problem is, there's not much difference between brain cells in your abdomen and brain cells in your brain. To make matters worse, primitive cells can become almost anything. Grow like weeds. Which means they can turn into tumors, destroy whole organ systems.
Dr. Gregory House: Cut out the teratoma, what's left of your cancer, you should be fine. Think of it as your second luckiest day.
Dr. Gregory House: No, actually a fraud was a fraud. You fell for her just the same. You may stay miserable, but your long lost love is not gonna be the reason why.
Dr. Remy Hadley: It's the real Jennifer. Or at least the only one to show up who actually has the birthmark. He's renting her an apartment.
Dr. Gregory House: It'll end horribly.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Not for him. She may take all his money, and he may be a naive idiot, but… he'll always be hopeful, so he'll always be happy.
Dr. Gregory House: You lost your mother. You euthanized your brother. You got the life expectancy of a pretty good sitcom. If you can convince yourself that you'd be miserable no matter what even without all that stuff, then maybe you don't have to hate the universe for dumping a giant turd on you. Fatalism is your survival mechanism.
Dr. Remy Hadley: And you? Dumped by everyone you've ever loved. Rehab was a bust. Your leg feels like somebody took a giant bite out of it. We are who we are. Lotteries are stupid.
Dr. Chris Taub: He just won $42 million in the state lottery. I think I read about this lucky bastard in the paper.
Dr. Gregory House: You sure you don't mean the lucky bastard whose grandkids snorted his winnings till he drank himself to death with drain cleaner? Or the lucky bastard who was found naked and penniless in a strip club parking lot with his winning number tattooed on both testicles?
Dr. Chris Taub: Sure, some people will screw up anything, but some won't. That kind of cash, he has a chance to turn a miserable life around.
Dr. Gregory House: Miserable stays miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets in the first place.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout's gonna change that.
Dr. Gregory House: It's like there's two of me.
Dr. Gregory House: You know,I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Fine. We're both on the line, but she won't discuss this with me alone. She and her lawyer want to meet with both of us for settlement talks. I need you in that meeting acting nice and respectful while I defuse this stunt.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah well, I'm not going to that meeting, so I'm guessing you're cool if I'm not nice and respectful either.
Dr. Eric Foreman: House thinks I'm a robot. You think I'm a wuss?
Dr. Robert Chase: No, no, no, no. I think you're repressed. Well, it's out of your control. Tough childhood, strained relations with your family. Can't be easy trying to succeed in a white man's world.
Dr. Eric Foreman: First of all, white man, I've done at least as well as you have. Second, I didn't think you take House's view that life sucks and we're stuck.
Dr. Robert Chase: I think you're stuck. Last month or so I've turned my life around. I'm happier than ever.
Dr. Robert Chase: I challenge you to go one differential without House or anyone else getting under your skin.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Since I say nothing gets to me and you won't take me at my word, how am I supposed to prove you wrong?
Dr. Robert Chase: I guess you can't. I hope that doesn't eat at you.
Dr. Robert Chase: Off-brand solvent. From China. (Throws it to Foreman.) Made of God knows what.
Dr. Gregory House: If we chelate, we're not gonna know what disease he had, which means we're not gonna know if the problem was in his lousy old job or his still-lousy new life. Which for the purposes of a metaphorical argument is very important.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Pointless to argue. He's the boss. He needs his puzzle solved. Why bang our heads against the wall?
Dr. Remy Hadley: She won't let us make a move until you agree to a sit-down with the godmother and her consigliere.
Dr. Gregory House: Bitch to king four.
Dr. Chris Taub: Checkmate. Patient can't use his leg. You have to concede.
Dr. Gregory House: Or I could just knock all the pieces onto the floor.
Cyrus Harry: I'm not better, but you're kicking me out?
Dr. Remy Hadley: Which is why it'll only be 20 minutes. See, the Dean of Medicine acts tough, but she's not really. She'll step in, readmit you.
Dr. Gregory House: That was totally courageous of Khloe to Tweet about her weight gain.
Dr. Chris Taub: House, I've got a patient with a seizure disorder who can't walk.
...
Dr. Gregory House: What are you doing? We got a patient with a walking disorder who can't seize. No, wait. I'm close, though, right?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He claims he can swear off sex indefinitely. Also claims that I am a boiling cauldron of repressed rage. (Taub smiles slightly.)
Dr. Gregory House: Your theory is idiotic. The patient's antibody titers were negative for Lyme disease. And I shared a motel room with your ex-girlfriend.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You make a good point about the antibody titers.
Dr. Gregory House: He's a rock.
Dr. Gregory House: That's strange, since I unplugged the lead 30 seconds ago. Admirable effort... And I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm scared you might turn green and rip through your own clothes.
Dr. Remy Hadley: I love being back, having every theory you and I share used as proof of my own personal damage.
Dr. Gregory House: Why haven't you been yelling at me about the Cuddy twins?
Dr. James Wilson: Because you're doing the right thing.
Dr. Gregory House: Are we talking about the same issue? Is there something I don't know about that I'm responding to appropriately?
Dr. James Wilson: Cuddy wants you in the middle of this. So does Arlene. Because they don't want to face their own problem. Somehow, in your knee-jerk, juvenile way, you tripped and fell into an actual adult response to this.
Arlene Cuddy: Maybe I've got a medical thing. Maybe I just think I'm talking, but no one can hear me, not just my uncaring daughter.
Arlene Cuddy: House.
Dr. Gregory House: Ex-not-mom-in-law.
Dr. Gregory House: After you said pretty please with sugar on top? Problem is we only give store credit, so I say we put your old, cracked poisonous hip back in. Here and now. I saved your life. Happy to un-save it.
Dr. Chris Taub: Read the studies. The fewer partners you have, the happier you are with your ultimate partner.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Hmm. Then you're gonna be miserable.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm happier without her. I'm not stupidly expecting her to make me happy. I'm happier with my unhappiness. (Pops Vicodin.)
Dr. Eric Foreman: You want to grow more and bigger cancers?
Dr. Gregory House: We can't figure out what three small ones have in common, maybe can figure out what eight big ones have in common?
Dr. Remy Hadley: He dumped me after I hooked up with his sister.
Dr. Gregory House: Would you mind letting him down gently? I might have made promises you can't keep.
Dr. Chris Taub: She turned down a proposal. How long a game you think she's playing?
Dr. Remy Hadley: I think if she said yes after 14 hours, even he'd be suspicious.
Dr. Chris Taub: You're lucky you're hot and smart, because — well, you're just lucky you're hot and smart.
Dr. Gregory House: Forget yoga. Embrace Zen. You're a repressed idiot. He's a horny idiot. Neither one of you can do anything about it. Pretty sure that's Zen.
Dr. Gregory House: I had good reasons.
Dr. James Wilson: You had lame rationalizations.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. That we saved your life. (A beat.) In the way that we did.
Dr. James Wilson: B-plus.
Dr. Gregory House: I know. Told my seconds to tell her seconds that she gets no second chance. Well, technically, it's a third chance, but I don't have thirds.
Dr. James Wilson: You didn't start it, but you had the chance to end it, and you didn't. You love her, House, and it's human to hang on, but you're blowing up not just your job but any chance of any kind of relationship with her again.
Dr. Chris Taub: His long lost love is a fraud. Thirteen figured that out.
Dr. Gregory House: Good for her.
Dr. Chris Taub: Decades of menial work, three cancers couldn't make him die miserable. She just did.
Dr. Remy Hadley: The truth made him miserable.
Dr. Gregory House: It's like there's two of me.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You have to be destructive. You have to tear things apart. God forbid you should say what's really on that twisted mind of yours?
Arlene Cuddy: And you're the great peacemaker? Single mom, can't keep a man long enough to cook a meal.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You'd be dead if it weren't for our mistreatment. And somehow you'd still find something to whine about.
Arlene Cuddy: Look at you idiots. Who else is gonna put up with either of you?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I asked you to move in. That meant we weren't gonna reconcile. I'm sorry, mom. Some things take more than a common enemy.
Arlene Cuddy: Then you're an idiot with impossible standards.
Dr. Gregory House: Common enemy. One way to trigger brain symptoms when there's nothing wrong with your brain have something else turn your brain into a common enemy. You have a teratoma, a usually harmless congenital growth which can be filled with almost any kind of tissue. And, unusually, not at all harmless. If I'm right, yours is filled with primitive cells, some of which developed into brain cells. These foreign cells leaked into your bloodstream. Now, the body is a little xenophobic. It creates antibodies. The problem is, there's not much difference between brain cells in your abdomen and brain cells in your brain. To make matters worse, primitive cells can become almost anything. Grow like weeds. Which means they can turn into tumors, destroy whole organ systems.
Dr. Gregory House: Cut out the teratoma, what's left of your cancer, you should be fine. Think of it as your second luckiest day.
Dr. Gregory House: No, actually a fraud was a fraud. You fell for her just the same. You may stay miserable, but your long lost love is not gonna be the reason why.
Dr. Remy Hadley: It's the real Jennifer. Or at least the only one to show up who actually has the birthmark. He's renting her an apartment.
Dr. Gregory House: It'll end horribly.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Not for him. She may take all his money, and he may be a naive idiot, but… he'll always be hopeful, so he'll always be happy.
Dr. Gregory House: You lost your mother. You euthanized your brother. You got the life expectancy of a pretty good sitcom. If you can convince yourself that you'd be miserable no matter what even without all that stuff, then maybe you don't have to hate the universe for dumping a giant turd on you. Fatalism is your survival mechanism.
Dr. Remy Hadley: And you? Dumped by everyone you've ever loved. Rehab was a bust. Your leg feels like somebody took a giant bite out of it. We are who we are. Lotteries are stupid.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 19 - Last Temptation
Martha Masters: Cranial nerves. On old Olympus' towering tops a friendly Viking grew vines and hops. Olfactory. Optic. Oculomotor.
Martha Masters: It's kind of like coming to the end of an extreme roller-coaster. Even with the terror, nausea, and whiplash. I'm a little sad that it's over.
Donovan: You gotta figure he doesn't want an intern. He wants you.
Martha Masters: Uh, you must be Dr… Thirteen.
Dr. Eric Foreman: What the hell happened to you? Why'd you lie about going to Rome?
Dr. Gregory House: You'd lie too if you bottomed out, ended up in... drug rehab.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Thank you, House, for respecting my privacy. What a perfect reminder that I'm back.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I didn't even know you had a problem.
Dr. Gregory House: Loved ones are always the last to know. Loved ones and robotic, estranged ex-boyfriends.
Martha Masters: It's kind of like coming to the end of an extreme roller-coaster. Even with the terror, nausea, and whiplash. I'm a little sad that it's over.
Donovan: You gotta figure he doesn't want an intern. He wants you.
Martha Masters: Uh, you must be Dr… Thirteen.
Dr. Eric Foreman: What the hell happened to you? Why'd you lie about going to Rome?
Dr. Gregory House: You'd lie too if you bottomed out, ended up in... drug rehab.
Dr. Remy Hadley: Thank you, House, for respecting my privacy. What a perfect reminder that I'm back.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I didn't even know you had a problem.
Dr. Gregory House: Loved ones are always the last to know. Loved ones and robotic, estranged ex-boyfriends.
Friday, April 15, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 18 - The Dig
Dr. Robert Chase: It could be a case. It could be nothing. Sadly we'll just never know.
Dr. Gregory House: Make it fast. I'm driving. I don't want to end up in jail like... a person should who used their phone illegally while driving.
Dr. Remi Hadley: Thanks for not saying anything. I just need some time to...
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't do it for you. Some puzzles are just too good to share.
Dr. Remi Hadley: What's this really all about, House? As convincing as I find your deep devotion to vegetable trajectory.
Dr. Gregory House: First of all, it's a tuber. And you're just jealous because your potato-related plans are more of the serving up fries variety.
Dr. Gregory House: You did time. Means your license is suspended. Which means your leave of absence is definitely indefinite. What exactly are you going back to?
Dr. Gregory House: Make it fast. I'm driving. I don't want to end up in jail like... a person should who used their phone illegally while driving.
Dr. Remi Hadley: Thanks for not saying anything. I just need some time to...
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't do it for you. Some puzzles are just too good to share.
Dr. Remi Hadley: What's this really all about, House? As convincing as I find your deep devotion to vegetable trajectory.
Dr. Gregory House: First of all, it's a tuber. And you're just jealous because your potato-related plans are more of the serving up fries variety.
Dr. Gregory House: You did time. Means your license is suspended. Which means your leave of absence is definitely indefinite. What exactly are you going back to?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 17 - Fall from Grace
Martha Masters: He already jumped off of a hotel balcony. Who knows what he'll do next?
Dr. Robert Chase: Ride some kind of prostitute chariot to work?
Dr. Gregory House: First person to offer me an interesting case gets to ride her... single or double-team. My scooter, which, now said out loud, sounds even more inappropriate.
Dr. Gregory House: Before I forget, I want you to meet Dominika. She's about to become a
permanent member of Team House.
Dr. Robert Chase: Doing what exactly?
Dr. Gregory House: Me. We're getting married on Friday.
Dr. Gregory House: Living on the edge, baby doll!
Dr. Robert Chase: Ride some kind of prostitute chariot to work?
Dr. Gregory House: First person to offer me an interesting case gets to ride her... single or double-team. My scooter, which, now said out loud, sounds even more inappropriate.
Dr. Gregory House: Before I forget, I want you to meet Dominika. She's about to become a
permanent member of Team House.
Dr. Robert Chase: Doing what exactly?
Dr. Gregory House: Me. We're getting married on Friday.
Dr. Gregory House: Living on the edge, baby doll!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 16 - Out of the Chute
Dr. Gregory House: Well, I'm not fine as in "fine," but I'm fine as in "you don't have to worry about me."
Dr. James Wilson: Because you cleared out your bank account, checked into a hotel, and started back on Vicodin?
Dr. Gregory House: Because I'm going to be fine as in "fine" very soon.
Dr. Gregory House: Worse is worse. Pain doesn't discriminate. Neither do the pills. The Vicodin and the five-star pampering that I'm gonna get over the next few days should be enough to get me through it.
Dr. James Wilson: So you don't want to just avoid the issue. You want to avoid avoiding the issue. Sorry.
Dr. James Wilson: Because you cleared out your bank account, checked into a hotel, and started back on Vicodin?
Dr. Gregory House: Because I'm going to be fine as in "fine" very soon.
Dr. Gregory House: Worse is worse. Pain doesn't discriminate. Neither do the pills. The Vicodin and the five-star pampering that I'm gonna get over the next few days should be enough to get me through it.
Dr. James Wilson: So you don't want to just avoid the issue. You want to avoid avoiding the issue. Sorry.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 15 - Bombshells
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap outta me?
Dr. Gregory House: Set an alarm and everything.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You really don't have to be here.
Dr. Gregory House: You're my girlfriend. I'm being supportive.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Get them outta here. My urethra is not for public entertainment.
Dr. Gregory House: Meet me in the cafeteria in ten. There'll be a corn dog with your name on it. I mean an actual corn dog. They fixed the deep fryer.
Ryan: You also know what it's like to be depressed. You figured out my deal after only a few minutes, but I been fooling my friends and parents for months.
Ryan: They take it personally that I'm not happy, and then I end up having to make them feel better. They don't get me. No one does.
Dr. Gregory House: Set an alarm and everything.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You really don't have to be here.
Dr. Gregory House: You're my girlfriend. I'm being supportive.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Get them outta here. My urethra is not for public entertainment.
Dr. Gregory House: Meet me in the cafeteria in ten. There'll be a corn dog with your name on it. I mean an actual corn dog. They fixed the deep fryer.
Ryan: You also know what it's like to be depressed. You figured out my deal after only a few minutes, but I been fooling my friends and parents for months.
Ryan: They take it personally that I'm not happy, and then I end up having to make them feel better. They don't get me. No one does.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 14 - Recession Proof
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: If you were already going, why did you...
Dr. Gregory House: Foreplay.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Why were you in my closet?
Dr. Chris Taub: Looking for a tie. What's the big deal?
Dr. Gregory House: Obviously, he wants you out of the closet for some reason. I suspect marriage, but I'm liberal that way.
Martha Masters: He's lying. He's not an executive. I saw his hands. They're covered with calluses and little cuts. He works with them. A lot.
Dr. Gregory House: Stand up.... Our little girl… is finally growing up. I mean, you dream of this day, but when it finally happens... So what did Mr. Meathooks say when you called him a liar?
Martha Masters: I didn't.
Dr. Gregory House: Hmm. Baby steps. Go down there and do it.
Dr. Gregory House: Foreplay.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Why were you in my closet?
Dr. Chris Taub: Looking for a tie. What's the big deal?
Dr. Gregory House: Obviously, he wants you out of the closet for some reason. I suspect marriage, but I'm liberal that way.
Martha Masters: He's lying. He's not an executive. I saw his hands. They're covered with calluses and little cuts. He works with them. A lot.
Dr. Gregory House: Stand up.... Our little girl… is finally growing up. I mean, you dream of this day, but when it finally happens... So what did Mr. Meathooks say when you called him a liar?
Martha Masters: I didn't.
Dr. Gregory House: Hmm. Baby steps. Go down there and do it.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 13 - Two Stories
Zack: Yeah, I do. I'm just wondering what changed your mind.
Colleen: You did.
Dr. Gregory House: Who put sand in her vagina?
Timmy: Doctors don't carry guns. They don't shoot people, and they definitely don't search patients' homes. Plus, I've seen Pulp Fiction... the movie you're totally ripping off.
Dr. Gregory House: Interesting. You defensively insist that you're not ashamed, which, of course, means you are ashamed. And yet, you're the victim.
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't kill anybody. I have to be here, so I figured I'd punch up the stakes in the first act. But we did, and almost always do, search the patient's home. And if we tell them first, then they can hide something that we need to know in order to figure out what's wrong with them.
Colleen: You did.
Dr. Gregory House: Who put sand in her vagina?
Timmy: Doctors don't carry guns. They don't shoot people, and they definitely don't search patients' homes. Plus, I've seen Pulp Fiction... the movie you're totally ripping off.
Dr. Gregory House: Interesting. You defensively insist that you're not ashamed, which, of course, means you are ashamed. And yet, you're the victim.
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't kill anybody. I have to be here, so I figured I'd punch up the stakes in the first act. But we did, and almost always do, search the patient's home. And if we tell them first, then they can hide something that we need to know in order to figure out what's wrong with them.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 12 - You Must Remember This
Dr. Gregory House: Picture a door. Unlocked with the key of the mind. Two medical cases, both more fascinating than the last.
Martha Masters: That actually makes no logical sense.
Dr. Gregory House: This is not a door to logical sense. Also, shut up.
Dr. Gregory House: Or you could search her brain. You know, where her memory lives. Save the gas.
Dr. Gregory House: Normally, I'd let Darwinism run its course. But Cuddy's in a big tizzy about her poster boy getting canned. So, how are we gonna get the short guy off the short bus?
Dr. Gregory House: Tutor it is. Choose your poison. Chase, if you prefer pounding Aussie beers and commiserating over the suckiness of divorce. Masters, if you want nervous energy, flash cards, and obnoxious pieces of arcane trivia. Foreman, if you need to be berated by a humorless hard-ass.
Martha Masters: That actually makes no logical sense.
Dr. Gregory House: This is not a door to logical sense. Also, shut up.
Dr. Gregory House: Or you could search her brain. You know, where her memory lives. Save the gas.
Dr. Gregory House: Normally, I'd let Darwinism run its course. But Cuddy's in a big tizzy about her poster boy getting canned. So, how are we gonna get the short guy off the short bus?
Dr. Gregory House: Tutor it is. Choose your poison. Chase, if you prefer pounding Aussie beers and commiserating over the suckiness of divorce. Masters, if you want nervous energy, flash cards, and obnoxious pieces of arcane trivia. Foreman, if you need to be berated by a humorless hard-ass.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 11 - Family Practice
Arlene Cuddy: If you're going to dress like an Italian hooker, at least let it be this year's Italian hooker.
Julia Cuddy: She's not telling us we look fat. That's a major breakthrough.
Arlene Cuddy: If you didn't want to be insulted, you wouldn't have invited me.
Arlene Cuddy: My heart's doing that weird thing again.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Beating? That's normal for humans.
Martha Masters: [whispers] Why we're in the morgue?
Dr. Robert Chase: House is on the lam from someone. Taub's got his money on Wilson, but I'm pretty sure it's Cuddy.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Fool's bet. There's a whole world of angry patients, creditors...
Dr. Gregory House: You don't want me involved. You don't want you involved. All that ethics stuff that I don't give a crap about suddenly makes sense. If you're emotionally invested, you cannot make rational decisions. You know this would be a disaster.
Julia Cuddy: She's not telling us we look fat. That's a major breakthrough.
Arlene Cuddy: If you didn't want to be insulted, you wouldn't have invited me.
Arlene Cuddy: My heart's doing that weird thing again.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Beating? That's normal for humans.
Martha Masters: [whispers] Why we're in the morgue?
Dr. Robert Chase: House is on the lam from someone. Taub's got his money on Wilson, but I'm pretty sure it's Cuddy.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Fool's bet. There's a whole world of angry patients, creditors...
Dr. Gregory House: You don't want me involved. You don't want you involved. All that ethics stuff that I don't give a crap about suddenly makes sense. If you're emotionally invested, you cannot make rational decisions. You know this would be a disaster.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 10 - Carrot or Stick
Dr. Eric Foreman: Whoever did this has a bone to pick with you. Ironic, since your bone is...
Dr. Robert Chase: is not in that picture. My proof is right here. You really want to see it?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He slept with three women there.
Martha Masters: Oh, you're a whore!
Dr. Gregory House: Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic. There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance. What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying. Which means that your parents either disciplined you too much or too little ... I'm guessing too little.
Martha Masters: It's hardly surprising you agree with our patient's philosophy. You run your department like a boot camp. As if cruelty ensures performance.
Dr. Gregory House: ... Oh, is this where I'm supposed to disagree with you?
Dr. Robert Chase: is not in that picture. My proof is right here. You really want to see it?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He slept with three women there.
Martha Masters: Oh, you're a whore!
Dr. Gregory House: Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic. There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance. What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying. Which means that your parents either disciplined you too much or too little ... I'm guessing too little.
Martha Masters: It's hardly surprising you agree with our patient's philosophy. You run your department like a boot camp. As if cruelty ensures performance.
Dr. Gregory House: ... Oh, is this where I'm supposed to disagree with you?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 9 - Larger than Life
Dr. Gregory House: Your enthusiasm is impressive. Wish I could say the same about your presentation. Everybody knows you lead with your most interesting symptom.
Dr. Robert Chase: House's worldview doesn't include random acts of self-sacrifice. He's gonna count heroism as a symptom until proven otherwise.
Martha Masters: The guy did a wonderful thing. Can't we just take that at face value?
Dr. Gregory House: You are adorable. Heroism does exist.
Martha Masters: What about firefighters?
Dr. Gregory House: The guys who undergo months of training to deny their own instincts for self-preservation?
Martha Masters: So humanity is apathetic and self-serving?
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah.
Dr. Robert Chase: I always thought it was fight or flight. Didn't know it was fight or
flight or faint. (He laughs.)
Dr. Chris Taub: Laugh all you want. The other hundred people stayed on that platform. That's a normal response to danger.
Dr. Gregory House: The coward has spoken. Our patient's problem is neurological. Sympathetic stimulation ... stress to the brain triggers a response in the heart. Go forth and look for masses in Clark Kent's limbic system.
Dr. James Wilson: You have to go. Your girlfriend's birthday? It's not even a question.
Dr. Gregory House: She has one every year. How often do you break up with the love of your life? Okay, for you, it's more often than most, but still...
Rachel Taub: Hey. Am I imagining things, or did I see a billboard with your face on it on my way home tonight?
Dr. Chris Taub: Oh, was my whole face there? 'Cause I just saw the nose.
Rachel Taub: You're still my husband. I still love you. And I want things to be okay between us. Also, you're a famous model now. That's pretty cool... sexy, even.
Dr. Gregory House: So we finally know what Taub would look like if he were life-size.
Dr. Chris Taub: That poster got me laid when I got home last night, so do your worst.
Dr. Gregory House: So when you're not on a billboard, you sleep with nurses. But when you are, you sleep with your wife. I think you got that backwards.
Dr. Robert Chase: House's worldview doesn't include random acts of self-sacrifice. He's gonna count heroism as a symptom until proven otherwise.
Martha Masters: The guy did a wonderful thing. Can't we just take that at face value?
Dr. Gregory House: You are adorable. Heroism does exist.
Martha Masters: What about firefighters?
Dr. Gregory House: The guys who undergo months of training to deny their own instincts for self-preservation?
Martha Masters: So humanity is apathetic and self-serving?
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah.
Dr. Robert Chase: I always thought it was fight or flight. Didn't know it was fight or
flight or faint. (He laughs.)
Dr. Chris Taub: Laugh all you want. The other hundred people stayed on that platform. That's a normal response to danger.
Dr. Gregory House: The coward has spoken. Our patient's problem is neurological. Sympathetic stimulation ... stress to the brain triggers a response in the heart. Go forth and look for masses in Clark Kent's limbic system.
Dr. James Wilson: You have to go. Your girlfriend's birthday? It's not even a question.
Dr. Gregory House: She has one every year. How often do you break up with the love of your life? Okay, for you, it's more often than most, but still...
Rachel Taub: Hey. Am I imagining things, or did I see a billboard with your face on it on my way home tonight?
Dr. Chris Taub: Oh, was my whole face there? 'Cause I just saw the nose.
Rachel Taub: You're still my husband. I still love you. And I want things to be okay between us. Also, you're a famous model now. That's pretty cool... sexy, even.
Dr. Gregory House: So we finally know what Taub would look like if he were life-size.
Dr. Chris Taub: That poster got me laid when I got home last night, so do your worst.
Dr. Gregory House: So when you're not on a billboard, you sleep with nurses. But when you are, you sleep with your wife. I think you got that backwards.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 8 - Small Sacrifices
Dr. Gregory House: I loathe weddings and their seven levels of hypocrisy. But you do seem awfully hissy. And there's an outside chance hat I could get you drunk and score. So as long as you don't take it as an admission of guilt, sure, count me in. A bit too much honesty?
Dr. Gregory House: Housekeeping. Either you're crazy or you're atoning for something naughty, and you're crazy.
Ramon: My Marisa was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Stage IV glioblastoma. When the doctors said she had two months to live, that's when I made my bargain.
Dr. Gregory House: With your health insurance carrier?
Ramon: With God.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh.
Ramon: I told him I would nail myself to a cross every year he kept her alive.
Dr. Gregory House: So how did that negotiation go? You lowballed with ear piercing and God countered?
Ramon: My ex-wife thinks I'm crazy too. She moved out the first time I did this.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, at least your daughter has one viable role model.
Marisa: You don't believe in God?
Dr. Gregory House: I did. Then I grew my curly hairs.
Dr. Gregory House: Causal determinism. We are hardwired to need answers. The caveman who heard a rustle in the bushes checked out to see what it was lived longer than the guy who assumed it was just a breeze. The problem is, when we don't find a logical answer, we settle for a stupid one. Ritual is what happens when we run out of rational.
Dr. Robert Chase: If you're done mocking him, we need to prep for an LP.
Dr. Gregory House: Good. Another hole in him should really make God's day.
Dr. James Wilson: I was buying an engagement ring. I'm gonna propose to Sam at the wedding.
Dr. Gregory House: That is the second stupidest thing I've heard today. And I'm surprised how close you came. You don't need to buy her a new ring. Isn't the first one good for all you can marry?
Dr. Gregory House: You want me to lie?
Dr. James Wilson: There's a lovely symmetry to it. The lie got you into it. A lie gets you out of it.
Dr. Chris Taub: What's it mean when somebody takes their cell phone into the bathroom when they're taking a shower?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It means they don't want you to check their calls, emails, or texts.
Dr. Robert Chase: If we're talking about your wife, it means the chickens are coming home to roost.
Dr. Gregory House: Fever, coughing up blood, coughing up teeth. So either God sweetened the deal with a "no flossing" clause or...
Dr. Gregory House: Trying to catch your wife cheating?
Dr. Chris Taub: Oh... Why would you say that?
Dr. Gregory House: Missing mojo. Posture's slumped. Expression defeated. Didn't try to back up your theory. And Chase told me. Go. Find your mojo.
Dr. Gregory House: You keep me happy, I return the favor. Think of it as tat for tit.
Dr. Gregory House: If you prick me, do I not bleed?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You knew I wouldn't like it, but you thought I would say I did. That's what this is about. You're trying to trap me into lying to you.
Dr. Gregory House: You sure? 'Cause that sounds so juvenile. (Cuddy leaves)
Dr. Robert Chase: You're okay with burglary now?
Martha Masters: I asked his permission. The reason we don't ask permission is we're afraid the patient is going to hide something, but our patient hasn't been home, lives alone. He doesn't have any help, and he has no motive to hide anything.
Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy got me the daughter's file. Well, not Cuddy exactly. Her signature. Well, not exactly her signature.
Dr. James Wilson: Maybe you hadn't heard. I'm kind of busy.
Dr. Gregory House: With what?
Dr. James Wilson: Sudoku. What do you think? I'm the head of oncology at a major hospital.
Dr. Gregory House: And yet these files are not from this hospital. These are from where-my-fiancee-works memorial.
Dr. James Wilson: If I don't help her, she can't go to the wedding and... We fell in love at her cousin's wedding, which is why I want to propose to her at a wedding. And now you have 60 seconds to berate me for that and for helping my girlfriend with her homework.
Dr. Gregory House: You don't want to propose at a wedding. Emotions running high, people on edge. You ought to try somewhere like a Buddhist temple or an aquarium. Or a Buddhist aquarium. That only took ten seconds. You can spend the rest of the time on my file.
Dr. Robert Chase: You want us to do a differential diagnosis on Jesus?
Martha Masters: Hears voices, thinks he's the son of God. Probably Schizophrenic.
Dr. Gregory House: Get an MRI of his brain. Let's see if we can find God.
Dr. Gregory House: You lied to make yourself older? Are you lying about being a woman?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Even if you can trap me, you think I'll suddenly embrace the value of lying?
Dr. Gregory House: My point is you already have. I just need to prove it.
Dr. Chris Taub: Chickens aren't roosting. She's just got a friend. A guy she met in an online support group for cheating spouses.
Dr. Robert Chase: I've heard of that group. It's called irony.
Dr. Chris Taub: You think she's cheating on her spouse with someone from a cheating spouse support group?
Dr. Robert Chase: Sounds like the perfect place to hit on vulnerable women.
Ramon: You didn't come to see if I was better. You came to see if your medicine has turned me into an atheist.
Dr. Gregory House: I'd settle for agnostic.
Ramon: Faith is not a disease.
Dr. Gregory House: No, of course not. On the other hand, it is communicable, and it kills a lot of people.
Dr. James Wilson: The daughter's case checks out. Stereotactic biopsy confirmed stage IV Glioblastoma Multiforme. Doesn't respond to chemo, but they gave it to her anyway as a hail Mary and just got lucky.
Dr. Gregory House: So either God intervened, which is a lazy explanation, or we just don't know why. Which is no explanation.
Dr. James Wilson: Sometimes there is no explanation. And I'm just fine with that.
Dr. Gregory House: Which annoys me to no end.
Dr. Gregory House: I hate rehearsal dinners almost as much as I hate weddings.
Dr. Gregory House: The only reason anyone gets married is that homo erectus females needed protection from predators while breastfeeding. The only reason these two are getting married is to throw an obnoxious gala and make the rest of us feel unworthy. Even though we know in two years their lawyers are gonna be fighting over the Bentleys.
Dr. Gregory House: She's got looks. He's got money. One of them is bound to run out.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I give it 19 months.
Dr. Gregory House: That's very specific.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No fault divorce in New Jersey requires couples to live at least 18 months apart. I'm actually only giving it a few weeks.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh. Thought I was supposed to be the dark one.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Not today.
Dr. Gregory House: The point is to suffer like your savior did, right? Well, he didn't take myrrh, the Tylenol of ancient Rome. And his nails went through his wrists, not through his palms. Palms are for sissies. And what about the 39 lashes and the beatings and the crown of thorns? What you go through is closer to a bad manicure than a crucifixion.
Ramon: It's not about showing God my pain. It's about showing him my faith. If he asks me to die for my daughter, I'll do it gladly.
Dr. Gregory House: Sticking by your convictions and damning the consequences. You two have a lot in common. You're both idiots.
Martha Masters: All conviction's equally ridiculous?
Dr. Gregory House: Just when they're applied indiscriminately to all circumstances.
Ramon: One day, you're going to understand.
Marisa: No, I'm not. I am never going to understand that. If God could do this, I hate God.
Dr. Gregory House: Someone looks lovely tonight.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Thank you.
Dr. Gregory House: I meant me. Someone else looks simply stunning... That was you. And the blonde at the bar.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Just to be clear, this whole little act isn't gonna work. I need an apology. Not flattery.
Ramon: That's why we have beliefs. So we can still see the right thing to do when we're blinded with doubt and fear. Our beliefs define us. If we lose them, who are we?
Dr. James Wilson: No. No, I was thinking... I mean, if those two even have the slightest chance of making it, then we have to be a sure thing. And we've already made all our mistakes. And... I've come to realize that I love you even more than I thought I did. Sam, will you marry me again?
Dr. Gregory House: Hat trick, Chase. See? The life of the bachelor. All of the sex, none of the guilt.
Dr. Chris Taub: It's not over, okay? I just really miscalculated. I thought she'd forgiven me for everything. All those hurt feelings, they never really went away.
Dr. Gregory House: That makes a lot more sense.
Dr. Gregory House: I ran it twice. No mistake. Looks like God broke your deal. I'm sorry. But I'm also right.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Surprised you've got enough strength to come to work today.
Dr. Robert Chase: 36 hours is long enough for me to recover. And not nearly long enough for this guy to be getting better.
Dr. Gregory House: This patient is screwed. Technical term is dead as a doornail.
Ramon: Who is that?
Dr. Gregory House: God. You broke your deal with him, your daughter's fine, you're getting better. Nothing bad happened. Which can only mean one thing. There is no God. Of course, if your daughter gets hit by a meteorite today, I would have some serious egg on my face.
Ramon: It means I'm happy. It doesn't mean God doesn't exist. It just means he's-he's truly merciful. My beautiful Marisa was right. God is all about love.
Dr. Gregory House: Punishment is proof of God, and no punishment is proof of God? Ingenious argument.
Ramon: Faith isn't an argument. I'd like to see my daughter.
Martha Masters: Everyone else knew?
Dr. Gregory House: Everyone I could trust. So yes.
Dr. Gregory House: I've been an idiot. I got this argument stuck in my head. If everybody lies, then trust is not only unfounded and pointless, it's fictional. But trust is not an argument that can be won or lost. Maybe I just have to suspend my cynicism and believe. Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith. I'm sorry. I won't lie to you again.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Thank you.
Dr. James Wilson: Sam left me.
Dr. Gregory House: What a moron.
Dr. James Wilson: Too soon. I'm still in love with her.
Dr. Gregory House: I meant you.
Dr. James Wilson: Does she know you're here?
Dr. Gregory House: I apologized to her.
Dr. James Wilson: Good for you.
Dr. Gregory House: Not really. I lied. I just took your advice. Too bad you didn't.
Dr. James Wilson: Good for you.
Dr. Gregory House: Housekeeping. Either you're crazy or you're atoning for something naughty, and you're crazy.
Ramon: My Marisa was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Stage IV glioblastoma. When the doctors said she had two months to live, that's when I made my bargain.
Dr. Gregory House: With your health insurance carrier?
Ramon: With God.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh.
Ramon: I told him I would nail myself to a cross every year he kept her alive.
Dr. Gregory House: So how did that negotiation go? You lowballed with ear piercing and God countered?
Ramon: My ex-wife thinks I'm crazy too. She moved out the first time I did this.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, at least your daughter has one viable role model.
Marisa: You don't believe in God?
Dr. Gregory House: I did. Then I grew my curly hairs.
Dr. Gregory House: Causal determinism. We are hardwired to need answers. The caveman who heard a rustle in the bushes checked out to see what it was lived longer than the guy who assumed it was just a breeze. The problem is, when we don't find a logical answer, we settle for a stupid one. Ritual is what happens when we run out of rational.
Dr. Robert Chase: If you're done mocking him, we need to prep for an LP.
Dr. Gregory House: Good. Another hole in him should really make God's day.
Dr. James Wilson: I was buying an engagement ring. I'm gonna propose to Sam at the wedding.
Dr. Gregory House: That is the second stupidest thing I've heard today. And I'm surprised how close you came. You don't need to buy her a new ring. Isn't the first one good for all you can marry?
Dr. Gregory House: You want me to lie?
Dr. James Wilson: There's a lovely symmetry to it. The lie got you into it. A lie gets you out of it.
Dr. Chris Taub: What's it mean when somebody takes their cell phone into the bathroom when they're taking a shower?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It means they don't want you to check their calls, emails, or texts.
Dr. Robert Chase: If we're talking about your wife, it means the chickens are coming home to roost.
Dr. Gregory House: Fever, coughing up blood, coughing up teeth. So either God sweetened the deal with a "no flossing" clause or...
Dr. Gregory House: Trying to catch your wife cheating?
Dr. Chris Taub: Oh... Why would you say that?
Dr. Gregory House: Missing mojo. Posture's slumped. Expression defeated. Didn't try to back up your theory. And Chase told me. Go. Find your mojo.
Dr. Gregory House: You keep me happy, I return the favor. Think of it as tat for tit.
Dr. Gregory House: If you prick me, do I not bleed?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You knew I wouldn't like it, but you thought I would say I did. That's what this is about. You're trying to trap me into lying to you.
Dr. Gregory House: You sure? 'Cause that sounds so juvenile. (Cuddy leaves)
Dr. Robert Chase: You're okay with burglary now?
Martha Masters: I asked his permission. The reason we don't ask permission is we're afraid the patient is going to hide something, but our patient hasn't been home, lives alone. He doesn't have any help, and he has no motive to hide anything.
Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy got me the daughter's file. Well, not Cuddy exactly. Her signature. Well, not exactly her signature.
Dr. James Wilson: Maybe you hadn't heard. I'm kind of busy.
Dr. Gregory House: With what?
Dr. James Wilson: Sudoku. What do you think? I'm the head of oncology at a major hospital.
Dr. Gregory House: And yet these files are not from this hospital. These are from where-my-fiancee-works memorial.
Dr. James Wilson: If I don't help her, she can't go to the wedding and... We fell in love at her cousin's wedding, which is why I want to propose to her at a wedding. And now you have 60 seconds to berate me for that and for helping my girlfriend with her homework.
Dr. Gregory House: You don't want to propose at a wedding. Emotions running high, people on edge. You ought to try somewhere like a Buddhist temple or an aquarium. Or a Buddhist aquarium. That only took ten seconds. You can spend the rest of the time on my file.
Dr. Robert Chase: You want us to do a differential diagnosis on Jesus?
Martha Masters: Hears voices, thinks he's the son of God. Probably Schizophrenic.
Dr. Gregory House: Get an MRI of his brain. Let's see if we can find God.
Dr. Gregory House: You lied to make yourself older? Are you lying about being a woman?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Even if you can trap me, you think I'll suddenly embrace the value of lying?
Dr. Gregory House: My point is you already have. I just need to prove it.
Dr. Chris Taub: Chickens aren't roosting. She's just got a friend. A guy she met in an online support group for cheating spouses.
Dr. Robert Chase: I've heard of that group. It's called irony.
Dr. Chris Taub: You think she's cheating on her spouse with someone from a cheating spouse support group?
Dr. Robert Chase: Sounds like the perfect place to hit on vulnerable women.
Ramon: You didn't come to see if I was better. You came to see if your medicine has turned me into an atheist.
Dr. Gregory House: I'd settle for agnostic.
Ramon: Faith is not a disease.
Dr. Gregory House: No, of course not. On the other hand, it is communicable, and it kills a lot of people.
Dr. James Wilson: The daughter's case checks out. Stereotactic biopsy confirmed stage IV Glioblastoma Multiforme. Doesn't respond to chemo, but they gave it to her anyway as a hail Mary and just got lucky.
Dr. Gregory House: So either God intervened, which is a lazy explanation, or we just don't know why. Which is no explanation.
Dr. James Wilson: Sometimes there is no explanation. And I'm just fine with that.
Dr. Gregory House: Which annoys me to no end.
Dr. Gregory House: I hate rehearsal dinners almost as much as I hate weddings.
Dr. Gregory House: The only reason anyone gets married is that homo erectus females needed protection from predators while breastfeeding. The only reason these two are getting married is to throw an obnoxious gala and make the rest of us feel unworthy. Even though we know in two years their lawyers are gonna be fighting over the Bentleys.
Dr. Gregory House: She's got looks. He's got money. One of them is bound to run out.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I give it 19 months.
Dr. Gregory House: That's very specific.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No fault divorce in New Jersey requires couples to live at least 18 months apart. I'm actually only giving it a few weeks.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh. Thought I was supposed to be the dark one.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Not today.
Dr. Gregory House: The point is to suffer like your savior did, right? Well, he didn't take myrrh, the Tylenol of ancient Rome. And his nails went through his wrists, not through his palms. Palms are for sissies. And what about the 39 lashes and the beatings and the crown of thorns? What you go through is closer to a bad manicure than a crucifixion.
Ramon: It's not about showing God my pain. It's about showing him my faith. If he asks me to die for my daughter, I'll do it gladly.
Dr. Gregory House: Sticking by your convictions and damning the consequences. You two have a lot in common. You're both idiots.
Martha Masters: All conviction's equally ridiculous?
Dr. Gregory House: Just when they're applied indiscriminately to all circumstances.
Ramon: One day, you're going to understand.
Marisa: No, I'm not. I am never going to understand that. If God could do this, I hate God.
Dr. Gregory House: Someone looks lovely tonight.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Thank you.
Dr. Gregory House: I meant me. Someone else looks simply stunning... That was you. And the blonde at the bar.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Just to be clear, this whole little act isn't gonna work. I need an apology. Not flattery.
Ramon: That's why we have beliefs. So we can still see the right thing to do when we're blinded with doubt and fear. Our beliefs define us. If we lose them, who are we?
Dr. James Wilson: No. No, I was thinking... I mean, if those two even have the slightest chance of making it, then we have to be a sure thing. And we've already made all our mistakes. And... I've come to realize that I love you even more than I thought I did. Sam, will you marry me again?
Dr. Gregory House: Hat trick, Chase. See? The life of the bachelor. All of the sex, none of the guilt.
Dr. Chris Taub: It's not over, okay? I just really miscalculated. I thought she'd forgiven me for everything. All those hurt feelings, they never really went away.
Dr. Gregory House: That makes a lot more sense.
Dr. Gregory House: I ran it twice. No mistake. Looks like God broke your deal. I'm sorry. But I'm also right.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Surprised you've got enough strength to come to work today.
Dr. Robert Chase: 36 hours is long enough for me to recover. And not nearly long enough for this guy to be getting better.
Dr. Gregory House: This patient is screwed. Technical term is dead as a doornail.
Ramon: Who is that?
Dr. Gregory House: God. You broke your deal with him, your daughter's fine, you're getting better. Nothing bad happened. Which can only mean one thing. There is no God. Of course, if your daughter gets hit by a meteorite today, I would have some serious egg on my face.
Ramon: It means I'm happy. It doesn't mean God doesn't exist. It just means he's-he's truly merciful. My beautiful Marisa was right. God is all about love.
Dr. Gregory House: Punishment is proof of God, and no punishment is proof of God? Ingenious argument.
Ramon: Faith isn't an argument. I'd like to see my daughter.
Martha Masters: Everyone else knew?
Dr. Gregory House: Everyone I could trust. So yes.
Dr. Gregory House: I've been an idiot. I got this argument stuck in my head. If everybody lies, then trust is not only unfounded and pointless, it's fictional. But trust is not an argument that can be won or lost. Maybe I just have to suspend my cynicism and believe. Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith. I'm sorry. I won't lie to you again.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Thank you.
Dr. James Wilson: Sam left me.
Dr. Gregory House: What a moron.
Dr. James Wilson: Too soon. I'm still in love with her.
Dr. Gregory House: I meant you.
Dr. James Wilson: Does she know you're here?
Dr. Gregory House: I apologized to her.
Dr. James Wilson: Good for you.
Dr. Gregory House: Not really. I lied. I just took your advice. Too bad you didn't.
Dr. James Wilson: Good for you.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 7 - Pox on Our House
Dr. Gregory House: Why aren't you guys in my office?
Dr. Chris Taub: Why are you in the building? It's 8:00 in the morning.
Dr. Gregory House: Where's Chase?
Dr. Chris Taub: He's not here because it's 8:00 in the morning.
Martha Masters: Smallpox was eradicated over 30 years ago.
Dr. Gregory House: So were Hush Puppies. Have you checked out your local hipster coffee shop lately?
Dr. Chris Taub: The virus can't survive over 200 years.
Dr. Gregory House: You have.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We should test for the 21st-century suspects... varicella and measles...
Dr. Gregory House: You're free to perform whatever unnecessary tests you want, Foreman. Slavery was abolished years ago.
Dr. James Wilson: She's also probably never ordered the pasta special in the cafeteria. Would that also have some special paranoid message to send you?
Dr. Gregory House: What if I die of curiosity in the meantime?
Dr. James Wilson: You were an idiot for lying to her in the first place. Don't be more of an idiot now. Say nothing — to no one — about anything... That includes me.
Dr. Gregory House: Masters, have you got a boyfriend?
Martha Masters: That's none of your business.
Dr. Gregory House: Ah, probably just a dry spell.
Dr. Gregory House: Would you ever be extra nice to a theoretical boyfriend if you were really mad at him?
Martha Masters: I guess the only reason I would be extra nice is because I'm angry, and I just want him to go away so I don't have to deal with him anymore.
Dr. Gregory House: You passive-aggressive bitch!
Dr. Gregory House: Look, I don't want to go all Godfather on you. This was business. I wouldn't lie to you about something personal.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Well, you don't get to lie to me about anything. I can't compartmentalize my life like that.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, maybe you should practice, 'cause it comes in handy.
Dr. Gregory House: Bottom line: it's 30% fatal, which means your chances of being okay are about the same as a basketball player's chance at hitting a free throw, unless she finds dark, purplish skin blotches.
Lulu: What would purple blotches mean?
Martha Masters: Hemorrhagic-type smallpox.
Dr. Gregory House: In which case, her chances are more like Shaq hitting a free throw.
Dr. James Wilson: Are you saying you see House's side? It's not even a side. It's a fictional construction.
Dr. Samantha Carr: No, we have a different relationship... I think a better one. Lying was never part of it. Theirs is built on it.
Geerte: Oh, yes. My name is Geerte. Are you handsome sexiest American man?
Dr. Gregory House: Honey, could you email our new friend the Captain's log?
Martha Masters: Sure thing, Sexiest American man.
Dr. Gregory House: Scrofulicious... that's what they called "annoying" in the 1700s. Is she wrong? Then they died for nothing. Those slaves could have led long, fulfilling lives, mowing my ancestors' lawns.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Are you so afraid of this new girl, we have to take elaborate measures every time you want to skirt around ethical boundaries?
Dr. Gregory House: Elaborate measures? We took a walk... a walk you would have taken anyway. Actually, I saved you from the horrible post-differential traffic jam.
Dr. Robert Chase: Not really... not for them and not for you... the dad's new symptoms are consistent with them having smallpox.
Dr. Gregory House: Would be if he had a headache.
Dr. Robert Chase: He does have a headache.
Dr. Gregory House: No. He just said, "ow," and held his head.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Actually, he said, "ow."Then he said, "it's a headache."
Dr. Gregory House: Which could be indicative of head pain. Headache is caused by muscle tension or vascular stretching. Head pain is caused by trauma, which would include such events as a bleed in the brain from TB.
Dr. Robert Chase: You just tried this. I'm not a better liar than Foreman.
Dr. Gregory House: Sure, you are. You're descended from convicts.
Dr. Robert Chase: This isn't Cuddy. Your Jedi mind tricks won't work here.
Dr. Gregory House: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Martha Masters: You don't trust me.
Dr. Gregory House: Going behind your back works better when you're not facing us.
Martha Masters: Instead of whatever lie you're gonna tell Broda, why don't you just tell him the truth? If we are honest and reasonable...
Dr. Gregory House: People of all races and creeds will live together in peace and harmony.
Martha Masters: So I guess honesty is the best policy.
Dr. Gregory House: Why'd you say that? Seriously? To establish your viewpoint, as if I didn't already know it, or to demonstrate some weird cross-generational female solidarity with Cuddy?
Martha Masters: Actually, I was just trying to fill the awkward silence.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh.
Martha Masters: Julie doesn't have smallpox.
Dr. Gregory House: Did I just dream the part where I finally agreed it was smallpox? Well, if what I thought was reality was actually a dream, then the reverse... Oh, my God. I had a threesome with Beyonce and Lady Gaga!
Dr. Chris Taub: So therefore your theory is you asked me to take the dad's blood, but I accidentally injected him with smallpox.
Dr. Gregory House: Exactly, although technically, it was the vaccinia virus, which is what the smallpox vaccine is made from. Same symptoms as smallpox, but only half the calories and almost none of the lethality.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: This is what happens when you have no respect for authority, no respect for anything.
Dr. Gregory House: You don't think it's a little much to use the threat of death to win a totally separate argument with your boyfriend?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You think this is about the other thing?
Dr. Gregory House: Does seem to track suspiciously closely.
Dr. Samantha Carr: I'm not great with kids. I love them, but I get scared that I'm gonna do the wrong thing, and then... I usually do. And that's what I did with the lying. And I'm very sorry about that. The reason why I did the wrong thing was because I was trying to get you to do the right thing. Your mommy and your Lamby both really need you to get better. So... do you think that... you could be really brave and do the right thing?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You have any fever?
Dr. Gregory House: Not yet. But when it does come, I assume you'll see the pettiness of being mad at me for lying.
Dr. Gregory House: So it's inconvenient. My having a fighting chance at life is inconvenient!
Dr. Gregory House: It's kind of hard to do an autopsy in oven mitts.
Martha Masters: Take them off.
Dr. Gregory House: Says the woman standing behind two panes of glass!
Martha Masters: Do you believe me? Forget me. Do you believe you? You think it's rickettsialpox, don't you? If it is, it's curable, and she's gonna die unless we can prove it.
Dr. Gregory House: You really are annoying...
Dr. James Wilson: You were good with her.
Dr. Samantha Carr: Yeah, only after being bad.
Dr. James Wilson: It takes practice.
Dr. Samantha Carr: Maybe I should get a puppy.
Dr. James Wilson: Yeah, or... pregnant?
Dr. Gregory House: When I was dying... you realized that a little white lie between coworkers wasn't such a big deal.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Yeah, and that was true... when you were dying.
Dr. Chris Taub: Why are you in the building? It's 8:00 in the morning.
Dr. Gregory House: Where's Chase?
Dr. Chris Taub: He's not here because it's 8:00 in the morning.
Martha Masters: Smallpox was eradicated over 30 years ago.
Dr. Gregory House: So were Hush Puppies. Have you checked out your local hipster coffee shop lately?
Dr. Chris Taub: The virus can't survive over 200 years.
Dr. Gregory House: You have.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We should test for the 21st-century suspects... varicella and measles...
Dr. Gregory House: You're free to perform whatever unnecessary tests you want, Foreman. Slavery was abolished years ago.
Dr. James Wilson: She's also probably never ordered the pasta special in the cafeteria. Would that also have some special paranoid message to send you?
Dr. Gregory House: What if I die of curiosity in the meantime?
Dr. James Wilson: You were an idiot for lying to her in the first place. Don't be more of an idiot now. Say nothing — to no one — about anything... That includes me.
Dr. Gregory House: Masters, have you got a boyfriend?
Martha Masters: That's none of your business.
Dr. Gregory House: Ah, probably just a dry spell.
Dr. Gregory House: Would you ever be extra nice to a theoretical boyfriend if you were really mad at him?
Martha Masters: I guess the only reason I would be extra nice is because I'm angry, and I just want him to go away so I don't have to deal with him anymore.
Dr. Gregory House: You passive-aggressive bitch!
Dr. Gregory House: Look, I don't want to go all Godfather on you. This was business. I wouldn't lie to you about something personal.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Well, you don't get to lie to me about anything. I can't compartmentalize my life like that.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, maybe you should practice, 'cause it comes in handy.
Dr. Gregory House: Bottom line: it's 30% fatal, which means your chances of being okay are about the same as a basketball player's chance at hitting a free throw, unless she finds dark, purplish skin blotches.
Lulu: What would purple blotches mean?
Martha Masters: Hemorrhagic-type smallpox.
Dr. Gregory House: In which case, her chances are more like Shaq hitting a free throw.
Dr. James Wilson: Are you saying you see House's side? It's not even a side. It's a fictional construction.
Dr. Samantha Carr: No, we have a different relationship... I think a better one. Lying was never part of it. Theirs is built on it.
Geerte: Oh, yes. My name is Geerte. Are you handsome sexiest American man?
Dr. Gregory House: Honey, could you email our new friend the Captain's log?
Martha Masters: Sure thing, Sexiest American man.
Dr. Gregory House: Scrofulicious... that's what they called "annoying" in the 1700s. Is she wrong? Then they died for nothing. Those slaves could have led long, fulfilling lives, mowing my ancestors' lawns.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Are you so afraid of this new girl, we have to take elaborate measures every time you want to skirt around ethical boundaries?
Dr. Gregory House: Elaborate measures? We took a walk... a walk you would have taken anyway. Actually, I saved you from the horrible post-differential traffic jam.
Dr. Robert Chase: Not really... not for them and not for you... the dad's new symptoms are consistent with them having smallpox.
Dr. Gregory House: Would be if he had a headache.
Dr. Robert Chase: He does have a headache.
Dr. Gregory House: No. He just said, "ow," and held his head.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Actually, he said, "ow."Then he said, "it's a headache."
Dr. Gregory House: Which could be indicative of head pain. Headache is caused by muscle tension or vascular stretching. Head pain is caused by trauma, which would include such events as a bleed in the brain from TB.
Dr. Robert Chase: You just tried this. I'm not a better liar than Foreman.
Dr. Gregory House: Sure, you are. You're descended from convicts.
Dr. Robert Chase: This isn't Cuddy. Your Jedi mind tricks won't work here.
Dr. Gregory House: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Martha Masters: You don't trust me.
Dr. Gregory House: Going behind your back works better when you're not facing us.
Martha Masters: Instead of whatever lie you're gonna tell Broda, why don't you just tell him the truth? If we are honest and reasonable...
Dr. Gregory House: People of all races and creeds will live together in peace and harmony.
Martha Masters: So I guess honesty is the best policy.
Dr. Gregory House: Why'd you say that? Seriously? To establish your viewpoint, as if I didn't already know it, or to demonstrate some weird cross-generational female solidarity with Cuddy?
Martha Masters: Actually, I was just trying to fill the awkward silence.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh.
Martha Masters: Julie doesn't have smallpox.
Dr. Gregory House: Did I just dream the part where I finally agreed it was smallpox? Well, if what I thought was reality was actually a dream, then the reverse... Oh, my God. I had a threesome with Beyonce and Lady Gaga!
Dr. Chris Taub: So therefore your theory is you asked me to take the dad's blood, but I accidentally injected him with smallpox.
Dr. Gregory House: Exactly, although technically, it was the vaccinia virus, which is what the smallpox vaccine is made from. Same symptoms as smallpox, but only half the calories and almost none of the lethality.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: This is what happens when you have no respect for authority, no respect for anything.
Dr. Gregory House: You don't think it's a little much to use the threat of death to win a totally separate argument with your boyfriend?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You think this is about the other thing?
Dr. Gregory House: Does seem to track suspiciously closely.
Dr. Samantha Carr: I'm not great with kids. I love them, but I get scared that I'm gonna do the wrong thing, and then... I usually do. And that's what I did with the lying. And I'm very sorry about that. The reason why I did the wrong thing was because I was trying to get you to do the right thing. Your mommy and your Lamby both really need you to get better. So... do you think that... you could be really brave and do the right thing?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You have any fever?
Dr. Gregory House: Not yet. But when it does come, I assume you'll see the pettiness of being mad at me for lying.
Dr. Gregory House: So it's inconvenient. My having a fighting chance at life is inconvenient!
Dr. Gregory House: It's kind of hard to do an autopsy in oven mitts.
Martha Masters: Take them off.
Dr. Gregory House: Says the woman standing behind two panes of glass!
Martha Masters: Do you believe me? Forget me. Do you believe you? You think it's rickettsialpox, don't you? If it is, it's curable, and she's gonna die unless we can prove it.
Dr. Gregory House: You really are annoying...
Dr. James Wilson: You were good with her.
Dr. Samantha Carr: Yeah, only after being bad.
Dr. James Wilson: It takes practice.
Dr. Samantha Carr: Maybe I should get a puppy.
Dr. James Wilson: Yeah, or... pregnant?
Dr. Gregory House: When I was dying... you realized that a little white lie between coworkers wasn't such a big deal.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Yeah, and that was true... when you were dying.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 6 - Office Politics
Joe Dugan: Well, that's great. You can be the most moderate ex-senator in the
country. Hal, the election is seven days away, and even our own internals show
you down six points.
Senator Hal Anderson: We've always been the underdog. And we've always found a way to win.
Joe Dugan: I know. Because you have always let me do what's needed to be done.
Dr. Gregory House: Look at it like this, of all the ways to rupture it, nothing honors the real Achilles more than blowing the dismount on a keg stand.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What's that smell? Onions? Peppers? Oh, I know! It's a sausagefest.
Dr. Gregory House: Sausagefest implies multiples. Now, if you're talking about yardage, I'd have to agree.
Dr. Gregory House: She'll be incredibly useful if my next patient is an Escher drawing. Those things are seriously screwed up.
Dr. Gregory House: Just because my sausage has been filling your bun, it doesn't mean you get to decide what flavor chips I nosh on during the day.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Senator Anderson sent this case to us, and personally requested we take a look. That's reason enough for me.
Dr. Gregory House: Black guy campaigning for the opposition? Does Obama know about this?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I tried calling him on the brother hotline. He didn't pick up.
Dr. Gregory House: Martha M. Masters? I'm Dr. House. This is the rest of the team. Boring, Bimbo, and Bite-size. Martha enjoys quadratic equations, Italian frescoes, and her turn-ons include learning to be a doctor. Take a seat.
Dr. Gregory House: She's like the Internet with breasts. Oh, no, wait! The Internet has breasts.
Dr. Eric Foreman: If patients know we're coming, they can hide something relevant to their illness intentionally or unintentionally. Their knowledge changes things.
Dr. Chris Taub: Are you a vampire? It's okay. We're inviting you in.
Dr. Gregory House: E coli is found in animals. So unless he's drinking pork cider… (Having a
fake epiphany) Pork cider! (Points at Taub) I need the number of the patent
office.
Dr. Chris Taub: Masters refused to go on the search with us.
Dr. Gregory House: Interesting. Which raises the question, what is your problem with her?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He is intimidated by her intelligence.
Dr. Gregory House: Why would that bother Taub? He's been working with people smarter than him for a long time. I think perky new girl makes him feel old.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, but she's a student. Makes you contemplate your med school days. Back when you had hair, muscle tone, and no need for a regular prostate exam.
Martha Masters: How can we ask our patients to trust us if we're not honest with them?
Dr. Chris Taub: How can we ask the patient to trust us after we tell him he can't trust us? Fine. Tell him. Clear your conscience, because that's what's important.
Joe Dugan: Medicine's like politics. At the end of the day, all that matters is results.
Martha Masters: That's not true. Respect matters. Honesty and integrity matter.
Joe Dugan: Have you ever thought about running for public office? Because I would love to have someone like you as an opponent.
Dr. Gregory House: Hooray! You popped your cherry, diagnostically speaking. Unfortunately, the first time always sucks. Pitch doesn't make any sense. Dugan's cornea was normal. You're obviously brilliant. So why would you hide your mind?
Dr. Gregory House: Rules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't make up their own mind. You obviously don't fit into that category, so why put yourself
there?
Dr. Gregory House: Masters. If lying to a patient saved their life, would you do it?
Martha Masters: No.
Dr. Gregory House: That's a lie. If your grandma gave you a really crappy tea cozy for Christmas, would you tell her you liked it?
Martha Masters: Yes, but that's different.
Dr. Gregory House: So, you lie when it doesn't matter but you won't when it does. How'd you get so screwed up?
Dr. Gregory House: Never mind, then. She's got principles. She's like the love child of Einstein and Mary Poppins. Didn't even get Einstein's hair.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's worth having someone on the team who doesn't see the world entirely
as shades of gray.
Martha Masters: I wasn't looking for encouragement. It's a fact. Growing up, my whole life, really, I spent a lot of time by myself. And no one in high school wants to hang out with a kid that's three years younger than them. And studying Anosov diffeomorphisms, determining whether an unattributed landscape is a blakelock or a ryder or... I'm actually boring you right now.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We gotta give Masters some pointers, help her figure out how to deal with House.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why would I do that? The entertainment factor is off the charts. It's like watching a bunny hop into a buzz saw. Repeatedly.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And if we don't help her, she's out of here.
Dr. Robert Chase: No, something else is stopping House from firing her. I'm guessing it's his desire to keep having sex with Cuddy.
Joe Dugan: You say fears. I say rational, protective instincts. And judging by your accent, immigration probably isn't an issue you can be real impartial about.
Joe Dugan: He doesn't. You know that picture of him with the Mexican flags that seems to be from a pro-amnesty rally? That's from an amnesty international speech protesting the imprisonment of priests in Oaxaca. Yes, you did just prove that that ad is even more disgusting than you thought. You also proved that ad is effective. You still think my judgment is off?
Dr. Gregory House: So this guy spends his entire life campaigning against bleeding hearts. And it turns out he has one.
Dr. Gregory House: She can't diagnose a joke, but she's making progress on the patient.
Dr. Gregory House: The road to dead patients is paved with "or"s. Chemo is the more effective treatment, which means it'll confirm our diagnosis more quickly.
Martha Masters: I agree, but there is another option.
Dr. Gregory House: There are lots of other options. There's bloodletting, crystals, prayer...
Martha Masters: Another medically accepted option.
Dr. Gregory House: Which is both less effective and less scary. So the patient might just choose it. Unless, of course, we don't mention it to him.
Senator Hal Anderson: Doctor, can you talk some sense into him?
Dr. Gregory House: Would that I could, but ethics dictate that it's his decision. So all I can do now is return to my office knowing, even as my patient endangers himself, my integrity remains unblemished.
Dr. Gregory House: No, you're not. (he takes off his glasses) I don't mind your morality in theory. But in practice, you're risking my patient's life. So you're fired.
Martha Masters: As I recall, you have three actual doctors you haven't fired today.
Dr. Gregory House: They're in jail.
Martha Masters: What? Why?
Dr. Gregory House: Prostitution. So you're rehired.
Dr. Gregory House: He screwed you.
Joe Dugan: That was a hell of a move. Use the ad to shore up the base, fire the extremist to hold the center.
Dr. Chris Taub: We talked for an hour. She didn't remember me. She remembers the 20th digit of some math constant, but she doesn't remember a guy she had a one-on-one meeting with.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, I barely remember you.
Dr. Chris Taub: Mystery solved. Now we can all go back to our lives.
Dr. Gregory House: Come on, stop pretending you're not gonna do this. As much as you hate me, you hate failing more.
Martha Masters: I didn't fail. You fired me. Repeatedly.
Dr. Gregory House: But if you walk away now, after I just rehired you, that's quitting.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's not an approved treatment and exposes us to liability. There's no way I can let you do this.
Martha Masters: That's an extremely cowardly position.
Dr. Gregory House: Listen to the genius.
Martha Masters: It's proper protocol for an unconventional treatment. But we shouldn't compromise patient care just to avoid lawsuits.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You'll figure something out. The two of you have combined I.Q. North of 300.
Dr. Gregory House: That's also true of five morons.
Dr. Gregory House: The world changes when you're on the inside. You just gotta roll with it once you get out.
Dr. Gregory House: Evidence, not proof.
Dr. James Wilson: You got two choices: To be honest and face the medical consequences, or lie and face the personal consequences.
Senator Hal Anderson: Now that you're my doctor, you can't tell anybody, right?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Thank you. There was a time when you would have completely ignored my request. That means a lot that you respect me enough to do this.
Dr. Gregory House: I've come a long way, baby.
Dr. Gregory House: How'd you like to come work for me?
Martha Masters: It's like I'm on a Mobius strip.
Dr. Gregory House: We've had this conversation. You want this job.
Dr. Gregory House: Prove yourself to me, no more games. At least, the current game ends. Others may start. You have my deeply-flawed word.
Martha Masters: What do I have to do?
Dr. Gregory House: Get Dugan to let us give him hep A. And while you're figuring out the best way to coax a patient into a treatment that has an 85% mortality rate, here's some advice: Don't.
Dr. Gregory House: You have a math degree. So let's see if you can follow along here. You lie to him, he definitely consents, he might live. You tell him the truth like last time, he might not consent, he definitely dies. Remind me what's so wrong about lying?
Martha Masters: He's risking his career to give you this chance. He wouldn't do that if there was any other choice.
Martha Masters: You can pretend you wanted me to lie, but you didn't. You want the people on your team to challenge you otherwise you'd just be a bully instead of a great doctor. You hired me because I don't compromise my principals.
Dr. Gregory House: Or I want a front row seat when you wake up and realize how useless your principals are. I don't want you to just lie to a patient. I want you to want to lie to a patient.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: And miss the ultimate admission that I was right about Masters all along?
Dr. Gregory House: She had me when she called you a coward. You gonna hang out?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I have to work late. Gloating requires a lot of paperwork.
country. Hal, the election is seven days away, and even our own internals show
you down six points.
Senator Hal Anderson: We've always been the underdog. And we've always found a way to win.
Joe Dugan: I know. Because you have always let me do what's needed to be done.
Dr. Gregory House: Look at it like this, of all the ways to rupture it, nothing honors the real Achilles more than blowing the dismount on a keg stand.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What's that smell? Onions? Peppers? Oh, I know! It's a sausagefest.
Dr. Gregory House: Sausagefest implies multiples. Now, if you're talking about yardage, I'd have to agree.
Dr. Gregory House: She'll be incredibly useful if my next patient is an Escher drawing. Those things are seriously screwed up.
Dr. Gregory House: Just because my sausage has been filling your bun, it doesn't mean you get to decide what flavor chips I nosh on during the day.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Senator Anderson sent this case to us, and personally requested we take a look. That's reason enough for me.
Dr. Gregory House: Black guy campaigning for the opposition? Does Obama know about this?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I tried calling him on the brother hotline. He didn't pick up.
Dr. Gregory House: Martha M. Masters? I'm Dr. House. This is the rest of the team. Boring, Bimbo, and Bite-size. Martha enjoys quadratic equations, Italian frescoes, and her turn-ons include learning to be a doctor. Take a seat.
Dr. Gregory House: She's like the Internet with breasts. Oh, no, wait! The Internet has breasts.
Dr. Eric Foreman: If patients know we're coming, they can hide something relevant to their illness intentionally or unintentionally. Their knowledge changes things.
Dr. Chris Taub: Are you a vampire? It's okay. We're inviting you in.
Dr. Gregory House: E coli is found in animals. So unless he's drinking pork cider… (Having a
fake epiphany) Pork cider! (Points at Taub) I need the number of the patent
office.
Dr. Chris Taub: Masters refused to go on the search with us.
Dr. Gregory House: Interesting. Which raises the question, what is your problem with her?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He is intimidated by her intelligence.
Dr. Gregory House: Why would that bother Taub? He's been working with people smarter than him for a long time. I think perky new girl makes him feel old.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, but she's a student. Makes you contemplate your med school days. Back when you had hair, muscle tone, and no need for a regular prostate exam.
Martha Masters: How can we ask our patients to trust us if we're not honest with them?
Dr. Chris Taub: How can we ask the patient to trust us after we tell him he can't trust us? Fine. Tell him. Clear your conscience, because that's what's important.
Joe Dugan: Medicine's like politics. At the end of the day, all that matters is results.
Martha Masters: That's not true. Respect matters. Honesty and integrity matter.
Joe Dugan: Have you ever thought about running for public office? Because I would love to have someone like you as an opponent.
Dr. Gregory House: Hooray! You popped your cherry, diagnostically speaking. Unfortunately, the first time always sucks. Pitch doesn't make any sense. Dugan's cornea was normal. You're obviously brilliant. So why would you hide your mind?
Dr. Gregory House: Rules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't make up their own mind. You obviously don't fit into that category, so why put yourself
there?
Dr. Gregory House: Masters. If lying to a patient saved their life, would you do it?
Martha Masters: No.
Dr. Gregory House: That's a lie. If your grandma gave you a really crappy tea cozy for Christmas, would you tell her you liked it?
Martha Masters: Yes, but that's different.
Dr. Gregory House: So, you lie when it doesn't matter but you won't when it does. How'd you get so screwed up?
Dr. Gregory House: Never mind, then. She's got principles. She's like the love child of Einstein and Mary Poppins. Didn't even get Einstein's hair.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's worth having someone on the team who doesn't see the world entirely
as shades of gray.
Martha Masters: I wasn't looking for encouragement. It's a fact. Growing up, my whole life, really, I spent a lot of time by myself. And no one in high school wants to hang out with a kid that's three years younger than them. And studying Anosov diffeomorphisms, determining whether an unattributed landscape is a blakelock or a ryder or... I'm actually boring you right now.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We gotta give Masters some pointers, help her figure out how to deal with House.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why would I do that? The entertainment factor is off the charts. It's like watching a bunny hop into a buzz saw. Repeatedly.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And if we don't help her, she's out of here.
Dr. Robert Chase: No, something else is stopping House from firing her. I'm guessing it's his desire to keep having sex with Cuddy.
Joe Dugan: You say fears. I say rational, protective instincts. And judging by your accent, immigration probably isn't an issue you can be real impartial about.
Joe Dugan: He doesn't. You know that picture of him with the Mexican flags that seems to be from a pro-amnesty rally? That's from an amnesty international speech protesting the imprisonment of priests in Oaxaca. Yes, you did just prove that that ad is even more disgusting than you thought. You also proved that ad is effective. You still think my judgment is off?
Dr. Gregory House: So this guy spends his entire life campaigning against bleeding hearts. And it turns out he has one.
Dr. Gregory House: She can't diagnose a joke, but she's making progress on the patient.
Dr. Gregory House: The road to dead patients is paved with "or"s. Chemo is the more effective treatment, which means it'll confirm our diagnosis more quickly.
Martha Masters: I agree, but there is another option.
Dr. Gregory House: There are lots of other options. There's bloodletting, crystals, prayer...
Martha Masters: Another medically accepted option.
Dr. Gregory House: Which is both less effective and less scary. So the patient might just choose it. Unless, of course, we don't mention it to him.
Senator Hal Anderson: Doctor, can you talk some sense into him?
Dr. Gregory House: Would that I could, but ethics dictate that it's his decision. So all I can do now is return to my office knowing, even as my patient endangers himself, my integrity remains unblemished.
Dr. Gregory House: No, you're not. (he takes off his glasses) I don't mind your morality in theory. But in practice, you're risking my patient's life. So you're fired.
Martha Masters: As I recall, you have three actual doctors you haven't fired today.
Dr. Gregory House: They're in jail.
Martha Masters: What? Why?
Dr. Gregory House: Prostitution. So you're rehired.
Dr. Gregory House: He screwed you.
Joe Dugan: That was a hell of a move. Use the ad to shore up the base, fire the extremist to hold the center.
Dr. Chris Taub: We talked for an hour. She didn't remember me. She remembers the 20th digit of some math constant, but she doesn't remember a guy she had a one-on-one meeting with.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, I barely remember you.
Dr. Chris Taub: Mystery solved. Now we can all go back to our lives.
Dr. Gregory House: Come on, stop pretending you're not gonna do this. As much as you hate me, you hate failing more.
Martha Masters: I didn't fail. You fired me. Repeatedly.
Dr. Gregory House: But if you walk away now, after I just rehired you, that's quitting.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's not an approved treatment and exposes us to liability. There's no way I can let you do this.
Martha Masters: That's an extremely cowardly position.
Dr. Gregory House: Listen to the genius.
Martha Masters: It's proper protocol for an unconventional treatment. But we shouldn't compromise patient care just to avoid lawsuits.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You'll figure something out. The two of you have combined I.Q. North of 300.
Dr. Gregory House: That's also true of five morons.
Dr. Gregory House: The world changes when you're on the inside. You just gotta roll with it once you get out.
Dr. Gregory House: Evidence, not proof.
Dr. James Wilson: You got two choices: To be honest and face the medical consequences, or lie and face the personal consequences.
Senator Hal Anderson: Now that you're my doctor, you can't tell anybody, right?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Thank you. There was a time when you would have completely ignored my request. That means a lot that you respect me enough to do this.
Dr. Gregory House: I've come a long way, baby.
Dr. Gregory House: How'd you like to come work for me?
Martha Masters: It's like I'm on a Mobius strip.
Dr. Gregory House: We've had this conversation. You want this job.
Dr. Gregory House: Prove yourself to me, no more games. At least, the current game ends. Others may start. You have my deeply-flawed word.
Martha Masters: What do I have to do?
Dr. Gregory House: Get Dugan to let us give him hep A. And while you're figuring out the best way to coax a patient into a treatment that has an 85% mortality rate, here's some advice: Don't.
Dr. Gregory House: You have a math degree. So let's see if you can follow along here. You lie to him, he definitely consents, he might live. You tell him the truth like last time, he might not consent, he definitely dies. Remind me what's so wrong about lying?
Martha Masters: He's risking his career to give you this chance. He wouldn't do that if there was any other choice.
Martha Masters: You can pretend you wanted me to lie, but you didn't. You want the people on your team to challenge you otherwise you'd just be a bully instead of a great doctor. You hired me because I don't compromise my principals.
Dr. Gregory House: Or I want a front row seat when you wake up and realize how useless your principals are. I don't want you to just lie to a patient. I want you to want to lie to a patient.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: And miss the ultimate admission that I was right about Masters all along?
Dr. Gregory House: She had me when she called you a coward. You gonna hang out?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I have to work late. Gloating requires a lot of paperwork.
Friday, October 22, 2010
House M. D. Quotes - Season 7 Episode 5 - Unplanned Parenthood
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm not bargaining sex for babysitting. Besides, you owe me.
Dr. Gregory House: For what?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Sex! I still don't see a female doctor in that room. It's making me very
unhappy.
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. Out of the goodness of my heart, which will make you happy, which
will make you desire me more, which will turn into more sex.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Do you want me to hire a white girl?
Dr. Gregory House: Go find a woman, and wipe that self-satisfied grin off your face.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, narrow it down to one before Cuddy starts withholding sex.
Dr. Robert Chase: House is gonna hate anyone we hire, because he doesn't want to hire... anyone.
Dr. Chris Taub: So you think I should abstain? Just give the decision back to him?
[Foreman can be seen in the background trying to contact House]
Dr. Robert Chase: Then he'll just mock you for being a wuss. You're screwed.
Dr. Gregory House: You're telling me to do the right thing while climbing out a window!
Abbey: Well, it's been getting better, actually. At least she's here in the building. That's pretty supportive for her.
Dr. Gregory House: I assume, since you're calling so early, that the surgery was a rousing
success.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And I assume, since you still think we actually did the surgery, you
haven't checked your messages in eight hours. Where are you?
Dr. Gregory House: I believe this is what your people term a "poopy call".
Dr. Eric Foreman: Uh, the word is "booty".
Dr. Gregory House: Well, I don't know what you're doing, but this is a poopy call.
Dr. Gregory House: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?! I know about the Jew, the black, and the croc-hunter, but when did we get our Asian persuasion on?
Dr. Chris Taub: Dr. Cheng... is the NICU attending on the case. And she's not here.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, then I just wasted a perfectly good racial epithet.
Dr. Chris Taub: In fairness, it wasn't completely her idea. More of a Foreman kinda thing.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, then you're an even bigger idiot for trying to cover for her.
Abbey: I just gave birth. I'm, like, one big vat of hormones right now.
Justine: It's not just the hormones, mom! You're different with her. It's okay. It's good. It's just... I can't help thinking "where was this mom when I was growing up?"
Dr. Chris Taub: The baby's bleeding again.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm shocked! Oh, no, wait a minute — that's you.
Dr. Chris Taub: Yes, you're a genius.
Dr. James Wilson: That's because I'm the tickle monster.
Dr. Gregory House: Our patient can either go through life with the world's longest umbilical cord, or we can discuss the differential for magic blood.
Abbey: I had this baby because I... wanted a chance to be a special mom. But... not this way.
Dr. Gregory House: I am not going to bargain babysitting for sex. Who the hell said that? Of course I will.
Abbey: I ate all the right foods, I read all the books and the studies, and I... even hired a private detective to research each sperm donor. I just missed one big thing. My own cancer.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You're over-thinking this. House fired my pick site-unseen. He was never even interested in Chase's pick, he was only obsessed with how she reflected on Chase. Dr. Cheng is the only candidate he's actually responded to. You wanted House invested. He is. Hire her.
Dr. Chris Taub: And you think I'm over-thinking this?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Shut up and hire her.
Justine: Oh, you don't know if I'm great. You don't know me at all. And I'm not gonna let you martyr yourself for a two-day-old infant just because you feel guilty because you weren't around for me.
Dr. Gregory House: Was obviously just a pocket of air, like I said all along. But you saw the worst case scenario... like every irrational,
worried parent. You'd make a terrible mommy.
Dr. Cheng: You're a grown man, Dr. Taub. You can make whatever choices you want, and instead of hiring me when he said you could, you chose to act like a paranoid, scared little kid... I hate kids. Good-bye, Dr. Taub.
Justine: I'll make sure you never forget her... and what she did for you. She was just trying to be the best mom in the world. She was.
Dr. Gregory House: For what?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Sex! I still don't see a female doctor in that room. It's making me very
unhappy.
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. Out of the goodness of my heart, which will make you happy, which
will make you desire me more, which will turn into more sex.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Do you want me to hire a white girl?
Dr. Gregory House: Go find a woman, and wipe that self-satisfied grin off your face.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, narrow it down to one before Cuddy starts withholding sex.
Dr. Robert Chase: House is gonna hate anyone we hire, because he doesn't want to hire... anyone.
Dr. Chris Taub: So you think I should abstain? Just give the decision back to him?
[Foreman can be seen in the background trying to contact House]
Dr. Robert Chase: Then he'll just mock you for being a wuss. You're screwed.
Dr. Gregory House: You're telling me to do the right thing while climbing out a window!
Abbey: Well, it's been getting better, actually. At least she's here in the building. That's pretty supportive for her.
Dr. Gregory House: I assume, since you're calling so early, that the surgery was a rousing
success.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And I assume, since you still think we actually did the surgery, you
haven't checked your messages in eight hours. Where are you?
Dr. Gregory House: I believe this is what your people term a "poopy call".
Dr. Eric Foreman: Uh, the word is "booty".
Dr. Gregory House: Well, I don't know what you're doing, but this is a poopy call.
Dr. Gregory House: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?! I know about the Jew, the black, and the croc-hunter, but when did we get our Asian persuasion on?
Dr. Chris Taub: Dr. Cheng... is the NICU attending on the case. And she's not here.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, then I just wasted a perfectly good racial epithet.
Dr. Chris Taub: In fairness, it wasn't completely her idea. More of a Foreman kinda thing.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, then you're an even bigger idiot for trying to cover for her.
Abbey: I just gave birth. I'm, like, one big vat of hormones right now.
Justine: It's not just the hormones, mom! You're different with her. It's okay. It's good. It's just... I can't help thinking "where was this mom when I was growing up?"
Dr. Chris Taub: The baby's bleeding again.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm shocked! Oh, no, wait a minute — that's you.
Dr. Chris Taub: Yes, you're a genius.
Dr. James Wilson: That's because I'm the tickle monster.
Dr. Gregory House: Our patient can either go through life with the world's longest umbilical cord, or we can discuss the differential for magic blood.
Abbey: I had this baby because I... wanted a chance to be a special mom. But... not this way.
Dr. Gregory House: I am not going to bargain babysitting for sex. Who the hell said that? Of course I will.
Abbey: I ate all the right foods, I read all the books and the studies, and I... even hired a private detective to research each sperm donor. I just missed one big thing. My own cancer.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You're over-thinking this. House fired my pick site-unseen. He was never even interested in Chase's pick, he was only obsessed with how she reflected on Chase. Dr. Cheng is the only candidate he's actually responded to. You wanted House invested. He is. Hire her.
Dr. Chris Taub: And you think I'm over-thinking this?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Shut up and hire her.
Justine: Oh, you don't know if I'm great. You don't know me at all. And I'm not gonna let you martyr yourself for a two-day-old infant just because you feel guilty because you weren't around for me.
Dr. Gregory House: Was obviously just a pocket of air, like I said all along. But you saw the worst case scenario... like every irrational,
worried parent. You'd make a terrible mommy.
Dr. Cheng: You're a grown man, Dr. Taub. You can make whatever choices you want, and instead of hiring me when he said you could, you chose to act like a paranoid, scared little kid... I hate kids. Good-bye, Dr. Taub.
Justine: I'll make sure you never forget her... and what she did for you. She was just trying to be the best mom in the world. She was.
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